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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think this woman had no right to tell my son off

663 replies

WobbleYourHead · 20/07/2017 22:23

So we were in the car park of a supermarket often the subject of a MN thread when DS (9) had taken the trolley back to redeem the £1.
Being a bit of a monkey he was trying to put the trolley back "handle to handle" as opposed to slotting it in. I called across to him to put it in right which he did. In the meantime I jumped in the car and drove the short distance for him to get in the car.
As I approached a woman was telling him off saying something along the lines of he shouldn't have spoken to her like that....
I asked what he'd said and she said "He was being cheeky" so I questioned again what exactly he'd said & she just repeated that he was cheeky. So I told her she had no right to tell him off, she said she wasn't and the exchange went on for several minutes with her still refusing to tell me what he'd actually said!!
I asked DS again and basically she'd told him it wasn't nice for him to put the trolley back wrong so in return he'd basically repeated back "well that isn't nice" (her telling him) at which point she had a go at him!
AIBU to think that if she had an issue that the least she could have done was spoken to me but in the grand scheme of things there was absolutely no need for her to say anything to him at all?!

OP posts:
MoonfaceAndSilky · 20/07/2017 23:16

So trolley was in correct position when woman reached DS

Somehow I highly doubt that Hmm

Floggingmolly · 20/07/2017 23:16

He wasn't being a little monkey, op. He was being a cheeky little bugger. Everyone but you can tell the difference.
Shame.

TeaCake5 · 20/07/2017 23:17

Also you are letting your DS be a right lazy sod not even making him walk back to the car. We will be seeing you in teenagers section in a few years I think when he is out of control.

Ellisandra · 20/07/2017 23:18

Follow up posts smell like back pedalling bullshit Hmm
All this "I was only away a minute". Clearly untrue or you would have heard it all and in any case - there simply wasn't time for all that to have taken place in one minute Confused

If the woman wasn't even there when you were telling your ickle monkey to stop messing about with the trolleys, then I bet her comment to him was because he was indulging in some additional anti social behaviour.

PodgeBod · 20/07/2017 23:18

I told him that it wasn't good to be cheeky to people but surely respect is earned and not due?!

This is a really awful thing to teach a child. You can't be rude to strangers because they haven't personally earned your respect.
Fwiw I don't think what your son was doing with trolleys was particularly bad, unless it was stopping others from getting a trolley (and you say it wasn't). But the way he spoke back to an adult is really shocking to me at his age. I think you should get a handle on that before he gets any older- and decides you haven't earned his respect either!

Tapandgo · 20/07/2017 23:20

OP
Seems the overwhelming majority of people on this thread are telling you that your son needs a reminder of manners, respect and behaviour in a public place. If you don't recognise where fault lies after all this, expect the behaviour and response to be repeated.
If you don't think other adults are allowed to tell your child off, you'd better live in splendid isolation and educate 1:1.
I guarantee teachers, bus drivers, shop assistants, police, neighbours and other responsible adults he comes across will tell him off if he is being a nuisance. (And some will not bother to be too polite in doing so).
Most parents would be mortified if their child backchatted or mimicked another adult in a situation like this.

Frazzledmum123 · 20/07/2017 23:21

Oh ffs, seriously, messing about with trollies is being naughty is it? When at the time of him doing it there wasn't anyone around? He wasn't in the way and he wasn't harming anyone, he was, shock horror, being a child and messing about! Now answering her back like that I agree was rude and I'd have had serious words with my child over that but I actually think the woman was rude too, fine tell off a child if they are doing something seriously wrong but sticking your nose in when the parent has dealt with it and over something so trivial would have pissed me off too. I get the whole village thing but some people are just busy bodies
And yes, I agree, respect should be earned. I hate the whole respect your elders thing because some adults are arseholes. You teach your children to be polite and well behaved regardless (which is where I think your son was wrong OP) but respect people who are rude to you, no!

coddiwomple · 20/07/2017 23:21

good grief, I won't ever bother translating "being a bit of a monkey" but I can picture the child.

Awwlookatmybabyspider · 20/07/2017 23:21

I bet his teachers love you. How very dare anyone tell your little poppet off.
No he wasn't being a "little monkey". He's not a 2 year old baby. He was misbehaving. Perhaps if someone else does tell him. He might learn.

Original poster
WobbleYourHead · 20/07/2017 23:22

@CollectingCoins you've hit the nail on the head in all respects.

I was close enough to call over and correct his behaviour, I drove over to him as it's on the way out and I know the woman wasn't there any more than a minute ahead of me as I waited to let her cross. I heard her side of the exchange because she was speaking in a raised/angry tone and not his.
I asked him what happened and he said that she'd told him wasn't nice, he told her it wasn't nice to tell him off and then she started telling him off about the way he spoke to her. I could hear all of the latter part as I'd pulled up right alongside where they were stood.
As I've said there are several rows of trollies and he wasn't preventing anyone from taking one from the other 3 or 4 rows or from putting them back as another gentleman was doing so at the time.

