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AIBU?

To not answer the door if I don't want to?

266 replies

Meowstro · 21/07/2017 10:43

Just that really. I don't answer the door (on a busy road) unless I'm expecting a parcel or someone to pop in which would have been arranged or they can call once there. I don't even pretend I'm not in, I just don't care. AIBU?

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GypsyQueen · 21/07/2017 12:45

When I was a child my mum would make me hide under the table with her if there was a knock at the door. This has made me hate unexpected callers but I am worse with the telephone ,I hate its loud ring so I never have the sound on it. I just check it every few hours to see if anyone has rang me. I am not nervy in other ways just these things ive seen at a very young age have affected me. My mum had learnt it from her mother,they were both very nervous and scared of authority. Its the sudden unexpectedness of a loud knock that I don't like, if it wasn't for my dad I would be scared of thunderstorms too but he used to take me to the door when there was a storm and show me the lightning,my mum would be huddled in a chair hiding her eyes from the flash.

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RortyCrankle · 21/07/2017 12:45

I've read other threads where people don't open their door unless they are expecting someone. I think its abnormal and strange behaviour and simply do not understand why one would not open the door. Never heard of anyone in RL doing this but then all the people I know are normal.

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ScarletForYa · 21/07/2017 12:47

Yanbu

I don't answer unless I'm expecting someone.

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ScarletForYa · 21/07/2017 12:49

It's not strange/abnormal at all, I just don't want to waste my time with people interrupting my peace with irrelevant stuff.

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PotatoesAreDelicious · 21/07/2017 12:49

I have a signed that says fuck off no cold callers, no religious people and no charities.

So that being covered I do open my door. Only 1 person has been in the don't knock category and I answered it and just point to the sign and closed the door.

I put the sign up because I have anxiety about opening the door.

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Astella22 · 21/07/2017 12:50

Our area is always hounded by door to door sales so I never answer the door unless I'm expecting someone. Live in an area where I don't know any neighbors and family live too far away to just pop round.

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Notknownatthisaddress · 21/07/2017 12:51

YANBU. I cannot stand cold callers, and uninvited 'guests.' People say 'only on mumsnet do people not want to answer the door.' But that is not necessarily true. I bet many people in real life (colleagues, neighbours, friends,) can't be arsed to answer the door. They just don't admit it.

I also have no idea why (some) people find it so hard to accept that people are introverted and can't be doing with people just 'popping round,' and turning up uninvited. Some people are so offended by it lol. Like, why does it offend them so much? I can only assume that these people are the 'poppers in;' the ones who just turn up at peoples homes and expect them to drop everything to accommodate them and entertain them, for as long as they see fit.

I hide behind the couch from these type of people.

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Lweji · 21/07/2017 12:51

But you should be mindful of the fact that what you find easy could be exceptionally hard for other people, for various reasons.

And it doesn't hurt to show ways in which it could be made easy.

If you have anxiety, you can work on it to limit its effects. You can practice opening a door, and have an action plan if it's a nuisance call.

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thecatneuterer · 21/07/2017 12:54

I just don't want to waste my time with people interrupting my peace with irrelevant stuff

But how do you know it's irrelevant unless you answer? As I explained upthread I need to knock on strangers doors all the time. What I have to say is usually very relevant to people, but they can't know that if they don't bloody answer.

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myusernamewastaken · 21/07/2017 13:00

I had a chugger last week...i didnt answer and went and looked out of my sons bedroom window...chugger went next door and spent 10 mins trying to guilt trip my neighbour into signing up for a direct debit.....much easier to just not answer the door !!!

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Meowstro · 21/07/2017 13:00

All my friends and family live at least 10 miles away and always call just before they get there if they're dropping by.

ParanoidBeryl What company did you use to get yours done or did you just buy a kit? I always see those Ring doorbell adverts and think they're a fantastic idea.

In my DM's area there has been the following: someone in fake uniform for courier, someone conducting surveys and children all used to get the occupier to open the door to rob them blind. In one instance, the occupants were left tied up in a closet. That definitely adds to it. thecatneuterer, perhaps this is why? Although if you were that persistent I'd open the door. Does your organisation leave cards to get in contact?

I don't have a spy hole or window that covers the front door and at the moment not even a chain on the door. I used to ask who it was and just shout out I wasn't interested through the door if it didn't sound important but it's been made worse by one set of my neighbours being a major PITA. Lweji, you clearly have not met my neighbours because if you had, 'easy' it is not. They knock to moan about other neighbours, have barged in without invitation and are generally too bloody nosy. Worst thing is, their knock depends on their mood so I can't tell. They accosted me over it and I have told them I now don't answer the door, giving them a few reasons but they continue to knock for absolute crap so I just plain ignore it now. I just feel like it's my right to peace at home.

