To go on holiday without my eldest?

[libertyboy]

We weren't going to go on holiday this year as we really can't afford the family of 4 prices in the summer holidays.
Eldest is 10 and youngest is 14 months. My fiancé is dc1's stepdad.
Before dc2 came along we went abroad together and last year when the baby was tiny had 5 days away in the country.
I've been away on holidays without dc1 before with a friend (when I was single) and he would stay with his dad. I've never really entertained the idea of going on holiday as a family without him but now I'm wondering if it isn't actually the worst thing.
Dc1 is going abroad with his dad, step mum and brother for 10 days this summer so is having a holiday. We'll also have some days out and maybe a few days away somewhere in the remainder.
Anyway... I'm looking at holidays after the new school term starts and the prices are great plus the baby will be free.
I would love a break but am I being unreasonable to go on holiday without one of my children??

Would you be comfortable leaving the baby with grandparents, if you have that sort of support, and going on a long weekend or shorter break with just you and your fiance?

What a lovely mum! Definitely leave your eldest behind to buzz off with new partner and kid. You really shouldn't procreate

Adviceplease360
FYI
He is not my new partner. He's is my fiancé, sons beloved step dad of 5 years and the father of his baby brother.
Not some fling I met on plenty of fish who has made me abandon my kids just for a quick holiday in shagaluf!

Stereotyping there.

I think you have already made up your mind to be honest. We have never been on holiday without my stepdaughter in all the years I have been in her life. We even took her and our kids on our honey moon. If you are treating one you have to treat them all.

I think you're mostly right though he is a bit young and given the choice would want to come with us.
Long weekend is a good idea and my mum would definitely have both kids together for a few days

Either take both children or neither. A 14 month old baby isn't exactly great fun on holiday, more of a same shit but with less of the stuff you are used to at home.

Under 2's are free during school holidays too, its just the total cost during the holidays is greater.

My parents separated when I was about your DS's age and I still remember them arguing about who was not taking me as they both wanted to go away without me so they could be with their new partners. That hurt has never left me. Don't do it OP. He WILL feel left out, pushed aside, no matter how you present it or what he says.

What is your normal routine? Where I am, it's normal for children to have alternate weeks with each parent, so that going away during one of those weeks wouldn't make the slightest difference. It's not as if your fourteen month old is going to be rubbing the ten year old's nose in it. In fact, if your routine is set up that way, I daresay he might remain blissfully unaware you'd even been away.

It's a practical arrangement that surely shouldn't be causing so much angst. Even if he does know, I should have thought you could explain it to him in terms of 'you went abroad with your Dad and now it's DC2's turn'.

I think you have to go with what you feel. Maybe sometime you and DC1 could go on a special trip without DC2. So long as he knows he is important, I don't think it is such a big deal.

Angelthursday that's awful and I would NEVER make my child feel like that. Read my updates 😀

I cant quite believe you would even question if that was ok to do?! You get cracking deals for a family of 4!

I have 4 dc, its near impossible to find a decent all inclusive apartment for 6... now for 5 folks its much easier, but fuck sakes, no way would i leave one at home.

I could vaguely understand you wanting to go whilst he is himself away with his dad, but even this doesn't sound right.

Yeah, don't do that either. My parents waited until they'd waved me off on the coach for a school trip and immediately ran off to Spain with my brother. They kept it a secret too, it only came out when then 9yo brother spilled the beans. That didn't feel great and I was older than your kid.

YABU

You chose to have a family of 4, it has extra costs, if you can't afford a holiday for 4 then don't go on holiday, it's not a necessity.

It would be very hurtful to be the 10 year old left behind

But you've obviously made up your mind already anyway

who was not taking me as they both wanted to go away without me

I think that scenario is rather different and that is an argument between two deeply selfish people, neither of whom wanted to take responsibility and were extremely cruel to allow you to hear. You should never, ever have been aware of that discussion.

That doesn't mean, if handled correctly, the OP can't manage a break. If she loves her son and he feels properly secure and is well cared for, I don't see this as anywhere near as traumatic as what you went through.

YABVVU and he will not forget this if you leave him out.

He has spent two weeks straight at his dads before.
I suppose we share custody and nothing is set in stone from one week to the next. We're always flexible with each other and very easy going.
I am swaying more to not going without him though. More so because I'll perhaps not enjoy it as much and as another poster said taking a baby on holiday isn't that relaxing!

YWBVU. If your son belonged to your fiancé would he be seen as an inconvenience to your holiday plans? I think it's a sure fire way of shoe horning your eldest put of your 'new family'

A 10yo should be entertained at the thought of a holiday, unless his latent has implied it's not something that's for children

Well this escalated quickly, I take it nobody is reading OPs updates?

My parents decided to go away without me at around the same age - all sold to me as I'd be bored and would have a lovely time at PGL, much more fun etc. I didn't. I got wedged in a tunnel while potholing and another kid shot me by accident during archery. I have never to this day forgiven my parents and take every opportunity to remind them of it. Not that I'm bitter DON'T DO IT.

You sound lovely OP. A long weekend with both children at your mum's sounds like a great compromise. Hope you find somewhere lovely to go.

Posters stereotyping with all this 'new family' crap is very disturbing.
Not all split parent families are at war nor do we find those first borns inconvenient and prefer our new children.
Watching too much Jeremy Kyle...

It's not about how many holidays people have.

Its about being sent away so the rest of your family can have a cheaper holiday without you. The fact that your partner is the step-parent and you have a baby together makes it worse. Like you're having a holiday for the real family with DS out of the way.

Was this your own idea?

You were hoping to go with your new family though. You wouldn't dream of leaving your eldest if he was biologically your partners.

No way! I don't care how much logical sense it makes, and how it wouldn't benefit him if you stay home, don't go.

He will feel pushed out and replaced by his younger sibling.

I thought you were going to say 18 when I clicked on this!

But he's not so that's a ridiculous argument. We have a completely different family dynamic.
He also wouldn't be going away without us for 10 days if he was both our biological son would he...?
Right then.