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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think this woman had no right to tell my son off

663 replies

WobbleYourHead · 20/07/2017 22:23

So we were in the car park of a supermarket often the subject of a MN thread when DS (9) had taken the trolley back to redeem the £1.
Being a bit of a monkey he was trying to put the trolley back "handle to handle" as opposed to slotting it in. I called across to him to put it in right which he did. In the meantime I jumped in the car and drove the short distance for him to get in the car.
As I approached a woman was telling him off saying something along the lines of he shouldn't have spoken to her like that....
I asked what he'd said and she said "He was being cheeky" so I questioned again what exactly he'd said & she just repeated that he was cheeky. So I told her she had no right to tell him off, she said she wasn't and the exchange went on for several minutes with her still refusing to tell me what he'd actually said!!
I asked DS again and basically she'd told him it wasn't nice for him to put the trolley back wrong so in return he'd basically repeated back "well that isn't nice" (her telling him) at which point she had a go at him!
AIBU to think that if she had an issue that the least she could have done was spoken to me but in the grand scheme of things there was absolutely no need for her to say anything to him at all?!

OP posts:
MoonfaceAndSilky · 22/07/2017 09:58

Slight exaggeration but I work with kids and I know the drill

You are so right fartniss Grin

kali110 · 22/07/2017 11:01

tiptop i agree. I first commented that i thought the op was wrong, but some of the posts are shocking.

CorbynsBumFlannel · 22/07/2017 11:08

Agree that it's not on to call a 9yo child a shit. He's talking to people in a way he has been taught is acceptable. Not his fault.

Original poster
WobbleYourHead · 22/07/2017 11:44

I do love Mumsnet. It doesn't matter what I've written, people put their own slant on it.
I asked her what had gone on, how that was "storming in" or the numerous other descriptions, I don't know. I also didn't ask from the car window, I put the handbrake on, stood up out of the car (but stayed drivers side which incidentally wasn't the side she was at) but that doesn't matter and I'll get accused of changing my story despite having never actually mentioned whether I was in or out of the car
I asked her, as the adult, in the first instance as I expected to get a sensible and true answer. She refused to answer which in the moment made me cross so I told her she had no right to tell my child off (based on the fact she couldn't give me a valid reason to have done so).
On that point I also agreed with a pp (Can't remember who now & I'm not trawling through several pages of posts to find out) that she was right and I probably had overreacted in the heat of the moment but most people chose to miss that & decide I'm incapable of seeing it from any other perspective
The fact is he wasn't "being antisocial" or "causing an obstruction" or "being a shit" etc. He's 9, he was mucking about, it was not prime shopping time so wasn't busy and she could have quite easily gone about her business without sticking her nose in.
Think what you will, it's kind of irrelevant now. I did hide the thread but then someone shared the newspaper link on an fb group I'm on so...
I'll be nc after this so won't comment further but will most likely read it.
Fwiw, I can laugh off what some people have said as the wild leaps being made about my son's future are simply outrageous.
I don't expect my child never to be spoken to by other people however I do expect a level of courtesy that when they have done so they provide a reasonable explanation as to why!

OP posts:
nauticant · 22/07/2017 11:48

The lesson I've learned from the thread is that using italics on MN is just about the worst thing one can do.

But we still lack guidance on crossing-out. An OK thing or something so awful it's on a par with italics?

CookieDoughKid · 22/07/2017 11:51

You are being massively unreasonable and I'd be bloody mortified if a member of public complained and my son acted like that. Humility goes along way and is much classier.

