To think this woman had no right to tell my son off

[WobbleYourHead]

So we were in the car park of a supermarket often the subject of a MN thread when DS (9) had taken the trolley back to redeem the £1.
Being a bit of a monkey he was trying to put the trolley back "handle to handle" as opposed to slotting it in. I called across to him to put it in right which he did. In the meantime I jumped in the car and drove the short distance for him to get in the car.
As I approached a woman was telling him off saying something along the lines of he shouldn't have spoken to her like that....
I asked what he'd said and she said "He was being cheeky" so I questioned again what exactly he'd said & she just repeated that he was cheeky. So I told her she had no right to tell him off, she said she wasn't and the exchange went on for several minutes with her still refusing to tell me what he'd actually said!!
I asked DS again and basically she'd told him it wasn't nice for him to put the trolley back wrong so in return he'd basically repeated back "well that isn't nice" (her telling him) at which point she had a go at him!
AIBU to think that if she had an issue that the least she could have done was spoken to me but in the grand scheme of things there was absolutely no need for her to say anything to him at all?!

You weren't there to discuss it.... you were in the car having left him on his own to sort out the trolley

I think this is the biggest over reaction I've read on MN, it made me laugh at first at the bonkers responses, but actually it's quite depressing. Bad behaviour needs to be called out (agree with 'it takes a village to raise a child'). But people seriously think this OP and her son are the devil incarnate by some of these replies. Now she's getting accused of having an attitude that's responsible for generations of rude and bad behaviour. And strangely so are those of us who are left wing? This post is not an example of a 'little shit' or a mother who has been likened to a cunt. Shame on those who have done so.

This place has become a hot bed of raging Daily Mail views (a lot of the time from people who haven't even read the post properly and send hostile responses based on their own mistakes) and it's awful to read. So (not that anyone will give two shits seeing as I'm obviously part of the problem) I'm going to work out how to deactivate my account and save my blood pressure by never opening mumsnet again. I can't carry on reading such ignorance and rudeness, so over and out.

I've been thinking about what I would have done.
I think naturally you would want to know what someone had said, especially if their voice was raised.
If she wouldn't tell me (also understandable but annoying, depending on the tone of voice in which you asked) I would have told her I have already corrected him for messing around with the trolley (which it sounds like she may not have known if she hadn't crossed the road yet).
I would have then asked my DC to apologise for answering her back.
In the car I would explain that it perhaps wasn't nice for the lady to say that, but it shows they shouldn't be messing around in the first place.
That way she knows you had dealt with it, and he knows you said something but haven't stopped him being corrected.
I don't understand the need for all the language on here, either way around.

So yanbu for asking the woman, and trying to find out what happened or thinking she could have just left it.

But yabu for telling her she had no right & not getting your son to apologise, and for the 'respect is to be earned' comment. Everyone deserves a basic level, unless they behave in a way that negates it.

Sounds like your son was giving her cheek - he should be respectful but he was being rude giving her back chat. I would have liked it and had words too.

I hope my son would have apologised when she asked him to put back properly and not given cheek, that's how ive brought him up so if he was rude i would have apologised, made him apologise than he would have had a screen ban for the week.

As much as you want your child to be I t he right here, it sounds like he was being cheeky to another adult, which in my opinion warrants a telling off. He clearly wasn't in your earshot if you had to ask what he had said....

Slightly off topic I know.
But have you seen the Highland Spring water commercial ?
Where the guy imagines he's running down a hill then jumps on the roof of a train, it then cuts to him jumping a puddle to land at the front of a bus queue and gets on the bus first.
I know its just an advert, but to me it gives a green flag to bad manners.

I think YABU. If one of my kids was messing around with the trolleys I'd rather someone told them not to, and it sounds like he was disrespectful back.

Is it really better if no-one dares say anything to someone else's child, whatever they are doing? He got feedback that he was annoying someone, that could help him be more considerate.

Because we live in a school world that is so naby pady and left wing anyone who dares speaks up gets shot down and classed as a trouble maker

Don't know where you get that idea.
I am left wing and totally agree with being able to reprimand a child who is being disrespectful, badly behaved and especially being a bully.

Gottagetmoving

It'll be because people with that simplistic 'PC GONE MAD' worldview see every social problem as a creation of left-wing people. It's usually the the same halfwits that use the term 'do-gooder' without irony.
Plus the fact they can't even spell nimby pamby'.

'Namby Pamby'. I think I can see how that happened; spellcheck really doesn't like it.

I think the women telling off ops ds may have made him learn something and that's what life is like. Maybe it was unjustified?

We are all constantly learning from our experiences.