OP posts:
Frazzledmum123 · 20/07/2017 23:23

And I don't think the OP was saying you don't show respect UNTIL they have earned it, she was saying you don't have to respect someone who doesn't deserve it by being rude themselves

Linds53 · 20/07/2017 23:26

It doesn't make sense that the lady would have commented on his behaviour unless she could see that he was messing around. And for him to then mimic her is atrocious behaviour in a nine year old. Y
But your son has been encouraged to believe that mimicking adults is acceptable and that he will be backed up even when he is clearly in the wrong. I think you might live to regret this parenting strategy Op.

MoonfaceAndSilky · 20/07/2017 23:26

Op does your ds often tell people "It's not very nice to tell me off"?

CorbynsBumFlannel · 20/07/2017 23:26

It wasn't rude of the woman to tell him off though. Perhaps not entirely necessary but people don't interact in a predictable way at all times. Doesn't mean kids have a free pass to be cheeky.

CollectingCoins · 20/07/2017 23:27

CollectingCoins - what exactly was wrong with the woman saying 'glad to see you've put that trolley back the right way - that wasn't very kind of you'.

Or are you saying she deserved a mouthful of abuse from the OP and her 'monkey'?

That's not what she said. And there is something wrong with it because it was none of her business. The parent had already taken care of it. I don't mind other people correcting my children if I don't see/am not there but I do very much mind them piling in when I have already taken care of it. But if what she said is ok then how is DS using nearly the same words a mouthful of abuse? Is it because he is 9 and should just shut up even If he believes it is unfair he is getting reprimanded again for something he is no longer doing?

Kailoer · 20/07/2017 23:29

You Abu

Your 'monkey' sounds immature and mucking around in a public place with cars close by at the trolley bay isn't on. Neither is the cheek.

I cannot believe the OP is seriously posting about this as if she's/her kid has shown acceptable behavior in public Hmm

You are teaching your son some very worrying behaviours/norms, OP

SaveMeBarry · 20/07/2017 23:29

Erm... yes frazzled messing about with the trollies, in the way the OP described, is naughty. I'm pretty sure even she agrees it was. He was doing something that would create inconvenience to other shoppers i.e. locking a trolley the wrong way into another which generally means that whole line can't be used. What are you not getting?

Ok it's hardly the end of the world but it's a mean thing to do and a person told him it wasn't nice. As that person is perfectly entitled to do.

CorbynsBumFlannel · 20/07/2017 23:30

Because when you are 9 telling off an adult is rude. Does that really need explaining? If a teacher tells a 9 year old they have a detention and the 9 yr old says no you've got a detention can you really not see how that is cheeky?

JiggyTuff · 20/07/2017 23:33

Christ - society really is dead.

That's all I have to say really. I can't believe a) the OP started this pathetic thread; b) has ignored the 90% of posts telling her that she's wrong; and c) someone else thinks that no other person has the temerity to speak to a child about anti-social behaviour.

FFS

Kailoer · 20/07/2017 23:34

I'm imagining what this 9 year old is going to be like in public situations as , say, a fifteen year old.. uncontrollable/with no idea how to behave basically.

RainyDayBear · 20/07/2017 23:34

YABVU. Your son was prattling around, to the extent that you were coming over to tell him off yourself! The lady didn't swear at him or speak to him rudely, and he parroted back at her despite being old enough to know better - that is bloody rude. I'd have bloody got annoyed too, no idea why you think she is in the wrong for telling him off!! I'd be mortified in your shoes and aiming to nip that behaviour in the bud.

JiggyTuff · 20/07/2017 23:35

has = should have

Guavaf1sh · 20/07/2017 23:35

YABU. Everyone is telling you YABU. This is AIBU where you asked the question - why will you not accept the answer?

roundaboutthetown · 20/07/2017 23:36

What does "she'd told him wasn't nice," mean? It hardly sounds like the telling off of the century. Answering back was rude.

Original poster
WobbleYourHead · 20/07/2017 23:36

The trolley bay is not near the cars at this supermarket just in case anyone else wants to point that out?!

My calling him a monkey was in reference to him trying to click the trolley back in the wrong way round not in respect of what he said to the woman.

When I heard her reprimand him I asked what he had said in order to speak to him about it. She point blank refused probably because he hadn't said anything out of order
It's a massive leap from some random stranger picking him up on behaviour that had passed to Teachers/other school staff, police officers etc reprimanding him. Plus I could almost guarantee that if I asked those people why he'd been reprimanded (which surely is a reasonable request) they'd tell me and I'd be fully equipped to decide whether further action needed to be taken at home or whether I was satisfied that it'd been suitably dealt with at the time.

OP posts: