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To go on holiday without my eldest?

163 replies

libertyboy · 21/07/2017 14:35

We weren't going to go on holiday this year as we really can't afford the family of 4 prices in the summer holidays.
Eldest is 10 and youngest is 14 months. My fiancé is dc1's stepdad.
Before dc2 came along we went abroad together and last year when the baby was tiny had 5 days away in the country.
I've been away on holidays without dc1 before with a friend (when I was single) and he would stay with his dad. I've never really entertained the idea of going on holiday as a family without him but now I'm wondering if it isn't actually the worst thing.
Dc1 is going abroad with his dad, step mum and brother for 10 days this summer so is having a holiday. We'll also have some days out and maybe a few days away somewhere in the remainder.
Anyway... I'm looking at holidays after the new school term starts and the prices are great plus the baby will be free.
I would love a break but am I being unreasonable to go on holiday without one of my children??

OP posts:

HipsterHunter · 21/07/2017 14:39

Um, yeah I think that would be really terrible! "Hey oldest child, you need to fuck off for a week so I can go away with my new child and my new partner"

Not cool.


Squirmy65ghyg · 21/07/2017 14:40

You are.


ECR123 · 21/07/2017 14:41

YABU, I think that would be really hurtful.

I don't think it's about him still getting a holiday with his dad, but about the fact you want to exclude him from yours...can't imagine that would feel at all nice for him.


coddiwomple · 21/07/2017 14:44

that doesn't sound great. I could vaguely understand you wanting to go whilst he is himself away with his dad, but even this doesn't sound right.
Waiting to go whilst he's at school, sorry but it sounds mean for a 10 yo.


bridgetreilly · 21/07/2017 14:44

If it were during his holiday with his dad, that would be fine. At a different time, no, that's unkind.


hazelnutlatte · 21/07/2017 14:45

I think it would be really mean to go away without a 10 year old. Only circumstance it would be ok was if you had a holiday whilst he was also on holiday with his dad, but it doesn't sound like that would be the case here.
Just have a cheap hol in the summer hols, try air bnb, plenty of places on there with prices that don't skyrocket in the school holidays.


Taniamiff · 21/07/2017 14:45

I think that is awful - sorry OP.
As your son is still only 10 missing a few days of school wouldn't be the end of the world or just do a long weekend. A family holiday should just be that - family.


Migraleve · 21/07/2017 14:45

That would be what is generally known as a cunt of a thing to do.


toosexyforyahshirt · 21/07/2017 14:48

You're going to get loads of YABVU, because everyone thinks its unfair for your oldest child to only have one foreign holiday rather than two, so your younger should have none while the oldest gets one. For some bizarre reason people think that is fair.

Granted your youngest is too young to know, but you'd get the same answers anyway.


SheldonsSpot · 21/07/2017 14:49

If you're planning it for when your eldest is away with his dad then YANBU.


MyheartbelongstoG · 21/07/2017 14:49



Notreallyarsed · 21/07/2017 14:52

Only if you're planning it for when he's away with his dad, otherwise it's just mean imo. I have DS1 and DP and I have DD and DS2 together, but we're a family. Either we all go or none of us go.


Underthemoonlight · 21/07/2017 14:53



LanaDReye · 21/07/2017 14:53

Does DC1 have time with his dad over 3-4 days normally?
I think if he was with his dad you could have a short break when he is back at school, but then have things lined up to do with him fairly soon afterwards. I think a week would more obviously be a missed holiday, while doing something when he would be with his dad anyway would seem ok not ideal but ok .


LIZS · 21/07/2017 14:55

Yabu, look at October half term instead


Pollypudding · 21/07/2017 14:57

YABU the issue is not how many holidays DS1 goes on. It being included as a member of the family. His DF is taking him on their family holiday and you should do the same. He will be very hurt if you don't.


Migraleve · 21/07/2017 15:02

the issue is not how many holidays DS1 goes on. It being included as a member of the family



Pengggwn · 21/07/2017 15:04

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

cuirderussie · 21/07/2017 15:09

That is mean because he's only 10. I have a family similar to yours and we went on holiday without my eldest only when he was an older teenager who told us he didn't want to go on holiday with little siblings in a campsite (we gave him the money to go with his friend to stay with friend's relatives in a European city/the next year he went to a festival abroad with friends) It would've been really mean to do that when he was only 10.


Astella22 · 21/07/2017 15:09

YABU it's not the fact that he is only having one holiday it's that your excluding him from a 'family' holiday. If you asked and he didn't want to go then fine but sending him to his Dads while ur away having fun is BU.


DotForShort · 21/07/2017 15:10

Pollypudding is spot on.


libertyboy · 21/07/2017 15:13

Answers as I expected really!
His dad has gone on holiday with his partner and son quite a few times without my eldest in term time so he's not the hero here!
He is a good dad though and a good friend so I've never really given his actions a second thought.
I do think it'd be strange without him with us but I'd doubt it would hurt his feelings nor would he think he'd been put aside for my 'new' partner and baby- we're really not that kind of family, all very close as far as split parent families go- we regularly do things with both parents and step parents/grandparents altogether. Fiancé and dc1 dad go for a drink once a week without any of us and they're all coming to the wedding (very incestuous!).
I still want my holiday ☹️
Maybe I should leave fiancé and kids at home and I go by myself

OP posts:

thefutureisfemale · 21/07/2017 15:13

Yes it's perfectly fine to fuck off your eldest child to go on holiday with your new partner and more deserving child!

What is wrong with you?


libertyboy · 21/07/2017 15:19

Haha brilliant thefutureisfemale.
We're wouldn't be putting him under the stairs with bread and water for a week!
He'd be having a normal week at his dads going to school, swimming and football and staying with his very nice family (no wicked stepmother or beatings!)

OP posts:

LanaDReye · 21/07/2017 15:20

I think you are having a hard time based on your latest update. How about the short break compromise with DC1 dad's support?

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