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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

About shagging a funeral director?

199 replies

6079SmithW · 21/07/2017 14:45

Online dating and I'm matched with a really nice man. I find him attractive, conversation is good, it's all going well ... until I find out that he is a funeral director Shock
I had to stop then. He touches dead people all day!
I know some people must shag funeral directors (unless they are all consequentially celibate??) but I don't think I could bring myself to go near one with a barge pole! AIBU?

OP posts:
OstentatiousWanking · 21/07/2017 15:15

YANBU if that's how you feel. Personally it wouldn't bother me at all. I think a funeral directors job is actually a very caring one.
I get what you mean though. I could never date a dentist or chiropodist

TinselTwins · 21/07/2017 15:16

Vivienne/FrogsSit I have thought about that. Firefighters/police officers/doctors/nurses/paramedics aren't solely around dead people though neither are funeral directors, they spend most of their time around the (living) bereaved and liasing with other professionals etc

But you shouldn't shag somebody if you're not going to enjoy it for any reason

FuckYouLinda · 21/07/2017 15:16

I know a fella who is a funeral director, took over the business when his dad died. You couldn't meet a nicer, kinder, more thoughtful bloke. He has an adoring (and in turn, adored) lovely wife, and they enjoy life to the fullest. I guess when you see so much grief and sadness in your work life you would appreciate life and loved ones.

They are also utterly loaded, and have a stunning mansion. But mostly they are so down to earth and unassuming and just...lovely.

I wouldn't have wanted anyone else to handle my dad's remains to be honest.

Luttrell · 21/07/2017 15:16

When he realises how immature you are, he won't be interested. HTH.

Squeamishness about death is pathetic.

TinselTwins · 21/07/2017 15:17

Grow up and have un-enjoyable sex? Hmm

SummerMummy88 · 21/07/2017 15:20

My new next door neighbour is a funeral director and he is weird and strange, brings furneral cars home and I'm pretty sure I've seen a coffin being carried in husband house. It's put me right off, you will be reminded of death all the time.

AnnieAnoniMouse · 21/07/2017 15:23

I probably wouldn't, not because of the 'dead bodies', but because I like to discuss our days, jobs, things that are going on & I would just feel very down about the things he was dealing with every day, the families grieving etc. I was 13 when my Aunt died, I saw her at the funeral home and I've lost many people close to me since then and seen them, held their hands etc. It's totally not dead bodies. I lost my Dad a while ago and I'm probably really not dealing with it very well. It just wouldn't do my MH any good.

However, if it wasn't for all of that I would, they mostly tend to be lovely people.

I'm vegetarian so I wouldn't date someone working in a butchers, an abattoir or a farmer etc.

I wouldn't date someone who worked in a sewage plant or refuse place.

...or a used car salesman (a bunch of them are currently fucking me right off!).

There are probably other things I can't think of right now.

...but that's ok, because lots of people say they wouldn't date/sleep with an Accountant & whilst I think they're missing out, that's their choice! 😂

IWantABlueBanana · 21/07/2017 15:25

My neighbours an undertaker, he makes amazing cakes...

Original poster
6079SmithW · 21/07/2017 15:25

Lutterell I'm not squeamish about death, just about bodies. As LanaKanes suggested I don't think I could date a surgeon either.

Ostentatious SO glad it's not just me owning up to it! Doesn't everyone have this irrationality about something??

OP posts:
simon50 · 21/07/2017 15:26

Got to ask... Did he have looks to die for ?

jay55 · 21/07/2017 15:27

I've a good friend who is a funeral director. I'd hate to think women are put off by what he does. A good part of his job is being ruddy kind to people all day long.

TinselTwins · 21/07/2017 15:27

I wouldn't want to shag a funeral director who works for a chain and hard sells excessive pre-paid funeral packages to old ladies and lies about what the cheapest options are…

Original poster
6079SmithW · 21/07/2017 15:30

Annie sorry to hear about your dad Flowers. Lol at used car salesmen!

OP posts:
Original poster
6079SmithW · 21/07/2017 15:31

simon50 Grin

OP posts:
SparklyMagpie · 21/07/2017 15:32

Hopefully he didn't want to shag you either OP

KimmySchmidt1 · 21/07/2017 15:34

YABU - how many 100s of offers do you get? If you're not swamped in men I think you are being too choosy.

My father died a year ago and our funeral director, despite being only 30 years old, was a wonderfully responsible, strong, sensitive, kind tree trunk of a man who brought our family tremendous comfort and well organised safety at a time of extreme upset.

Your values are all wrong if you think funeral director jobs, when done well, are anything other than enormously honourable community roles. I would have happily gone out with him if I wasnt already married.

Original poster
6079SmithW · 21/07/2017 15:34

To everyone that thinks I am shallow/insensitive immature etc., for what it's worth I wouldn't be able to bring myself to shag a Tory either.
In fact if it came down to a mandatory choice, I'd rather do the funeral director

OP posts:
coldcanary · 21/07/2017 15:35

You're missing out there as well, Tories can be absolutely filthy in bed Wink Grin

VladmirsPoutine · 21/07/2017 15:37

OP, maybe you missed the 'light-hearted' out of your post but I am astonished to think that some posters think you should continue to date someone that you don't want to.

It seems that it must have to reach the level of 'abuse' for MNetters to say that you can stop dating someone. Why? Confused.

Something about him puts you off and that's enough. It doesn't matter how shallow or whatever it is. Similarly if you didn't like tattoos and he had one. You don't like tattoos so that's that. Why should you push yourself to continue dating him or anyone else for that matter?

Let him go. Who knows, he might meet a woman that gets turned on by that sort of thing.

You aren't married to him and don't have dcs with him. You might manage to get over this initial phase and find that he's great but that does not mean you should put yourself out to find out. Horses for courses. There are many men and women in this world. So the fuck what? I personally wouldn't be bothered, but if you are then so be it. Let him go.

You aren't shallow - you are (gasp) human.

NotAnotherNoughtiesTune · 21/07/2017 15:41

Honestly it wouldn't bother me.

Unless you're worried he doesn't wear gloves?

Because his bare skin isn't actually touching dead bodies.

Serial killer, hitman and criminal lawyer are more no goes.

simon50 · 21/07/2017 15:43

coldcanary... Well the Tories have screwed most of us in this country !

BreakfastAtSquiffanys · 21/07/2017 15:45

I would think to be a funeral director you must have to be kind and empathetic.
Nice qualities if you're looking for a partner

mylaptopismylapdog · 21/07/2017 15:47

This is someone who cares enough about people to deal with the bereaved and their love ones bodies. If you can appreciate that then I would go for it.

MyPepper · 21/07/2017 15:47

Well I assume you aren't going to date someone working in a care home or in palliative care either then.

Seriously, death is part of life, just as birth and illness.

GreeboIsACutePussPuss · 21/07/2017 15:47

My Dad was a funeral director, so clearly my mum had no problem with this, but actually he didn't do all that much touching the dead people, he got the coffins ready and organised the funeral, spoke to the families, carried the coffins etc but he had a lady who did their make up, got them dressed and laid them out. I used to pop in on my way home from school and the guys he worked with were all really lovely, apart from the time one saw me coming and hid in a display coffin, that was not lovely, that was fucking terrifying. I probably could date one, you know apart from the fact nearly all the local ones are friends with my dad.

I couldn't date a fishmonger, because if it got serious and we ended up living together they'd bring their stinky fish work clothes home.