To think this woman had no right to tell my son off

[WobbleYourHead]

So we were in the car park of a supermarket often the subject of a MN thread when DS (9) had taken the trolley back to redeem the £1.
Being a bit of a monkey he was trying to put the trolley back "handle to handle" as opposed to slotting it in. I called across to him to put it in right which he did. In the meantime I jumped in the car and drove the short distance for him to get in the car.
As I approached a woman was telling him off saying something along the lines of he shouldn't have spoken to her like that....
I asked what he'd said and she said "He was being cheeky" so I questioned again what exactly he'd said & she just repeated that he was cheeky. So I told her she had no right to tell him off, she said she wasn't and the exchange went on for several minutes with her still refusing to tell me what he'd actually said!!
I asked DS again and basically she'd told him it wasn't nice for him to put the trolley back wrong so in return he'd basically repeated back "well that isn't nice" (her telling him) at which point she had a go at him!
AIBU to think that if she had an issue that the least she could have done was spoken to me but in the grand scheme of things there was absolutely no need for her to say anything to him at all?!

I think calling your son a little shit is bang out of order

I don't. If the cap fits...

Plus it might make the op grasp how others perceive her little angel's behaviour and her enabling of it, if it is described in stark and unambiguous terms.

Cheryl
This is the mean scene and you are a disgraceful.

HA HA HA HA! 😂😂

So basically you don't want the world to talk to your 9yo son. Good luck with that.

Of course YABVU.

Or as my 9yo child would say, "your son got owned".

Stop picking on this woman.......can't you see so many people attacking a woman looking for support is bullying....whether you agree with her or not. This is the mean scene and you are a disgraceful

Don't be so ridiculous.

To call this bullying is to minimise people who have been through real bullying.

OP is not looking for support. She's looking for validation that she was:

a) right to have a go at the woman over an incident she wasn't even there to witness as he'd been left unsupervised

b) that her child must have been telling the truth because children never ever lie.

Newsflash: They do.

Especially when it means it will justify why the woman told him not to talk to him like that.

*her like that.

Fanjo I agree. If some of these posters kids were referred to as little shits IRL, or themselves as cunts by quite a number of people in a debate they'd be screaming bullying and judging those doing the name calling. But it's OK for them to do it on the internet?!

Anyone who disagrees should go and read the whole thread.

I have read the while thread thankyou Fanjo. I have also been bullied. So as mg daughter. That severely I moved her out of the school.

Whilst the few posts calling her son every name under the sun are completely uncalled for. People who simomy disagree with the OP are not bullying. To put them in the same category is why I said it is ridiculous.

If people vehemently disagreeing with others is bullying then that means most of Mumsnet on AIBU are bullies. To me, that's unfair.

*simply.

Sorry for the wealth of typos.

But it's OK for them to do it on the internet?!

Of course it's not okay. That's why MNHQ are there to moderate.

Have you reported the posts you're concerned about?

Good grief, the OP has been bullied.

Posters have recognised this kind of parenting as a source of a lot of very bad behaviour that causes people a lot of angst, and pointed it out continually.

OP has become more entrenched as the thread has moved.

WTF. You allowed your son to behave like a little shit, blocking the way to other people, and when a woman told him that it is not nice to behave as he does (what a careful and much too nice wording!) you think his being cheeky is okay?

I'd see your point if she had called your son a little shit, but she was very polite, and if you think your 9 year old son is too young to be talked to by strangers then do not leave him unsupervised in public.

Away I'm not talking about the posters like you who disagree with OP but have done it in a way that doesn't amount to bullying. But bullying isn't just about name calling and physical violence. A lot of MN posts could IMO come under the bullying umbrella. And I'm referring to snide posts, patronizing posts, certain words hghlighted by itallics, because bullying is putting someone down in order to make someone feel better about themselves and there are a number of ways to do that.

I think most people have been bullied on some level at some point in their lives, be it emotional, physical, verbal. Here on MN it's done using the written word, and when people mention this they're called special snowflakes, flouncers, or told that some posters are just 'robust'. I've written this a few times, if some posters spoke to people in real life the way they write to them on here, they could end up with either a mouthful of abuse or physical abuse. And that' not me advocating violence, it's the way that some people react to be spoken to like a piece of shit.

Vestal the irony of your post - you allowed your son to behave like a little shit and then go on to write I'd see your point if she'd called your son a little shit And then finish off in the italics incase the OP isn't as intelligent as you and needs a little bit of extra help to grasp what you're getting at.

So which is it? Is it ok for you to refer to him as a little shit on the internet but it wouldn't have been ok for the woman to refer to him as a little shit in the flesh?

We should all fight shy of calling children little shits to their face, however satisfying it might be at the time.

It's a lesser crime to refer to one as such on MN, surely?

I agree, TipTop. no reason why not to say it as it is, on MN

Twenty-two pages and a news article when this is really very simple:

Wobble your son learned an important lesson yesterday - if you behave badly in public, there are consequences. Other people will judge you and censure you.

It doesn't matter what age he is. It doesn't matter that you had already spoken to him. It doesn't even matter what the woman said to him.

He behaved badly. He was judged for it. That's what happens if you behave badly. That's the reality of human experience in every country and every society.

If he didn't like the judgement or the censure then he should behave better next time.

I'm absolutely with you OP.

It's one rule for kids, and they have to live by the 1950's style, as and when people feel like it, then it's another rule for an adult, who appears to be able to intervene and speak kids how they like, and ignore the parental request of "what's your version of events then" - you were clearly happy to address this with your DS. And did.

You and your child have been called disgraceful names by posters here. If I were you, I'd hide the thread OP. and wait for new posts that ask for advice when someone intervenes in their parenting styles and they're pissed off with it

Unfortunately the lesson he learned yesterday was that if anyone dares tell him off his mum will go storming in.