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AIBU?

To not answer the door if I don't want to?

266 replies

Meowstro · 21/07/2017 10:43

Just that really. I don't answer the door (on a busy road) unless I'm expecting a parcel or someone to pop in which would have been arranged or they can call once there. I don't even pretend I'm not in, I just don't care. AIBU?

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Bluntness100 · 21/07/2017 13:46

Very strange, I can't imagine sitting quietly inside ignoring someone knocking at the door. I'm sorry but I find it weird behaviour. However it's your door and your decision.

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chips4teaplease · 21/07/2017 13:48

Do people actually have to make an appointment with you in order to speak to you?
Of course. Why should I want to speak to randoms, at their convenience, when I am in my own home? If I go out, I know I run the risk of being accosted by strangers. But at home, I want to have peace, and to see/hear only my close family.

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Bitchfromhell · 21/07/2017 13:49

I've hidden from the door twice this week. Once from an uninvited mil as I was in my pants and once from a delivery person as I was mid weep.
I don't regret either occasion, the delivery person would have just been embarrassed and mil would have stayed all afternoon because that's what she does.
It's fine to ignore the door if you need to, I regularly don't answer my phone either.

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Gillian1980 · 21/07/2017 13:49

Yanbu.

I usually answer the door but sometimes I choose not to. Sometimes it's inconvenient or I just don't want to interact.

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ZerbaPadnaTigre · 21/07/2017 13:51

I think friends/family calling around unannounced is weird and a massive waste of time unless you never leave your hosue. Surely it's more normal, especially now that most people have a mobile phone, to check that somebody is actually in before you show up on their doorstep?

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Meowstro · 21/07/2017 13:51

RedSkyAtNight Tbh, you're right. It may change then as I remember my DM would always answer the door and regularly had her door open for friends. She's still like it now. I was the same when I lived there until my early twenties, even when home alone.

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Brown76 · 21/07/2017 13:56

YANBU but i do open the door and recently it was a decorator who was painting a neighbours house to say that there were tiles missing off my roof. I hadn't noticed that they'd blown away. Glad I answered.

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iloveeverykindofcat · 21/07/2017 13:56

I used to not bother but in my last house its been plain clothes police twice, on seperate murder investigations!* They had a series of specific questions for residents, like what did we see on our way home, were we in between x and x time, did we hear anything...

I have since moved.

*One turned out to be an accidental death but still.

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DJBaggySmalls · 21/07/2017 13:59

I'll just leave this for cold callers; if I dont answer the door at the first knock, quit. Hammering on it then acting aggrieved if I finally get there does not put me in the mood to give you my bank details.

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Birdsgottaf1y · 21/07/2017 14:09

I've also never encountered anyone in RL who won't answer the door.

There was a poster on here who had a fall, when heavily pregnant in her front path, she called out for help and the neighbours ignored her. Her 4 year old knocked and was also ignored, by the time she got help, her baby had died.

Another story that stuck with me was a homeless woman giving birth in Germany just after midnight on Christmas morning. She knocked house to house, her newborn son died from the cold. A passing Police car found them. People said they thought she'd be asking for money, so ignored her crying etc.

I've had people knock, who needed help and have been very grateful when we've broken down etc who have answered their door.

I ignore obvious sales people, but anyone else, I would think that it's a very strangle, cold way to behave.

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Billben · 21/07/2017 14:10

YANBU.
I'm the same with the phone. I answer it if I feel like it won't answer it if I don't.

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airforsharon · 21/07/2017 14:13

I'm really glad at this moment my neighbours aren't like this - at lunchtime with no warning a pipe burst in my kitchen, water pissing everywhere under tremendous pressure and my stopcock was jammed, I couldn't get it to shift at all. Ran to immediate neighbour, knocked, he answered and came straight round to help.

