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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To think this woman had no right to tell my son off

663 replies

WobbleYourHead · 20/07/2017 22:23

So we were in the car park of a supermarket often the subject of a MN thread when DS (9) had taken the trolley back to redeem the £1.
Being a bit of a monkey he was trying to put the trolley back "handle to handle" as opposed to slotting it in. I called across to him to put it in right which he did. In the meantime I jumped in the car and drove the short distance for him to get in the car.
As I approached a woman was telling him off saying something along the lines of he shouldn't have spoken to her like that....
I asked what he'd said and she said "He was being cheeky" so I questioned again what exactly he'd said & she just repeated that he was cheeky. So I told her she had no right to tell him off, she said she wasn't and the exchange went on for several minutes with her still refusing to tell me what he'd actually said!!
I asked DS again and basically she'd told him it wasn't nice for him to put the trolley back wrong so in return he'd basically repeated back "well that isn't nice" (her telling him) at which point she had a go at him!
AIBU to think that if she had an issue that the least she could have done was spoken to me but in the grand scheme of things there was absolutely no need for her to say anything to him at all?!

OP posts:
CaseyCasey · 22/07/2017 20:12

Wow, the vipers are out in force on this one!
It's hardly crime of the bloody century. I'm sick of people thinking kids should just be obedient little robots.
The OP had dealt with her child there was absolutely no need for some interfering old busy body to chirp up too.

FanjoForTheMammaries · 22/07/2017 20:23

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Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Turquoise123 · 22/07/2017 20:28

I sort of think that life would be easier and better for everyone if people did call out poor behaviour as and when they saw it... be it poor trolly returning / litter/ feet on train seats / pushing in queues / not vlesting snow .....

CheesecakeAddict · 22/07/2017 20:37

OP, I think what is difficult here is that whether you say you have or not, your story has changed quite a bit, making it quite difficult to follow. You say you could hear and see everything, but you didn't know what really went on, which shows that you didn't.

FWIW I think it's unfair parents calling your son a little shit. He was pratting around with a trolley, which kids do. They make mistakes, they are kids. And those saying "well my DC would never prat around with a trolley at 9" - no, maybe not, but I bet they prat around with something else and make other types of mistakes.

I pick up on what you are saying that she told your son off before he was rude. Again, we don't know the full reason. Was she just being an old bag sticking her ore in? Did he do something in those few minutes you were getting the car and deserve a telling off? Did she not realise that you'd told him to stop or not hear you and thought she was genuinely being helpful because thought he'd been left to his own devices? It's hard to tell, and in reality, the only person who does know is your son.

However, you did miss a good learning opportunity there. Your son was rude to the woman, which even he admits to doing it. Nobody deserves that. I'm not saying that makes your son a bad person, but that was bad behaviour and you were wrong to dismiss it. What does concern me is that he is open about mocking the woman to you, which means he obviously is not scared of the repercussions - because it is evident as he has tried and tested the water and this is something you obviously let slide. This is something I see when observing weak teachers - they let the cheekiness slide because they think they'll grow out of it, or stop on their own and whenever you tell them they need to clamp down on it because it will get worse, they shrug it off. And I'm telling you now OP, if you continue to let the cheekiness slide, it is going to get worse.

MoonfaceAndSilky · 22/07/2017 20:48

I just wish the other woman would read about this on The Sun or Mirror website, join mn and give us her side of the story Grin

theSnuffster · 22/07/2017 21:02

I'm not sure why the woman needed to get involved. He put a trolley the wrong way round, Mum told him to do it properly, he did so. Why did she feel the need to speak to him at all?

PuckeredAhole · 22/07/2017 21:10

How can a stranger "earn" respect OP?? Perhaps you should teach your child the value of respecting everyone on face value no matter their age/ethnicity etc then we'd all have fewer altercations like these.

Dianag111 · 22/07/2017 21:12

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Dianag111 · 22/07/2017 21:13

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skodadoda · 22/07/2017 21:32

What LittleCandle says x 10

AnneElliott · 22/07/2017 21:38

I think yabu. DS would be in major trouble if another adult had to tell him off.