I also live by a school and children seem to love using the knocker whilst walking past Angry

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DandyJacket · 21/07/2017 13:07

My previous neighbour and her guests were constantly ringing my doorbell at all times of the day and night to get me to go and let them in the main door downstairs. For some reason they always had a key to their internal flat front door, but almost never had the key to the communal front door to the street. I stopped bothering to answer my own doorbell after a while because most of the time it was her, or for her. She was outraged. She even tried to barricade me out one time to show me what is was like not to be able to get in. And that was after I'd called her landlord and got him to come round and give her a new key. Never known someone to struggle so much with getting into their own home.
Anyway, just one of the many valid reasons why a person may not answer their doorbell.

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DeepfriedPizza · 21/07/2017 13:09

YANBU as it's your door.

My DD plays at her friend's house that is 2 doors down. We knock the door when it's time for her to come home and they quite often just don't answer the door. Drives me mad

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d270r0 · 21/07/2017 13:14

My 6 year old chucked his ball over the fence by accident to next door. We went round to nicely ask if we could get it back but they wouldn't answer the door. We don't know them. I know someone was in and they were ignoring us as I could hear the TV on. Didn't feel right to just go and get it without asking so ended up just leaving and my 6 year old has no ball. I felt it was rude.

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Meowstro · 21/07/2017 13:14

DeepfriedPizza That IS unreasonable! They have a child that's not theirs in their house. They should be expecting you to collect your child.

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DeepfriedPizza · 21/07/2017 13:18

I know Meowstro DD now wears a watch with an alarm for dinner time/bedtime and if there are other times we just continuously chap the door until someone answers it. It's a bit like Sheldon in The Big Bang Theory

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MaureenDodd · 21/07/2017 13:22

I get so cross when I am mid "something" (cooking, bathing child, cleaning)and I stop what I'm doing in order to answer the door only to find a cold-call charity collector grinning at me. I hate the pressure of turning them away because a)it's usually a student being paid pennies b)it's normally pissing down and c) I give to charities but I refuse to be pressured or guilt-tripped into it on my doorstep.

So for that reason, I don't want to open the door. I actually get panicky and my anxiety goes into overdrive (although that's an on going issue, not caused by answering my door 😅). I've been known to ignore them, even though they can see we are in.

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Meowstro · 21/07/2017 13:24

d270r0 They don't know you so I can see why they didn't answer. However, surely this is the same concept as the parcel thread (and I don't get why the OP of that thread didn't get it but oh well)? If you have something that is not yours then return it to the rightful owner or try to find out who that is to do so.

DeepfriedPizza Are you sure they can always hear you? Otherwise it's bonkers.

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Arealhumanbeing · 21/07/2017 13:27

Do people actually have to make an appointment with you in order to speak to you?

They do at my house. I never answer the door unless I have a good idea who it is.

YANBU, OP.

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WhatToDoAboutThis2017 · 21/07/2017 13:35

If you have anxiety, you can work on it to limit its effects. You can practice opening a door, and have an action plan if it's a nuisance call.

I have had intensive CBT to turn my life around to the point where it is now. Not answering the door is not an issue for me considering where I used to be so I have no wish to tackle it.

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RedSkyAtNight · 21/07/2017 13:39

You evidently don't have DC aged about 8+.
Their social lives would be massively curtailed if I didn't open the door to all the random children that call round (granted, the DC are usually sent to do the door opening).

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Witsender · 21/07/2017 13:39

I don't have stranger anxiety, I just don't like having to chat to people. Hence not opening the door and having to politely extract myself from a conversation I don't want. And even if I did, it is still perfectly reasonable not to answer my own front door if I don't want to.

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yellowgymball · 21/07/2017 13:43

YANBU

My family and friends tend to ask if they can drop by. Even just half an hours notice is fine by me. I don't mind late notice visits but sometimes if I'm having a lazy day I don't want someone just appearing. If I'm not yet out of pjs, not washed etc it feels a bit intrusive if it's someone I'm not hugely close to.

If someone knocks on and I'm not expecting anyone I will peep through the blinds and decide before opening the door.
Friends and family I will let in but probably be fuming inside Grin

Energy suppliers can make an appointment if they want to check anything, I don't want to buy stuff on the doorstep, not interested in religious visits and I already donate to charities i support, so will ignore anyone who appears to be doing anything like that. I can't be arsed standing on the doorstep trying to persuade them I'm not interested.

There have been some incidents recently of people bursting into homes or tricking people into thinking they need help so I am perhaps more cautious than normal.

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Mrsglitterfairy · 21/07/2017 13:46

I don't answer the door if I'm home alone and don't know who it is. Mainly because there's been a few incidents in my area where people have forced their way into homes and robbed them but also because last time I did this I ended up being roped into signing up for a monthly charity subscription and another time I spent about a tenner on raffle tickets for god knows what

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ScarletForYa · 21/07/2017 13:46

thecatneuterer

I know it's not relevant because there's nothing a stranger or random caller can tell me that I'm interested in.

No one's going to knock at the door for any reason of interest to me.

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