To go on holiday without my eldest?

[libertyboy]

We weren't going to go on holiday this year as we really can't afford the family of 4 prices in the summer holidays.
Eldest is 10 and youngest is 14 months. My fiancé is dc1's stepdad.
Before dc2 came along we went abroad together and last year when the baby was tiny had 5 days away in the country.
I've been away on holidays without dc1 before with a friend (when I was single) and he would stay with his dad. I've never really entertained the idea of going on holiday as a family without him but now I'm wondering if it isn't actually the worst thing.
Dc1 is going abroad with his dad, step mum and brother for 10 days this summer so is having a holiday. We'll also have some days out and maybe a few days away somewhere in the remainder.
Anyway... I'm looking at holidays after the new school term starts and the prices are great plus the baby will be free.
I would love a break but am I being unreasonable to go on holiday without one of my children??

so the cost of the holiday at £300 plus the fine of £120 is less than the £2,000 the OP cant afford.

so why not wait until he is back at school in September. put in a leave request and if denied its still a cheaper option and if granted you have an extra £120 in the pot.

It's not a family holiday if you don't include your family OP. Slap some sense into yourself for Gods sake.

The way you asked your son if he would care is similar to how my parents used to "ask" me my opinion. I always felt I had to say I didn't mind and give the answer I thought they were expecting.
A previous poster said some people's replies are based on their own experience and therefore are emotionally driven. Yes! That's true because that feeling of rejection never goes away! So we are trying to stop your DS feeling the same way. Please please don't do this.

Actually mummy the op would only need to pay £60 fine. It's £60 per child per resident parent. The non resident parent would not be charged unless it was them taking their dc on holiday , (in which case the op would not be charged.)

I don't understand why anyone bothers to post in AIBU when they then become defensive and sarcastic at anyone questioning them

That would very hurtful.

Yes, why ask for other people's views if you are going to become dismissive and defensive when they give them?

So if you post in AIBU you have to bow down and agree with everyone?

Oh sorry I didn't know!

What a rookie I am, apologies.

FYI
The fine is a moot point and doesn't apply here.

You posted in AIBU OP. And then became defensive to anyone that said you were in the wrong over this. No one mentioned you had to agree with everyone

Of course not. You do, however, try to behave in a measured way and accept that dumb agreement will not always come your way.

There's always the nasty commenters that like to get personal- I expect it and think it's brilliant really i do.

Your tone is really odd. Why would you think that's brilliant? Even if you're not bothered by it, it's hardly "brilliant".

I don't think you're some abusive horror of a mother. Not at all. But I wouldn't go without him for the sake of a relatively small fine and a few missed days at the start of the school year!

To argue a point is to defend what you have asked is it not?

Sarcasm is not rudeness, defensiveness against comments that don't apply to the question is not rudeness.

Swearing, name calling, getting personal however...

if you post in AIBU you have to bow down and agree with everyone?

Not quite, but you have to be somewhat willing to accept that you may, in fact, BU.

If you are so sure that you would be doing nothing wrong then the post is a waste of your and everybody else's time

Maybe you should have read my updates.

Libertyboy: We weren't going to go on holiday this year as we really can't afford the family of 4 prices in the summer holidays.

I don't really follow... which extra-expenses are there for a 10 year old to tag along? I mean, since the money is tight and you have a baby, you're probably not planning any luxury holiday... an apartment near the beach with most meals prepared and eaten at the apartment in Greece, Spain or Croatia should be OK.. I don't really see how 10 year old could cost so much as to consider excluding him?

There is normally no price difference for the accommodation for 2 adults plus 1 child and for 2 adults plus 2 children. I have a rental agency at Costa Brava and most apartments for 2 have a sofa-bed, which guests can use for free. You would actually have to pay extra for a baby cot (someone needs to bring it to the apartment etc), but not for the sofa-bed use.
Unless you were looking into booking 2 hotel rooms if your older child comes with you? - which I guess you weren't as you can't really leave a 10 year old sleeping alone in a hotel room, or can you..? I don't know, mine is only 3 year old, so I may be wrong here.

It's the time of year that makes the price different not the size of the party. Thank you though, some good ideas.

OP, I don't think YABU to ask the question and I understand why you've asked.

My DCs' dad regularly goes on holiday with his wife & their DS. My DCs don't get invited to go, and they are really quite bitter about it and often talk about it. This has happened EVERY YEAR since 2010. He doesn't even go at the same time as we are already away. His argument is that he can't afford to take our DCs as well. He relies on me to take them on holiday. It has caused significant resentment on my DCs' part.

Yes, why ask for other people's views if you are going to become dismissive and defensive when they give them?

Well she's been called a silly cow, a shoddy parent, and a cunt, amongst other things. Wouldn't you get a bit fucking defensive?

Thanks for your 10 pence worth too 👍🏼

Someone said she was flippant at peoples replies, this was the OP's response. The OP is being defensive as most people have not agreed with her

FWIW OP, I don't think you sound like a bad Mum at all. I wouldn't want to leave one child at home, school holidays or not, but he sounds more than happy for you to go without him. As your baby however would be going for free, can't you go away when your DC is away with his DF? Is it still too expensive just for you and your fiance (and baby)

The OP is being defensive as most people have not agreed with her

I think its more the manner and the obnoxiousness that made her defensive.

Just go with your fiance or alone. That's an actual holiday.

Going abroad with a baby is just doing childcare in a less convenient place.

YABU and you don't like that we are telling you so. I cannot believe you asked him - very manipulative - you are the adult - you don't put the decision on him. I feel for your boy. All together or not at all.

You know your son best. Plus youve asked him what he thinks about it am sure you would know if he was disappointed or upset when you suggested it to him.

Although personally i couldn't do it....now leaving both at home that i could do maybe baby with your mum and son at his dads as normal....now thats a holiday!

I feel for your boy. All together or not at all

By that logic he shouldn't be allowed to go with his father on holiday. Thats not all together, so must be not at all then, yes?