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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think this woman had no right to tell my son off

663 replies

WobbleYourHead · 20/07/2017 22:23

So we were in the car park of a supermarket often the subject of a MN thread when DS (9) had taken the trolley back to redeem the £1.
Being a bit of a monkey he was trying to put the trolley back "handle to handle" as opposed to slotting it in. I called across to him to put it in right which he did. In the meantime I jumped in the car and drove the short distance for him to get in the car.
As I approached a woman was telling him off saying something along the lines of he shouldn't have spoken to her like that....
I asked what he'd said and she said "He was being cheeky" so I questioned again what exactly he'd said & she just repeated that he was cheeky. So I told her she had no right to tell him off, she said she wasn't and the exchange went on for several minutes with her still refusing to tell me what he'd actually said!!
I asked DS again and basically she'd told him it wasn't nice for him to put the trolley back wrong so in return he'd basically repeated back "well that isn't nice" (her telling him) at which point she had a go at him!
AIBU to think that if she had an issue that the least she could have done was spoken to me but in the grand scheme of things there was absolutely no need for her to say anything to him at all?!

OP posts:
ladymariner · 20/07/2017 22:47

Yep, you're definitely one of those parents. Tell me, would you describe your little monkey as 'spirited', by any chance???

WanderingTrolley1 · 20/07/2017 22:48

Yabu.

Your 9yr old child obviously needs constant supervision if he can't behave.

RainbowPastel · 20/07/2017 22:48

You are contradicting yourself. Saying he wasn't out of earshot and then saying you don't know what he said. He was obviously cheeky and rightly told off for it. She wouldn't have known you were in the car.

londonrach · 20/07/2017 22:48

Well done that lady. Sounds like your son was misbehaving. Just out of interest ive wondered if you can do it handle to handle...not that this naughty 40 year old would do it.

GinIsIn · 20/07/2017 22:48

So were you watching your son, or where you were driving, then OP? Hmm

Booboobooboo84 · 20/07/2017 22:49

Your child is a rude little shit and so are you. Yab massively u.

If he wasn't out of earshot at any point you would have heard it.

Either teach your child some manners or supervise them fully.

Mollyboom · 20/07/2017 22:49

OP, for what it's worth I don't think he was being a little shit. I would reserve that phrase for worse behaviour than messing about with some trollies ( but it seems I sometimes live in a parallel universe to other MN posters) He's 9, I was sometimes cheeky at 9 and do you know what -news alert some adults are fuckwits - and again I've never bought into the whole don't back chat an adult just because they are an adult. That said if I did play up and was out of order I didn't expect to run to my mum for cover. It was some trollies and a few words with some random in a supermarket, a little perspective please.

Toffeelatteplease · 20/07/2017 22:49

If he'd said anything so unacceptable then why didn't she just tell me what he had said

Probably shock at how rude you were

Wolfiefan · 20/07/2017 22:49

He was messing around with them. Even if he then sorted it out by the time you drove over to him.
Yep. He was being a cheeky little sod. But if you were close enough to be in earshot then you know this as you must have heard exactly what transpired. Hmm

crazycatgal · 20/07/2017 22:50

He was rude and received a telling off. Don't expect other people to put up with bad behavior from your son.

Viviennemary · 20/07/2017 22:50

Your son was misbehaving. and you are sending him completely the wrong messagel Most responsible parents would be mortified if a member of the public had to correct their children's bad behaviour and cheek.

CollectingCoins · 20/07/2017 22:51

Well I may ruin the unanimous YABU somewhat. I think she was out of order to correct your DS after you had done so and he had fixed the trolley. There was no need for her to stick her oar in. It seems he answered back which obviously people think is rude in itself. I think it's ok for a child to stick up for themselves if they think an adult is being unfair. Obviously your son thought it was none of the other ladies business, and let her know. Maybe not ideal but I certainly wouldn't be that bothered if my child did it. It wasn't any of her business. The OP had corrected DS and trolley was correctly placed.

UnicornSparkles1 · 20/07/2017 22:53

OP: AIBU?

Everyone: Yes.

OP: I'm really not.

kali110 · 20/07/2017 22:54

Yes yabu.
Why can't she tell a child off who was cheeky to her?
Messing around with trolleys IS a naughty thing.
People always moan when there aren't enough...

faithinthesound · 20/07/2017 22:55

I work in retail and I have no problem whatsoever calling out children who are cutting out of line in my store. There is no running and no horseplay in my store - there are too many stands of clothing around that can a) be tipped over and b) be tripped over, not to mention the other customers who can be c) knocked over.

I have had parents like you tell me that I have "no right to tell their children what to do" and "stop telling my children off".

My response is invariably "I'll stop when you start."

I am SO SICK of Precious Parenting where the child is visibly causing a problem, but pointing it out will somehow destroy their psyche. Parents like you are raising a next generation of monsters who will do whatever they like and refuse consequences for their behavior because "Mommy will fix it".

Grow up, and learn to parent.

CorbynsBumFlannel · 20/07/2017 22:55

Mimicking someone isn't sticking up for yourself - it's being spectacularly bad mannered!

Original poster
WobbleYourHead · 20/07/2017 22:55

He had already put the trolley right the first time of my asking as I've already said more than once
The trolley was back in its rightful place before she even got to the trolley park, which incidentally is right by the shop doors and not in the middle of the carpark.
I stopped to let woman cross the crossing (that is from the last row of parking before the store to just in front of the trolleys).
It took me less than a minute to get there and she was already mid telling him off so I asked her what the issue was.
The way she was speaking to him I expected her to tell me he said something dreadful as it was she refused to tell me what he'd said at all.
I told him that it wasn't good to be cheeky to people but surely respect is earned and not due?!
As for his behaviour in school well he's highly academic and in the top 5 for effort & behaviour.

OP posts:
PicardsCombOver · 20/07/2017 22:57

Op have you asked your son for a complete and accurate account of what took place between the time when you told him to put the trolley back and the altercation with the woman? Maybe he answered the way he did because he was scared of being told off by a stranger, hopefully if nothing else he won't need about like that in future. It's kind of a good thing that the woman was backing you up, he shouldn't have been playing with the trolleys. Don't lose any sleep op.

Jg1 · 20/07/2017 22:59

CollectingCoins

The poor woman didn't know OP had told her son not to be an idiot and stop messing about (my words if it had been my son, not OP's).
I'd have done the same if I'd seen the little ..... (read whatever option you want) doing this.
Entitled little shit + entitled big shit (mum) = a lot of shit!

MoonfaceAndSilky · 20/07/2017 22:59

You say 'little monkey', we're all thinking 'little shit'

Spot on

Wolfiefan · 20/07/2017 22:59

Respect is earned?
So he can be a cheeky little sod until a person earns his respect?
I prefer my children to be polite.
He shouldn't have been arsing around. He shouldn't have been rude.

ivykaty44 · 20/07/2017 22:59

Just please be pleasant to people and teach your child to be pleasant to people - it's much nicer that way as people won't then be or need to be unpleasant to you

TeaCake5 · 20/07/2017 23:00

OP you sound entitled and you need to control your ds. Why are you letting him fuck about in supermarket carparks anyway? Your tone tell me you would be the first to moan if he was hurt.

AreWeThereYet000 · 20/07/2017 23:00

OP you said on page 2 of comments he did it on the second time of you asking. Now you're saying after the first time. Stop back peddling. He was in the wrong get a grip and move on

ImLizawithaZ · 20/07/2017 23:00

Yabu. Re respect is earned and not due, yabvu!

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