To go on holiday without my eldest?

[libertyboy]

We weren't going to go on holiday this year as we really can't afford the family of 4 prices in the summer holidays.
Eldest is 10 and youngest is 14 months. My fiancé is dc1's stepdad.
Before dc2 came along we went abroad together and last year when the baby was tiny had 5 days away in the country.
I've been away on holidays without dc1 before with a friend (when I was single) and he would stay with his dad. I've never really entertained the idea of going on holiday as a family without him but now I'm wondering if it isn't actually the worst thing.
Dc1 is going abroad with his dad, step mum and brother for 10 days this summer so is having a holiday. We'll also have some days out and maybe a few days away somewhere in the remainder.
Anyway... I'm looking at holidays after the new school term starts and the prices are great plus the baby will be free.
I would love a break but am I being unreasonable to go on holiday without one of my children??

Thanks lostsight 😀

What difference would it make if he was both of your biological child? He is yours, and is still very much a child so should always be included.

My parents holidayed without any of us every year. They called it their 'honeymoon'. Sometimes we had someone stay with us and sometimes we stayed with various friends and relations. They also took some of us on trips and left some of us behind from time to time (4 children). I'm not in any way scarred by either of these scenarios so I don't think that the OP's idea is so very terrible.

I'd explore the option of leaving your 14 month old with your parents OP, and take a grown up city type break for as long as you think your toddler and parents can cope.

Witsender
That was more to do with adviceplease360 stupid comments suggesting I prefer my 'new' family over my eldest.

I think you have already made your mind up about going without him, and now you're just trying to ease your conscience. Don't kid yourself, your son will be hurt if you leave him behind.

Wow

In your position if I left one behind it would be the baby who has no idea whete they are as long as they are ged and warm

Much fun can be had with a 10yo and I imagine your bond would be strengthened by doing such

*fed

I agree anyfucker I've been away with the eldest alone lots of time, just before I fell pregnant we went to Portugal just the two of us then Malta as a trio - it's just he'll be at school.
I'd actually prefer to go away without any of them (fiancé included) for a real break.

Ha !

Could you ask your eldest his thoughts?

Someone I know recently lied to their child a similar sort of age to yours and said they were going somewhere in the UK and completely down played it so that they would choose to go with their Dad for the week instead. They've actually booked a week all inclusive abroad with their new partner and child (new partner is the father). Now that's unreasonable!

Its not about what your ex has done.
Its not about how many holidays your eldest would have.

It is about how he will feel when he is left out of a family event and how that will shape his feelings towards his family (you, your fiancee and your other child)

so because his dad leaves him out, you can too?

your ex is pretty much none of your business. He can take his family on however many holidays he wants and he's a dickhead if he leaves out one of his kids

You have 2 kids not one and a half. Act like it

Its about being sent away so the rest of your family can have a cheaper holiday without you.

He isn't being sent away. He'd be at home with his Dad. He might well not even be spending any more time with his Dad's side of the family than he usually would. Unless someone deliberately tells him, he probably wouldn't even need to know. If the other sibling was older and likely to taunt him, it would be different.

When mine were younger, there might have been occasions when my elder children stayed with my Mum and the youngest came with us, because he was too young to be left. Nobody made a big deal of it, so it wasn't a big deal. None of the children has ever raised it as an issue. Just not really seeing much difference if this is a stable situation where neither side is scoring points.

Your post and subsequent posts make me feel really sad for your eldest child. You sound like you have already made your mind up and are now trying to justify excluding him from a holiday with his mum. Like others have said you prefer your 'new family ' and it's too expensive to take you so we'll go without you. It is disgusting. Just go without a holiday if u can't afford for everyone to go

MEESH25
Thanks for your 10 pence worth

Well, you sound like you've made up your mind, OP, and the flippant answers directed at posters who don't agree with you are I suspect how you parent too.

I 've just taken my 16 yo son away to Malaysia. Couldn't get my 13 yo daughter out of school without a £600 fine . I m taking her to Euro Disney in October instead . Both kids happy. Could you do a cheaper/ different holiday with just him later in the year

Brilliant otterlieriver.
I don't think I'm that bothered by a mix of opinion or I wouldn't post on aibu (which, is my favourite topic so I know what it's like).

It's a topic I'd hardly expect the majority to agree on so I'm not bitter by anyone's opinion. 95% say in fact am being unreasonable- expected. Also no justification of conscience easing here, simply better explaining the circumstances.

You're right though I am a flippant parent (whatever that means?)

It means that you sound like you don't give a shit.

And a ten year old WILL know you left him behind a younger child (5 or so) maybe but a 10 year is too old and you could cause massive upset / resentment and tbh

YABVU

Again brilliant.
So from being flippant with a poster you've deduced I don't give a shit about my kid.

There's always one...

Thanks for your 10 pence worth too 👍🏼

It's not something I could ever do... my sister in law grew up with divorced parents and has never got over being left behind on family holidays... she felt that she was always the odd one out with her mum and dads subsequent children and although a well balanced adult she still gets moments of bitterness.

Of course you love your son and if you didn't care you wouldn't be asking peoples opinions on whether or not you should go, but I honestly think that it could cause feelings or resentment and upset in the future..... and no holiday is worth hurting the feelings of your son!

I can't believe you'd hurt his feelings like that just because of your own wants. Either all should go or none.

You'd have to live in fantasy land to believe a child would not be hurt that his mum was taking her boyfriend and their chid away and not them as they didn't want to spend the extra.

I haven't rtft sorry but as someone who grew up with divorced parents I'd say that it really doesn't matter what sort of family you think you are, that sort of thing stays with kids for a long time. It may not seem like a big deal to you at all but it might to him. Please reconsider.