Obv no one is obliged to answer their door but one day that might be you OP

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bigbluebus · 21/07/2017 14:13

I hadn't realised so many people didn't answer their doors until I joined Mumsnet. In the last 3 days, if I hadn't answered the door to callers, I would have missed the following:
The lovely chap from down the road who brings us surplus veg grown in his garden
A friend from 3 miles away who had said they would pop something through the letter box but who knocked as my car was on the drive
The Avon lady as I had forgotten to put my catalogue out for her to collect



The only time i don't open the door is if I have seen the God botherers in the street knocking on other doors. If I don't see them in advance then I open the door to the caller and they get a swift but polite "no thank you".

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BeyondThePage · 21/07/2017 14:14

I answer my door, but I guess we live in a nice neighbourhood where we are in and out having a cuppa eating cake , watching each other's kids, waiting for service engineers etc. I can't imagine my world being 4 walls of isolation, not even answering a door.

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Underparmummy · 21/07/2017 14:15

Still LOL-ing at 'It could be Andi Peters'

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iloveeverykindofcat · 21/07/2017 14:17

Those are some horrible stories :(.

Less dramatically, when one of my cats went missing, I was grateful that my neighbours opened their doors to check their gardens for me and say they'd keep a look out. Of course madam came back on her own at 1am in the rain but I appreciated the gesture.

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Backtoblack1 · 21/07/2017 14:18

Can't stand answering the door...or the phone!

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coddiwomple · 21/07/2017 14:19

It's your home, you do what you want, I don't get why some people are so upset about it one way or another.

Sometimes I do open my door, sometimes I don't: if I am giving a bath to my kid, if I am in the shower, if I am bleaching my moustache, if I have a deadline of some kind or am in the middle of cooking or in the attic getting luggage or something. Endless boring reasons why I wouldn't open. Either way, it's not exactly a big deal is it. If it was a kid of my DH who forgot his keys, I am sure he would insist until I open. If I am in the garden, I don't even hear the door bell but I am sure one of my kids face will pop in so whoever is at the door will know we are inside. So what?

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GabsAlot · 21/07/2017 14:21

nop i dont answer either unless its a parcel coming or arranged visitors too many jw's and other surveys that wont take a minute round here

and signs dont work

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Seren85 · 21/07/2017 14:33

I don't unless expecting a delivery or visitor. What I will do though is check who it is so if it was a neighbour in distress or an emergency I'll answer, if it is a total random just standing there then I won't. I could not care less what said random thinks if they see me look and not answer either.

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TabascoToastie · 21/07/2017 14:53

I really struggle with answering the door because I have medically diagnosed C-PTSD and one of my triggers is door knocks (due to someone once smashing my door in and sexually and physically assaulting me). Someone banging on the door can make me have a disassociate episode which can be physically dangerous.

Please stop saying people with MH problems are "weird" and "abnormal." That kind of casual ableism really doesn't help combat MH stigma.

I'm sorry but the "newborn baby dying on Christmas morning because of people not answering their door" story sounds fake as hell, and there's nothing online about it.

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WhatToDoAboutThis2017 · 21/07/2017 14:54

Please stop saying people with MH problems are "weird" and "abnormal." That kind of casual ableism really doesn't help combat MH stigma.

This. There are some vile, ignorant attitudes on this thread.

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Lucisky · 21/07/2017 15:18

I am wary of answering the door after dark, especially if the weather is bad - reasoning that no sane person would be knocking at that time and in those conditions. (I will take a look out of the window though). We live in a quiet area and I always lock the front door too if I am alone and have to go upstairs for any length of time. When I was a kid my mum came downstairs and found a burglar rifling through her handbag in the kitchen; the fear lives on!

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CoughLaughFart · 21/07/2017 15:35

I'm small, female, wearing something that says 'animal rescue team' and look totally non-threatening. I don't understand it.

Whereas I suppose anyone dodgy is big, male and wears a striped jersey and carries a bag marker 'Swag'?

If this happens often enough for it to be a problem, surely someone within your organisation should have found the initiative to get some little cards printed saying 'Sorry we missed you, please call...' What do you do when people are actually out?

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RadioGaGoo · 21/07/2017 15:51

Lol. My DH popped over to new neighbour to let her know car lights were on and had been on for a while. She looked out the window at him and then closed the blinds on him. We won't bother being neighbourly to her anymore Grin

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