To think this woman had no right to tell my son off

[WobbleYourHead]

So we were in the car park of a supermarket often the subject of a MN thread when DS (9) had taken the trolley back to redeem the £1.
Being a bit of a monkey he was trying to put the trolley back "handle to handle" as opposed to slotting it in. I called across to him to put it in right which he did. In the meantime I jumped in the car and drove the short distance for him to get in the car.
As I approached a woman was telling him off saying something along the lines of he shouldn't have spoken to her like that....
I asked what he'd said and she said "He was being cheeky" so I questioned again what exactly he'd said & she just repeated that he was cheeky. So I told her she had no right to tell him off, she said she wasn't and the exchange went on for several minutes with her still refusing to tell me what he'd actually said!!
I asked DS again and basically she'd told him it wasn't nice for him to put the trolley back wrong so in return he'd basically repeated back "well that isn't nice" (her telling him) at which point she had a go at him!
AIBU to think that if she had an issue that the least she could have done was spoken to me but in the grand scheme of things there was absolutely no need for her to say anything to him at all?!

Is there a word for someone who hates children?

I don't hate children. I dislike dicks. Mostly it's adults who are dicks but sometimes children can be dicks too.

muppditt I agree with Flogging totally uncalled for.

The OP's kid is now tabloid fodder for his "cheekiness" and she still can't accept his behaviour wasn't okay.

Unbelievable!

I my Dd gave someone a load of back chat I would a) expect her to be pulled up on it and b) not be very impressed with her behaviour.
She too is very good at school but that doesn't mean she's automatically always in the right.

I see this thread has been covered by the Mirror today 😁

OP I think I have to agree with others that your son was misbehaving. That being said I think the woman was incredibly rude refusing to tell you what was said and that inclines me to be less comfortable with her speaking to your son. If she thought he was rude and wanted to see the matter resolved I cannot see what the problem would be telling the mother what
was said. The way things played out it seems she just wanted to have a go which I would not be ok with. You had already told him off and behaviour had been corrected no need for another adult to step in.

Also he is 9. The people calling him all names of the day, really. Otherwise very well behaved kids are all inclined to being a bit silly now and again.

Sadly, this post is symptomatic of (some) parental attitudes these days. These are the same entitled parents who go storming up to the school when a child has been disciplined, detained or told off, and have a go at the teacher. Similarly, a child misbehaves, and the parents BELIEVES THE CHILD over a dispassionate observer.

Is there a word for someone who hates children?

Yes, because anyone who tells a child that isn't their own off is a child hater...

Why aren't parents teaching children to be respectful? I am really fed up of children being rude to adults who are strangers and then being pampered by mum when the adult calls out their behaviour. At nine he knew full well what he was doing. Having a child is precious and this sort of parenting is harmful as this boy will not have a clear idea of what is and what is not acceptable behaviour in public. Even the idea that you felt it acceptable to tell this woman off speaks volumes.

Why did you come on here to ask AIBU?

What nine year old doesn't mess around with shopping trolleys when they can?

Seems a bit of an over-reaction all round!

Playing devils advocate here but there are odd adults around too, some don't particularly like children and maybe she was one of these, who knows whether he deserved a ticking off or not but if she thought she was justified I think she would have definitely told the Op what her son had said to justify the telling off. My thoughts are she was fast to react (or overreact) to a minor trolley issue and realised she was out of order telling of ops son, so couldn't say why she told him off.

For a while I used to travel on a train frequented by little monkeys who were high spirited from a very posh grammar school. These children who I'm sure were wonderful at home, would trash the the train most days by smashing the strip lights all over the coach, throwing the squabs from the seats around etc.
Wonder if that started with a little bit of back chat ?

YES!!!!!!
And, you are even more u to even ask the question, good manners and respect for adult lessons would be a good start for your cheeky son

All this fuss over a woman who told a child that his not very nice behaviour was "not very nice." WobbleYourHead, you need to do what your username says. The woman gave your child the most mild and accurate rebuke imaginable. Your child on the other hand was badly behaved, then rude, and you shouted across a car park at him, then drove round to him, got out of your car and lost your temper with a stranger incredibly quickly. To lose your temper as quickly as you yourself admit, you must have been feeling pretty riled already, so I seriously doubt you came across as calm and polite as you like to imagine. Yet you fail to see that you may well have come across as an aggressive, badly behaved woman who shouts and has unruly children.

Apparently not, Fanjo, or not in a way the OP understands.

Including you, it would seem.

On quite a few threads over the years when I have looked back over what I have said on threads, I have apologised if I feel I have been unnecessarily harsh or in the wrong. I do not believe that to be the case here. Others may have been bitchy. I have not.

But your post to me was bitchy and overbearing from my perspective, Fanjo.

Lady definitely in the right to comment on DS' s behaviour. Messing about with trolleys could lead to mishaps involving others so pointing it out to him ( as you had done when shouting to him) was fair. His checking back was incidence and you are too indulgent!

There were no claws, Fanjo