CookieDoughKid · 22/07/2017 11:51

You are being massively unreasonable and I'd be bloody mortified if a member of public complained and my son acted like that. Humility goes along way and is much classier.

gandalf456 · 22/07/2017 11:52

I agree with you, op. Yes, he was cheeky and mucking about but it's hardly the end of the world. As an adult, I don't think I could have been arsed to tick off another person's child over this so it does say something about her. It sounds as if your appearance caught her off guard as she thought you wouldn't have seen her ticking him off, hence her reticence

nauticant · 22/07/2017 11:54

I also didn't ask from the car window, I put the handbrake on, stood up out of the car (but stayed drivers side which incidentally wasn't the side she was at) ... I asked her, as the adult, in the first instance as I expected to get a sensible and true answer. She refused to answer which in the moment made me cross so I told her she had no right to tell my child off (based on the fact she couldn't give me a valid reason to have done so).

Can you not see OP that it would have been reasonable for the woman to have viewed this as you seeking a confrontation? Normal people back away from others who are trying to kick off a barney in a supermarket car park.

FanjoForTheMammaries · 22/07/2017 11:56

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

gandalf456 · 22/07/2017 11:57

Yes. If they didn't reply, it would make me suspicious. Not all adults have the noblest of intentions

toosexyforyahshirt · 22/07/2017 12:04

OP still hasn't managed to tell us how she was in earshot at all times yet had to ask the other two what they said to each other?

nina2b · 22/07/2017 12:10

CookieDoughKid

You are being massively unreasonable and I'd be bloody mortified if a member of public complained and my son acted like that. Humility goes along way and is much classier.

Indeed.

Chickenkatsu · 22/07/2017 12:30

I agree with Fanjo "cheeky" doesn't mean anything you would need to know what he said.

I can't believe how many people love being rude about someone else's child. Is there a word for someone who hates children?

CorbynsBumFlannel · 22/07/2017 12:36

But your aibu was about whether the woman should have told your son off not whether she should have elaborated about how exactly he was being cheeky. It's entirely possible that he said something worse than he has admitted to that she didn't particularly want to repeat.
But even by your own sons account he was cheeky so I'm not sure why you're still maintaining that the woman was bu to tell him off?

WaspsAreBastards · 22/07/2017 12:39

This thread is on the Daily Mirror site.

CorbynsBumFlannel · 22/07/2017 12:39

Basically you would rather believe that your son said nothing wrong and the woman just chose to tell him off for cheek for no reason than the far more likely scenario that he was actually being cheeky.

WaspsAreBastards · 22/07/2017 12:40

Oops, didn't see @Etihad had already linked to it. Apologies.

SnickersWasAHorse · 22/07/2017 12:53

I asked her, as the adult, in the first instance as I expected to get a sensible and true answer

Well this depends on how you asked her.
Was it 'why are you talking to my precious angel? He can never do anything wrong. Back the fuck up, bitch'
Or
'Oh dear. What has he done? I hope he wasn't being rude'

Ktown · 22/07/2017 12:55

Op the issue is the tone you take. If you asked nicely and calmly then I doubt the woman would have minded and your son would have been mortified. If you jumped out the car and went all shirty perhaps she may have felt agressed and your son wouldn't have learned his lesson.

Atenco · 22/07/2017 14:45

I can't believe how many people love being rude about someone else's child. Is there a word for someone who hates children?

I've met plenty of people who hate children in my day. It's the parents who believe they have to protect their children from any and all criticism that get my goat.

muppditt · 22/07/2017 14:51

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

Pennywhistle · 22/07/2017 14:55

I'm sorry that you have been upset by the thread and haven't got what you wanted from it.

9yo is too old to be "mucking about" with trolleys though. I have a 9yo DS myself. If you "muck about" you get told off

Your DS presumably isn't that upset about the telling off given his response.

In my experience the most likely reason that she didn't answer you regarding what he said to her is that she didn't want to repeat it, either because it was swearing or because she didn't want to embarrass the boy and get him into further trouble with you.

IME you overreacted at the time both in your response to the woman and in starting this thread.

I assume you told your son off for his rudeness to a stranger at some point because if not then that's an under reaction.

Floggingmolly · 22/07/2017 14:57

Unnecessary, muppitt?? Wtf!