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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not answer the door if I don't want to?

266 replies

Meowstro · 21/07/2017 10:43

Just that really. I don't answer the door (on a busy road) unless I'm expecting a parcel or someone to pop in which would have been arranged or they can call once there. I don't even pretend I'm not in, I just don't care. AIBU?

OP posts:
WhatToDoAboutThis2017 · 23/07/2017 22:28

so I call back until I actually speak to someone.

You'd have repeated wasted journeys then Grin

Partypolitics99 · 23/07/2017 22:39

I don't answer the door if not expecting it. Two years ago I answered the door and had a man try to force his way in. He pushed me back and tried to get in. I kicked out and thank goodness got him in the balls and he doubled over and I managed to push him out.

The police could not have been less interested.
So I don't answer the door now when I am not expecting it

RortyCrankle · 23/07/2017 22:41

TabascoToastie
Wow RortyCrankle you have the ability to diagnose MH problems over the Internet!? You could make a fortune.

Obviously I don't and not sure how you came to that conclusion from reading my posts unless you have an overactive imagination.

Mittens1969 · 23/07/2017 22:47

Sometimes you get kids knocking on doors just to make mischief. When I had a bad ankle, some years ago now, there was a group of teenagers who knocked on our door just to get me to come to the door. What made it worse was that I had to come down the stairs on my bottom to get to the door on one occasion. They must have seen me on crutches outside the house.

Once I stopped going to answer the door, they soon gave up. I suspect that's something that happens a lot to disabled people sadly.

NapQueen · 23/07/2017 22:50

I dont answer mine either unless the kids are home, as they squeal with excitement at the doorbell and run full pelt to the door like a pair of idiots labradors.

If Im alone nope, that door dont get answered. Thankfully our living space is at the back if the house and bedrooms at the front so the curtains are always drawn and the front is always quiet.

derxa · 23/07/2017 23:04

Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaghhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh

Mittens1969 · 23/07/2017 23:05

My DDs are the same, it's impossible not to answer the door when they're at home. But as I said in a previous post, I've always made it clear to them that they mustn't answer the door if I'm not there.

chipscheeseandgravy · 23/07/2017 23:08

Do people actually have to make an appointment with you in order to speak to you?

Yes... I would prefer if they did.

WaspsAreBastards · 23/07/2017 23:47

chipscheeseandgravy Grin I agree!

Anxietyreallyblows · 24/07/2017 09:58

Yanbu it's your door your choice.

I wouldn't answer the door at night as my neighbours all have my number and there has been a few scams with people being broken into. During the day I do but I wouldnt at night. If it was someone asking for help (or money as are the recent cases) I'd call the police to either assist or arrest.

BalloonDinosaur · 24/07/2017 10:31

I never used to in previous house. Living room and my bedroom were at the back of the house so could feasibly ignore it/claim I hadn't heard it and did.

Our current house has a big pane of glass in the front door and you can see down into the living room Hmm so if I've been seen I generally answer, but wouldn't if I could get away with it.

LoniceraJaponica · 24/07/2017 10:40

MN is a parallel universe. I don't know anyone who doesn't answer the door. However I do understand that anyone suffering from anxiety would feel uncomfortable doing so.

Not all MN doorbell ignores must be suffering from anxiety, surely?

DigitalGhost · 24/07/2017 10:40

I always check the CCTV before opening the door incase it's someone I can't be arsed with.

Witsender · 24/07/2017 10:43

I don't suppose from anxiety, I just don't like unnecessary interaction or interruption.

If a friend popped round, saw my car but no answer they would phone and see if I was there.

If a charity collector comes by I have no desire to smile politely and try to extricate myself from a conversation, so I just don't start one.

CockacidalManiac · 24/07/2017 10:45

I'm with Witsender on this.

Mittens1969 · 24/07/2017 10:54

There never used to be so many charity collectors coming round pushing for donations. There are those who 'guilt trip' us into giving to their respective charities, which I really resent. What also annoys me is that they go through their spiel without drawing breath sometimes and I have to listen to them whether I want to or not.

So I've stopped answering the door; I'd rather do that than cut these people short, and be made to feel uncaring.

