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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think this woman had no right to tell my son off

663 replies

WobbleYourHead · 20/07/2017 22:23

So we were in the car park of a supermarket often the subject of a MN thread when DS (9) had taken the trolley back to redeem the £1.
Being a bit of a monkey he was trying to put the trolley back "handle to handle" as opposed to slotting it in. I called across to him to put it in right which he did. In the meantime I jumped in the car and drove the short distance for him to get in the car.
As I approached a woman was telling him off saying something along the lines of he shouldn't have spoken to her like that....
I asked what he'd said and she said "He was being cheeky" so I questioned again what exactly he'd said & she just repeated that he was cheeky. So I told her she had no right to tell him off, she said she wasn't and the exchange went on for several minutes with her still refusing to tell me what he'd actually said!!
I asked DS again and basically she'd told him it wasn't nice for him to put the trolley back wrong so in return he'd basically repeated back "well that isn't nice" (her telling him) at which point she had a go at him!
AIBU to think that if she had an issue that the least she could have done was spoken to me but in the grand scheme of things there was absolutely no need for her to say anything to him at all?!

OP posts:
MrsTerryPratchett · 20/07/2017 23:01

What does he say happened?

CorbynsBumFlannel · 20/07/2017 23:02

Well then you only have your child's word for what was said since you didn't hear it (despite never being out of earshot) and he's admitted himself he was mimicking her.
I really think you ought to be concentrating on your sons bad behaviour rather than whether or not someone else should have mentioned it. It seems like your completely missing what is the main issue.
And how exactly does your child's school rank pupils according to behaviour? Never heard if that one before!

ineedamoreadultieradult · 20/07/2017 23:02

DS was being annoying not a monkey and he was rude to her. She is allowed to talk to him about his behaviour. If he can't be trusted to behave appropriately you should more closely supervise him.

CollectingCoins · 20/07/2017 23:02

I didn't read it as mimicking. She told him it wasn't nice what he did with the trolleys and he said it wasn't very nice of her to tell him off. In my opinion he was right. It wasn't nice for her to tell him off for something he had already stopped doing because his parent told him to. I don't encourage an unquestioning attitude of respect and deference to adults in my kids. I grew up in Ireland in the 80s and 90s and I saw the consequences of that sort of society.

Allthewaves · 20/07/2017 23:02

He was cheeky back mimicking sarcastically to an adult

Original poster
WobbleYourHead · 20/07/2017 23:03

@CollectingCoins Thanks!

If he'd been running up and down the aisles in a store he'd have been told off and of I'd not seen him I'd fully accept a staff member to say something given they have a duty of care to other customers and to the merchandise.
However I'd already addressed his behaviour and he'd responded.
I drove at less than 5mph to the trolley bay because it's on the way out.

OP posts:
FluffyPineapple · 20/07/2017 23:04

Instead of defending your little snowflake for his misdemeanors you would do better by teaching him right from wrong OP. Most parents manage to teach their offspring manners and basic social skills by the time they are 9.

PicardsCombOver · 20/07/2017 23:04

Typo. 'He won't mess about'

Holz657 · 20/07/2017 23:04

Surely if he was in earshot the whole time you would know what he said??

MammaTJ · 20/07/2017 23:04

You were not close enough to hear the first exchange, you were not close enough to know what was going on or for her to approach to ask you to parent your child, so she took default and did it for you. You should thank her.

SaveMeBarry · 20/07/2017 23:05

I don't get it, your DS said she told him it wasn't very nice to put the trolley back the wrong way, hardly a bollocking! How has that turned into "the way she was speaking to him"? Plus if she wasn't there when he was messing about and the trolley was placed correctly by the time she was then how could she have known what he'd been doing?

Seriously I think you're blowing this out of all proportion and are just refusing to change your view that no one has the right to pull him up on poor behaviour.

Aridane · 20/07/2017 23:05

So- she called him out for being a brat - good for her

SaveMeBarry · 20/07/2017 23:06

Ok so in your running up and down the aisles example you'd be ok with a staff member speaking to him. What about another customer though? Would that be ok or would they also have no right?

arethereanyleftatall · 20/07/2017 23:07

Op, try to put yourselves in the shoes of this woman.
Hypothetical conversation;
Ds 'you're an old bat.'
Ow ' dont be cheeky'
You drive up and demand ow tells you what he said. It would be fairly humiliating for the ow to admit what he said.
You should have said something like 'I'm so sorry, ds what did you say?'
Thus make him repeat it rather than her.

Taylor22 · 20/07/2017 23:08

Ah so you're 'raising' (dragging!) up one of those special snowflakes?

Get a grip and read the thread.
Your son was dicking about and got told so.
Other people will step in where you fail.

You're both going to have a hell of a shock when he steps into the real world and society doesn't take his BS.

CorbynsBumFlannel · 20/07/2017 23:08

Well if you don't want your child to be subject to people's perfectly reasonable reactions to his behaviour you need to kmake sure you're at his side until he can behave in a way that will get a more positive reaction.
The woman didn't scream at him, swear or anything else. She spoke to him about his behaviour. Some people would do that, some people wouldn't bother. She wasn't unreasonable to comment on what he saw. If your ds doesn't like people commenting on him dicking around with trollies he always has the option of not dicking around with trollies.

roundaboutthetown · 20/07/2017 23:08

Your ds was badly behaved and rude. It is not being a cheeky monkey to try to attach two trollies together in a way that creates an obstacle and prevents others from putting their trollies back, it's idiotic and anti-social. And his response to the lady was bloody rude. I think you should have made more effort to tell your ds off for his bad behaviour and put less effort into cross examining a woman because she spoke to your rude and obnoxious ds.

CollectingCoins · 20/07/2017 23:09

JG1

I stand to be corrected here but my reading is that OP told her son to stop messing and fix trolley. He did and she got in the car. Women was not there then but was when Op hotbed around. So trolley was in correct position when woman reached DS. She had seen him messing and took it on herself to correct him. There was no need it was already fixed.

DerelictWreck · 20/07/2017 23:10

OP why post in AIBU if you're not willing to be told you are!

LurpakIstheOnlyButter · 20/07/2017 23:11

OP, you're a brat Grin

No wonder your kids can't behave. Lead by example.

myrtleWilson · 20/07/2017 23:12

hold on - your son's school rank children on effort and behaviour??

roundaboutthetown · 20/07/2017 23:12

If she was far enough from her ds she needed to drive round to pick him up, it is making a massive assumption that the woman wasn't there until the trolley was fixed.

Aeroflotgirl · 20/07/2017 23:14

Yabvvvu he was messing about, you weren't there, so she quite rightly corrected your little Prince.

CollectingCoins · 20/07/2017 23:15

Well maybe OP can clarify that. I took it that she was close enough as she could shout over to him. I assumed she just passed the trolley bay on her way out of car park so he waited for her there rather than walk back across.

JiggyTuff · 20/07/2017 23:16

CollectingCoins - what exactly was wrong with the woman saying 'glad to see you've put that trolley back the right way - that wasn't very kind of you'.

Or are you saying she deserved a mouthful of abuse from the OP and her 'monkey'?