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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Save the date but no invite

160 replies

Spuddington · 20/07/2017 19:30

AIBU to think this is a bit rude?

Save the date received for wedding of an old friend. She lives up north now but we see each other as much as possible.

Wedding is creeping up and I haven't actually been invited. At all. Isn't that a little rude??

OP posts:
Ropsleybunny · 20/07/2017 19:32

Very odd! Is it for certain that you haven't been invited? Lost in the post or something....

WeeM · 20/07/2017 19:36

Very odd - how far away is the date? Is it possible they've just been a bit disorganised getting them out? she should be chasing up anyone who hasn't rsvpd so Youd like to think you'd hear from her if it's got lost in post.

DisorderedAllsorts · 20/07/2017 19:36

Unfortunately it's a common practice as people are using the 'save the date' card as a wedding announcement. They are two different things and people don't know what the correct etiquette is any more.

WeeM · 20/07/2017 19:37

And yes it is rude-if I get a save the date I book time off work and get hotel sorted if required...surely that's the whole point of them!

DisorderedAllsorts · 20/07/2017 19:39

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/am_i_being_unreasonable/2984829-To-tell-you-to-read-the-fucking-invite

Another example of bad etiquette and grabby behaviour. We all love a terrible wedding behaviour thread.

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/am_i_being_unreasonable/2984829-To-tell-you-to-read-the-fucking-invite

junosmum · 20/07/2017 19:39

When is the wedding? If it's more than 6 weeks away I wouldn't worry.

CorbynsBumFlannel · 20/07/2017 19:41

I think if you've had a save the date you're well within your rights to contact the bride/groom for details assuming your invitation must be lost in the post.

TestingTestingWonTooFree · 20/07/2017 19:41

I'd chase it up if the wedding is imminent or you know invites have arrived.

FrogsSitonLogs · 20/07/2017 19:44

How soon is the wedding?

You only send them to people you are inviting.

LeakyLittleBoat · 20/07/2017 19:45

I know it's considered really rude here (USA) to not send an invitation to those to whom you have sent a save the date, therefore STDs (I know) are only given to those VIP guests you are absolutely sure you want to come. It's perfectly all right to send an invitation to someone you haven't sent a STD to but not the other way around
I think its another of those American customs which got a bit skewed when it crossed the Atlantic, here it's to give key guests, especially from out of town or abroad, as much notice as possible but there it often seems to be a case of couples sending STDs to EVERYONE they know, like an announcement of the impending wedding, regardless of whether they are considering adding them to the guestlist or not.

CorbynsBumFlannel · 20/07/2017 19:48

I've never headboard sending a Save the Date to someone you're not inviting to the wedding. Why would they need to save the date?

CorbynsBumFlannel · 20/07/2017 19:48

*Never heard of

katronfon · 20/07/2017 19:57

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster
Spuddington · 20/07/2017 20:07

Wedding is three weeks away. Facebook post from bride saying everyone has rsvpd and the seating plan is sorted so obviously not invited.

OP posts:
squoosh · 20/07/2017 20:11

Save the Date...................so you can spend the day wondering why you weren't invited.

Submariner · 20/07/2017 20:11

Message her, 'Am I still supposed to be saving the date for this?'

BewareOfDragons · 20/07/2017 20:13

Yes, please do message her what Submariner said. :)

eddielizzard · 20/07/2017 20:14

revolting behaviour. please send a pa text

"so looking forward to your wedding! i think my invitation got lost but don't worry - i got the details from xyz. good thing you sent me a save the date card or i would have missed it! xxx"

pigsDOfly · 20/07/2017 20:14

In your place I'd definitely be getting in touch with her and telling her you've saved the date and now you're wondering where your invitation is.

Incredibly rude to effectively tell someone you're inviting them to your wedding and then just cut them out.

DaisyChainsForever · 20/07/2017 20:15

I agree with the other posters, ask her if you're still supposed to be saving the date!

Supermagicsmile · 20/07/2017 20:16

Agree with said message!

meditrina · 20/07/2017 20:17

Oh Spud that's horrid as it does sound like a NFI

And it's really rude of her to not invite someone who you've sent an STD. They should only be sent to that subset of guests whose presence you would really miss, and who you will definitely be inviting to the whole shebang (you don't actually need a card, you could just tell then).

Have you really had no conversations since the STD about the upcoming nuptials?

It might be worth asking her what happened to your invitation. If it's simply a case of lost in the post it could be rectified. Though the FB comments mean I may wel, be clutching at straws.

RaeSkywalker · 20/07/2017 20:18

I think you need to ask if you're still invited.

early30smum · 20/07/2017 20:18

How rude! I'd definitely text/email something like 'hi x, so looking forward to your wedding, it's been in the diary for ages, just wondered what the final details were as it's getting close now!'

CheeseAtFourpence · 20/07/2017 20:18

I would absolutely message her. I have never heard of someone sending a save the date and then not inviting them. If it were me I would be worried that the invitation had got lost and the bride thought I just hadn't RSVP'd.