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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To go on holiday without my eldest?

163 replies

libertyboy · 21/07/2017 14:35

We weren't going to go on holiday this year as we really can't afford the family of 4 prices in the summer holidays.
Eldest is 10 and youngest is 14 months. My fiancé is dc1's stepdad.
Before dc2 came along we went abroad together and last year when the baby was tiny had 5 days away in the country.
I've been away on holidays without dc1 before with a friend (when I was single) and he would stay with his dad. I've never really entertained the idea of going on holiday as a family without him but now I'm wondering if it isn't actually the worst thing.
Dc1 is going abroad with his dad, step mum and brother for 10 days this summer so is having a holiday. We'll also have some days out and maybe a few days away somewhere in the remainder.
Anyway... I'm looking at holidays after the new school term starts and the prices are great plus the baby will be free.
I would love a break but am I being unreasonable to go on holiday without one of my children??

OP posts:

Adviceplease360 · 21/07/2017 20:35

I imagine if you said would you like to come, the answer would be very different. Nasty selfish woman. Yes I am name calling. No less than you deserve

RainaBaina · 21/07/2017 20:40

Wow. Sorry but you sound a piece of work.

Justgivemesomepeace · 21/07/2017 20:41

If you can't afford it, you can't go. Just like the rest of us. Thats how it works when you have a school age child. No one's bullying you. You're going to damage that child and you're not listening because the answers don't match what you want.

mummymeister · 21/07/2017 20:47

A week in the 6 weeks hol for all of us is 2k plus.

Rubbish! a week in a cottage or caravan in the UK would be half of this and you would only be spending on food what you spend at home.

Justify it on financial grounds if you have to but be accurate about it.

You are going to do it anyway so why bother asking peoples advice. go ahead and do it but don't moan if when hes a teenager he throws this back at you. are you going to be doing this for the next 4 or 5 years then until the baby goes to school?

LIZS · 21/07/2017 20:57

He's telling you what he thinks you want to hear. Not sure you are comparing like with like. If you can only afford £300 find something of shorter duration closer to home or go in October/Easter. But I suspect you actually just want to escape your normal family of 4 life.

Whichwayyisup · 21/07/2017 20:59

Yabvvvvvvvvu. Poor child

Original poster

libertyboy · 21/07/2017 21:02

There's always the nasty commenters that like to get personal- I expect it and think it's brilliant really i do.

He wasn't asked 'would you like to come?' As that wasn't the option. There's no option for him to go on holiday during term time, ever. School is very important.
I won't waste time defending my sons very good family life, I'll just say it's that, very good. All he cares about currently is YouTube so I wouldn't underestimate his emotional capabilities.

Come on though it's very tempting to get a cheeky week away in term time when it's so cheap!

OP posts:

Original poster

libertyboy · 21/07/2017 21:04

Holidays abroad are 2k, we go to a caravan too and are at the end of august.

OP posts:

amusedbush · 21/07/2017 21:05

You've clearly made up your mind and your replies show that you're not interested in hearing anything apart from support for your decision.

thefutureisfemale · 21/07/2017 21:05

Well...the money saved is clearly worth more to OP than spending time with the eldest. What more can you say?

Original poster

libertyboy · 21/07/2017 21:05

It would be nice...feeling a bit ganged up on here ☹️

OP posts:

Freddiesfling · 21/07/2017 21:06

Yes it is very tempting and in a weird way if you left the baby at home I don't think it would seem so bad at all!! Toddlers are a nightmare on holiday... so is leaving him/her an option also!

Original poster

libertyboy · 21/07/2017 21:10

Oh yes I agree, if I left the toddler too there'd be no discussion really.
I did settle this earlier and say I wouldn't be going on holiday without him and maybe we could get a few days away if my mum had both the kids, definite possibility!

OP posts:

Freddiesfling · 21/07/2017 21:11

For what is worth... you sound like a lovely mum and I genuinely mean that and I don't agree with the insults at all but I honestly think it's not a well thought out decision and the message it may send your child is that he is an outsider in his own family.....do you think the holiday will
Be the same without one of your babies? X

Freddiesfling · 21/07/2017 21:12

Oh and as a mum of 4 I Would happily leave them all for a short holiday 😂

rainbowpie · 21/07/2017 21:19

I can't imagine leaving one of my DC at home, it wouldn't be a family holiday without both of them. I'd love a week in the sun too but we can't afford so we're going to Norfolk. Even if your DS says he doesn't mind, you should be the one assuring him that he is coming anyway and that he is important and that your family is not complete without him.

rollonthesummer · 21/07/2017 21:20

I wonder what he would have said if you'd asked him if he'd like to come rather than asking him if he'd care if he didn't?

I am no bully but I wouldn't do this to a child of mine.

Original poster

libertyboy · 21/07/2017 21:22

Thank you, that's nice to hear!
To be honest I'd rather go with him and leave the baby- that doesn't seem as bad either does it?

We had a weekend away in Hastings last month and left the dp and baby at home as our weekend mini breaks are a bit of a tradition going back to when he was little (and I was single). No problems there.

It obviously wouldn't be the same without him of course not but it is tempting

OP posts:

SeekEveryEveryKnownHidingPlace · 21/07/2017 21:22

'Would you care' is a bit of a leading question and clearly tells him what you think his answer should be!

I didn't initially think this was quite as bad as some posters do, although certainly not something I'd choose to do. But as the threads gone on, I do think you're behaving quite badly OP, sorry. Yabu.

Original poster

libertyboy · 21/07/2017 21:29

Would you care and how would you feel?

It's not misleading or coercive it's asking his opinion on the actual fact not asking if he'd like to go too. That wasn't the question!

OP posts:

wiltingfast · 21/07/2017 21:38

Op.. he is 10. A few more years he won't want to go anywhere with you at all.

Pick a cheaper holiday you can all do.

And tbh I don't think you should put into his mind at all that you are thinking of going without him.

LostSight · 21/07/2017 23:00

Sounds like you have a good relationship. It's great that the dynamic of your new relationship is such that you still get one-on-one time. For what it's worth, you sound like someone pragmatic and sensible.

I guess there are a lot of people who have been hurt by their parents, who are reacting strongly, but you know your son. His answer doesn't sound like agreement because it's what you want to hear. It sounds like he honestly isn't concerned, so long as you don't go to the one place he really wants to go without him.

Original poster

libertyboy · 21/07/2017 23:41

Thanks lostsight

We do have a good relationship and he's always a top priority to all of us, he was my only child for a long time so it's good to have that one on one time.

Our family set up works for us and we made it so (before either of us had different partners) so that our son would be as happy as possible. Any potential new partners that didn't like/understand it didn't make the cut, that was the deal.
Luckily we both found good ones!

OP posts:

emmyrose2000 · 22/07/2017 00:12

The fact this idea even entered your head speaks volumes.

AndNowItIsSeven · 22/07/2017 00:19

Lilly the maximum fine is £120.

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