CockacidalManiac · 24/07/2017 11:06

I see it as similar to when my phone rings. If I don't recognise the number, I let it go to voicemail. Why? Because it'll often be someone trying to sell you something. I'm not so desperate for human company that I'll always answer the door if I'm not expecting someone/a parcel.

limitedperiodonly · 24/07/2017 11:26

My neighbour never opens her door without a written appointment. A while ago she knocked and, being the sort of person who craves human company/regards answering the door as normal, I opened it.

She asked whether my water had been cut off and I said yes, and pointed down the street to workmen fixing a water main. They were fairly obvious, what with the lights, deafening generator and pneumatic drills.

She said dinner was ruined because she had no water. I said someone had knocked about an hour before to warn me and I filled the kettle and saucepans so had enough. She said she'd heard the knock but ignored it. She was weirdly annoyed by this. I advised her to ring for a takeaway and answer the fucking door when it came.

limitedperiodonly · 24/07/2017 11:38

One time I opened the door to an unexpected ring was the postman telling me I had left my keys on the lock, outside.

Lweji my mum had a similar story. The postman found her keys in the door and knocked to return them. No reply. Knowing she was elderly, he was a bit worried so entered calling out 'Hello?'. No reply.

He toured the downstairs - no one except her cat. He then went upstairs. She was sitting on the loo with the door open. She hadn't heard him because she was really deaf. They both took the shock well and she was very grateful he'd been so caring.

She used to open the door in daylight hours but not after dark because she lived alone. She once saw off some bogus callers trying to con their way in. She chased them down the path shouting and swearing at them. When the police came they told her she shouldn't do that, but were clearly rather impressed.

manhowdy · 24/07/2017 20:50

Can I reassure all the non-answerers.

If I am passing your house and I notice it is on fire I will not knock, but will bang on your door screaming fire through the letterbox while calling 999. I won't knock once, think 'how rude' when you don't answer and wander off.

And if I find your keys left in the lock, rather than let myself in and surprise you on the bog, I will knock then stick them through your letterbox.

Because people don't / can't always answer the door and I don't find it weird or take it as a personal insult.

ZaphodBeeblerox · 24/07/2017 21:40

We have a door phone to the main door. I answer that mostly, although it's always some person ringing for the flat upstairs who's either illiterate or just frustrated that they're not answering so decided to buzz me instead. I don't open the main door unless I know it's for me and is someone I'I expecting though. Or it's the Labour Party canvassing because I know they get a hard time in my neighbourhood and I like letting them know they've got some supporters at least.

ShesABloodyLoon · 24/07/2017 21:41

I didn't know this was a thing until MN. I always answer my door. Never occurred to me not to. I would find it rude if I knocked on someone's door and they refused to see me. It's purposely ignoring someone.

I've knocked on different doors for many reasons in my life. Such as, I've got a parcel for them, their cat has been knocked down, their dog has escaped, would they like to come for a BBQ? Can they please turn the music down, someone was looking in their car and house windows while they were out.... many different reasons.
Most people wouldn't ignore someone in the street trying to speak to them so why would they do it at home? It really doesn't make sense to me.

Though now my kids are old enough to have callers and to play out, I have a Dry Marker which I write on the door glass with. It says where each kid is.

A is OUT
B Is IN
C is not allowed out today

It stops the most of the gazillion knocks a day by school friends.

AudacityJones · 24/07/2017 21:43

I don't know anyone who would pop by unannounced! So the only people who would be ringing my doorbell when I wasn't expecting someone would be : a parcel, someone ringing for the upstairs flat, or a chugged/Jehovah's Witness. I always check via CCTV and ignore most of them. (I let the parcel delivery guys leave parcels inside our main door though because I'm not an absolutely weirdo cf last week's thread about neighbours and parcels!)

chipscheeseandcurrysauce · 24/07/2017 21:45

I don't answer the door to anyone but the postie, couriers or people I'm expecting

BillBrysonsBeard · 24/07/2017 21:50

I always answer mine but I might think differently if we got any jehovas witnesses, charities, sellers.. we are lucky! Anyone visiting us texts first. So basically any door knock for us is a delivery Grin