I regularly tell other kids off - usually they are so astonished that anyone's pulled them up that they stop what they're doing.

But I've worked in retail and am a beaver leader so I get used to telling kids off.

I remember one little charmer that got the fire extinguisher (in M&S) and spouted water under the ladies changing room doors. Ruining clothes and shoes in the process. He got a roasting from me and the store manager. Mother did try to excuse him with "he's only mucking about".

Krazykhickee · 22/07/2017 21:48

Your attitude OP is exactly why we have several generations of rude, disrespectful young adults, teenagers & children. You think no one has a right to tell your child off, explain what he's doing is wrong. My child is bullied on a daily basis at school & you know what - the child who is doing it has parents the same as yourself - no one talks to my child, let alone tell\explain what they're doing is wrong. I'm fighting a losing battle at the school as they're so scared to use the bully word yet do exactly what her parents tell her to do....why?? Because we live in a school world that is so naby pady and left wing anyone who dares speaks up gets shot down and classed as a trouble maker. Everyone needs to remember manners cost nothing but mean everything. Teach your child to respect and take the blame for mistakes they make & how to be polite. Not much to ask for but wow, what a difference it would make.

becausebecausebecause · 22/07/2017 21:53

Krazykhickee we are going the exact same thing with ds at school and the bully word has not been used once. They prefer to call it bullying behaviour so as not to taint the bully with a label Hmm I said to the head teacher, that his suggestion of calling in the parents was pointless as the sort of parents who raise bullies are hardly likely to respond well to being called on it.

KennethCat · 22/07/2017 22:03

What nine year old doesn't mess around with shopping trolleys when they can?
Wtaf?

FanjoForTheMammaries · 22/07/2017 22:04

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Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Queenofthedrivensnow · 22/07/2017 22:49

Difficult to judge without knowing the exact facts but....

I fully expect my children to accept discipline from other adults - within reason

And....

I think nothing of ticking off other children whether mine are with me or not. However it's usually about either loud swearing or children who have put themselves in danger - running in the road that kind of thing.

buttercup54321 · 22/07/2017 23:08

Sounds like you need to teach your son some manners and stop being so precious yourself.

falange · 22/07/2017 23:40

YABVVU. Your son behaved in the way he did because of you. He sounds like a cheeky little shit who deserved to be told off by the woman. You should have told him off again after she had.

m0therofdragons · 22/07/2017 23:52

If someone told me my 9yo was being cheeky I'd expect dd to apologise instantly, get her in the car, apologies myself and then have a conversation with dd as to what happened and even if I didn't feel what she'd done was bad I'd explain how different people react differently and it's important to read the situation and be kind.
Yabu

cherish123 · 22/07/2017 23:53

I probably would not have told him off for putting trolley wrong way round but it sounds as though he was cheeky to her. I think she probably was right to mention this to you and you should not have told her off for it.

Atenco · 22/07/2017 23:58

What does being left wing have to do with it?

Indeed. I would have thought that the idea that it takes a village to raise a child has more in common with classic left wing ideas.

Queenofthedrivensnow · 23/07/2017 00:02

Krazy - you missed out the word 'brigade'

monstiebags · 23/07/2017 00:37

No wonder children have no respect - their bad behaviour is backed up by their parents.

strawberrisc · 23/07/2017 04:43

Just to play devil's advocate there are some insufferably rude older people out there who DO like to moan and/or shout over nothing - and not just to children. If you don't believe me try using public transport on a regular basis.

elfinpre · 23/07/2017 04:58

There are definitely grumpy people who shout at kids for nothing out there, and have spoken sharply to my daughters when they have been well-behaved.

However in this case the OP's son was doing something wrong, pretty minor, but something inconsiderate that would have caused a problem for another customer or the member of staff collecting trolleys. Not a reason to be yelled at, but a simple request to put the trolley back correctly would suffice if she hadn't heard or seen the parent deal with him.