To go on holiday without my eldest?

[libertyboy]

We weren't going to go on holiday this year as we really can't afford the family of 4 prices in the summer holidays.
Eldest is 10 and youngest is 14 months. My fiancé is dc1's stepdad.
Before dc2 came along we went abroad together and last year when the baby was tiny had 5 days away in the country.
I've been away on holidays without dc1 before with a friend (when I was single) and he would stay with his dad. I've never really entertained the idea of going on holiday as a family without him but now I'm wondering if it isn't actually the worst thing.
Dc1 is going abroad with his dad, step mum and brother for 10 days this summer so is having a holiday. We'll also have some days out and maybe a few days away somewhere in the remainder.
Anyway... I'm looking at holidays after the new school term starts and the prices are great plus the baby will be free.
I would love a break but am I being unreasonable to go on holiday without one of my children??

Doesn't he get included in his father's family holidays though? They are altogether no?

My update an hour after post started.

I think you're mostly right though he is a bit young and given the choice would want to come with us.
Long weekend is a good idea and my mum would definitely have both kids together for a few days

Yes very dismissive of other opinions.

I asked my son because he would be included in any decision we made, he didn't care. Not 'he's telling me what I want to hear, he's been tricked and manipulated into saying a specific answer'.
Jesus- I wasn't dangling him over a cliff edge at the time. We can talk my son and I.

Never had a hypothetical conversation with your child? In the car today we were talking about what we would do if there were a zombie apocalypse- will that also scar him and implant deep rooted emotional upset?!

Sorry to hear of some of your bad experiences, awful in my opinion but that really isn't my family. No bitterness and no arguments. It's really not that complicated.

Doesn't he get included in his father's family holidays though? They are altogether no?

But his younger half sibling isn;t included on that. You said all together or not at all.
But you didn't actually mean that.

I didn't know I was called a cunt

I've only read the first few pages but I think this would be okay. If the baby was bigger presumably you would leave them (with grandparents?) too. I left my (only) child once to go on holidays for a week. If I had had a baby my parents (who minded her for the week) wouldn't have taken the baby so I'd have taken them. My dd did refer to it as "when you left me for 7 days and 7 nights" for a long time after but I know she had a good time, was spoiled by gp's, went to school and I brought her back presents. And more to the point, is not scarred in anyway as a grown up! Go and enjoy your holiday OP, once the baby is bigger it won't be so easy.

too sexy not sure what you mean. So every child who is related gets included in each families holiday's? Does that really make any sense?

Father takes son and new partner and step brother. Mum takes new partner, baby and son?

Or they could all get a villa altogether?

When does he go away with his dad?
Could you possibly go away that week as well?

^ This must happen with some families anyway when parents have separated. Eg. May half term and both parents want to go away on the same week. The child can only be in one place at any one time can't they?

Haven't read the whole thread but personally I'm in the same situation and I won't go away without my eldest unless it's somewhere "boring" (ie city break that toddler is along because we have no choice but not beach / family holiday type place)

My exh goes with his wife and child without my dd (his) and it upsets her and she feels excluded.

I just see her getting double there holidays as one of the few upsides of divorced parents.

But every family is different and you know your eldest best.

libertyboy there really is the most unbelievable amount of bullshit and projection on your thread. I think it's because you have the temerity to have a great joint parenting set-up with your ex, that clearly puts your DS first. There is also an in built horror on MN of 'step parents' and step-siblings /siblings/half-siblings ALL being treated in exactly the same manner at ALL times. Back on planet earth this is just not the case.
We have 8 between us. (2 now fled the nest) but over the years they have never all been treated the same. Sometimes we are all together... sometimes just mine (resident children) then sometimes when eldest dsc moved in - mine, some of his... this summer just his . Unbelievably, no one as yet is having to be treated for the trauma of not having a holiday with us. Whatever happens we make sure that they all have at least one summer holiday. Admittedly having a good child focussed relationship with ex. (My ex that is, DH ex comes from the school of batshitcrazy) makes the whole thing a lot easier. The only person who has ever got exercised about anything is his ex with her PERCEPTION of unequal treatment - which has no basis in reality.

Children are relaxed, happy calm and do not feel pushed out in anyway if separated parents have a good relationship . This is the most valuable thing. NOT a sodding week long holiday and then back to WW2 hostility.This is because they know they are loved and cared for ALL the time by both parents. Therefore they never feel pushed out.

You sound fab OP. Leave the baby at your mums and have a lovely break with your Fiancé . Not for any other reason than I think you would have a more relaxing time with neither of them. Baby won't know and your son - as you rightly say - and I completely believe, won't care a toss. Enjoy !

My NR step children don't have bedrooms at ours either... been coming for ten years... still choose to come... ^

You're right kittensinmydinner1

When I think about it I do spend a lot of time explaining my family set up to people as the automatic assumption is that step families are at war and have favourites. Or if you're a single parent the the dad is the bad guy and has abandoned you for pastures greener.

Maybe what we do is rare and that's a massive shame. Understandably not all break ups are the same depending on the cause but the kids should come first.

I've actually spoke to dp about it now and he doesn't want to go without his SS so we're looking at alternatives.

Thanks for all the comments, I appreciate everyone taking the time. I'm off to the park now with all the the kids (non biological one included) whilst the other parents pack for their hol!

Liberty I think you got a real shouting down based on other people's set-ups. Yours sounds really healthy and next time you may be better asking people on RL, as you will have more balanced perspectives from people who will know more than a title heading. The ones on here mainly seem to start from the idea that your DCs are neglected 😂

Have a good summer with your blended genetic/non genetic family in all the mixes of being together or separate that you have!

Our eldest is 10 so I'm thinking about this from his point of view.....he would be gutted if the rest of us went away without him! I don't think explaining that holidays are much cheaper during term time would cut it!

I'd rather a less exotic holiday altogether than a more exotic one where someone is left behind.