Save the date but no invite

[Spuddington]

AIBU to think this is a bit rude?

Save the date received for wedding of an old friend. She lives up north now but we see each other as much as possible.

Wedding is creeping up and I haven't actually been invited. At all. Isn't that a little rude??

But if it got lost why would the bride not chase it up?

Yes, definitely get in touch and ask WTF is going on? or words to that effect

Is assumed it was lost until I read your comment about Facebook. We did have several go astray (usually in flat-shares)!

I'd definitely message - what a cheek!

I'd probably go with polite confusion as the tone for the message though, incase there had been some kind of misunderstanding (seems unlikely given the Facebook posts but not impossible).

Something like 'hi X, hope you're well and looking forward to the big day! Just wanted to check in as I saw your post on fb about everyone having RSVP'd but I haven't heard anything since I got your save the date for the wedding. Not sure if the invite got lost in the post or there's been a bit of misunderstanding but I've been keeping the date free...'

She's off on her night and hasn't invited you to that either?

I think you need to cut this one loose.

Damn it! we are not going to get an update for days are we if it is hen weekend!

Very rude behavioir.

If you wish to cheer yourself up, OP, read TidyDancers threads. She was sent a save the date for a close friend's wedding and was then not invited, not even to the evening reception.

She was then asked to decorate the hall for free, (for a wedding she wasn't attending) and abused when she refused.

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/am_i_being_unreasonable/1807864-to-say-no-to-this-request-from-a-friend

Just twigged what STD means in this context

Bloody bad form on her part. I'd let it go

I'm I enormously out of touch? I thought you sent a save a date to the, say, 20 or 30 people without whom your wedding just wouldn't be the same. To the people who really are your nearest and dearest. So, yes, like the OP, if I received one, I would definitely assume that I would be invited.

This seems to be on the increase. Extremely rude. STD cards really should only go to the VIPs, like siblings, parents, chief bridesmaid... people so important you'd be very upset if they couldn't come.

Have you really had no conversations since the STD about the upcoming nuptials?

I know I'm supposed to be a mature adult, but STD is giving me a good laugh!

Is there anyone else you can ask?

Id be livid. posting that on Facebook when you know there's folk that you've not invited-she is obviosuly totally oblivious to how rude she's been. Good on you for texting her.

No, no, no - I refuse to believe anyone is stupid enough to send a save the date card (which is an instruction) and then not invite recipients to their wedding.

This can't happen, I won't have it.

And I would be sorely tempted to comment on the Facebook post but I wouldn't have the balls!

Wow, that's really rude of her.

I think you get the true measure of a person when they're planning their wedding. This friend needs to be cut loose for your own good.

I did that but in my case it was deliberate as there had been a falling out and there was no way I wanted that particular person anywhere near our wedding, let alone see them in the pictures! What made it awkward was it was a member of DH's family...

We didn't do save the date cards - but if we had, anyone that got one would have got a subsequent invitation. Very weird

How rude!

How rude.

Save the date cards are pointless, if you have a date then a ceremony must have been booked so save the environment the paper and just send an invite.

I never get the STD ..however no hen invite..no wedding invite...Not really friends..I am glad you sent the text though

Id message. Ive saved the date as you requested but still waiting for time and venue details. Cheers hun!

Ouch. Dreadful manners.

Gluezilla was fabulous. I think I'm on there on a previous NC. Will now lose an hour or two reviewing.

There must be more to this story, how often do you see this friend? Have you fallen out since? Drifted apart? Were you closer when the std's were sent but since had no contact?