To go on holiday without my eldest?

[libertyboy]

We weren't going to go on holiday this year as we really can't afford the family of 4 prices in the summer holidays.
Eldest is 10 and youngest is 14 months. My fiancé is dc1's stepdad.
Before dc2 came along we went abroad together and last year when the baby was tiny had 5 days away in the country.
I've been away on holidays without dc1 before with a friend (when I was single) and he would stay with his dad. I've never really entertained the idea of going on holiday as a family without him but now I'm wondering if it isn't actually the worst thing.
Dc1 is going abroad with his dad, step mum and brother for 10 days this summer so is having a holiday. We'll also have some days out and maybe a few days away somewhere in the remainder.
Anyway... I'm looking at holidays after the new school term starts and the prices are great plus the baby will be free.
I would love a break but am I being unreasonable to go on holiday without one of my children??

[Justgivemesomepeace]

No way. When my son was born my dd was 10, different dad's, so exactly the same as your family. I'm really conscious even now that she 100% feels as important and valued in this family as my son as he has both mum and dad together and she doesn't. She still goes on holiday with her dad and his family so some years she does get 2 holidays but so what- she's not got both her parents together. I want her to know she totally belongs here with us and doesn't feel excluded. I think it's a sensitive dynamic and your setting yourself up for problems if you allow to to feel less valued in any way. All 4 of you are a family- you can't leave one behind because it's cheaper or inconvenient with school holidays!

[AndromedaPerseus]

The thing is maybe you are just being pragmatic and logistically it makes more sense for him to go on holiday with his dad and for you to go with your fiancé and baby. But in your ds 10 year old mind I bet he feels he I'd being left out.

[ConstanceCraving]

Would you be going when your DS is away with his dad?

[Starlight2345]

I have a 10 year old ..I can only think that if I were in your situation, my DS would consider you think of the 14 month old and stepdad as the real family and he is the outsider.


I think you end up doing real emotional damage to your DS..

[libertyboy]

It's not want to spend at all. It's can't afford!
A week in the 6 weeks hol for all of us is 2k plus.
The hols I've been looking at in September are £300- big difference.

Anyway...looks like I might get my selfish holiday after all.
I've had a chat with dc1 and basically said 'would you care if I went on holiday with dp and dc2 without you and you stayed at daddy's? How would it make you feel?'
His answer
'Nope...errr...unless you're going to America as I haven't been there yet'.
Such an insecure left out child I've raised 😀

[Freddiesfling]

I would say similar as a child to
Not rock the boat or to save face but I can assure you it hurt... it still hurts! As other have said moot point it may be if he was ur husbands would you do this..... you have two children.... poor little boy!

[Oswin]

Shit. So his dad fucks off on holiday without him. You want to fuck off on holiday without him.
He's not a full part of either family is he.

[libertyboy]

stands braced waiting to be told my son doesn't know his own mind

[libertyboy]

poor little boy
Brilliant.

[knityourgobshut]

Incestuous

You what??

[Adviceplease360]

This isn't real. I can't believe a mother would actually do this. That poor boy knowing he isn't welcome on a "family" holiday

[libertyboy]

I love AIBU!!
Such a mixed bag

[Adviceplease360]

Op, you are a truly shoddy parent. No better than his father who is so terrible for going on holiday without him.

[libertyboy]

Here come the bullies...

[Freddiesfling]

Wouldn't say mixed would say the vast majority don't agree with you ans yes poor little boy!! I was that child, whether you want to admit it or not you are putting yourself first at the expense of his feelings.

[Adviceplease360]

You deserve it. Silly cow

[Freddiesfling]

I'm no bully I just don't agree with your decision, I'm not name calling but I have been that child... things like this leave a mark honestly!

[libertyboy]

Oh, adviceplease360 is back

[Nanny0gg]

He didn't ask to have two families so it's just a bonus that he might get taken away by both.

[Purplemac]

YABU. DH and I take DSD on holiday every year, we also have a holiday without her every year - but we don't have another child. We are adopting and when that goes through there is no WAY we would just take one with us and not the other. It's incredibly unfair and hurtful.

[Thunderthighs11]

"Would you care" instead of "would you like to come?" He's the child you're been not only selfish but manipulative too.

[Unihorn]

I have a similar set up with an "incestuous" extended blended family. I wouldn't leave my DSD to go away with her dad and our baby though sorry! Wouldn't feel right no matter how much money it would save and how much I've wanted to suggest it sometimes!

I know she feels completely secure in both sides of her family but I would be concerned that in a few years' time she may look back and feel differently about it.

[libertyboy]

Not every split parent family is you or will have your experiences.

[Freddiesfling]

No and not every split family would do this to their child!

[Tequilamockinbird]

Take him out of school and with you, after term starts. As long as you ask, and are granted, holiday from school obviously.