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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To tell you to *read* the fucking invite..

420 replies

Bitchfromhell · 20/07/2017 17:59

Major embarrassment narrowly avoided and I'm cringing at what might have happened Blush

Fancy wedding on Saturday, was so excited to get an invitation months ago. Have bought 2 outfits in the sales so can return the one I don't choose on the day. Booked the hairdressers for the morning, even lost a few pounds. We don't get many wedding invites these days and I love a good wedding so admittedly completely over invested Blush

Checked the invite for timings this morning and realised we haven't actually been invited to the whole thing. Just the ceremony at 1pm and then the evening do at 7pm.

I've spent all afternoon imagining us wondering about the fancy venue looking for our seats for the breakfast, being whispered to quietly by the formidable mother of the bride that we shouldn't actually be there. God it would have been awful. These aren't the sort of folk that would laugh it off. We'd have looked like proper dickheads.

Anyway, lesson learned, always read the invitation.

OP posts:
Charlie97 · 22/07/2017 19:12

Yes, read the invite, but don't get pissy if you aren't getting treated to a free meal - you don't know the financial sacrifices the couple have made to pay for what is already a ridiculously expensive event.

That's the spirit! Don't expect to be treated to a free meal! Bloody hell, I thought it was more join us to celebrate! You know let's eat together and rejoice? *
*
You sound delightful! It doesn't have to a ridiculously expensive affair you know! It can be top class meal for the "chosen" or all bring a dish and celebrate with everyone. The dress can be £50 or £5000. I think you've missed the real idea of a wedding! Guests getting pissy!!!

lmer · 22/07/2017 19:15

So we went to a similar thing- but basically the breakfast was just wedding party parents/siblings and grandparents no friends and extended family and then the reception was like cocktails with nibbles

Maireadplastic · 22/07/2017 19:18

But the point is the wedding not the party! I would find it weird just to be invited to the party. I'd want the option of seeing them actually get married- that's what it's all about after all.

isittheholidaysyet · 22/07/2017 19:19

(I'm glad you enjoyed the service op, have fun tonight)

I think the reason I struggle to understand the problem with evening parties is this...

I want to see my friends, acquaintances, work colleagues etc get married. I want to share their joy and support them as they make this massive life commitment.

I don't expect to be invited to the event. (I think that would be entitled.) I realise people have families and far closer friends than me. So to be invited to an evening party is a privilege, as it is to see them marry at the ceremony.

I have travelled some distance to do this at times, and at other times I have decided not to do so.

I just don't get why I should consider the couple rude for inviting me to join them?

isittheholidaysyet · 22/07/2017 19:22

Travelled to a lovely wedding once. Fantastic service, followed by an (indoor) garden party with jazz band, pimms and canapés and the speeches.
Then the family and close friends went off for a meal at about 6pm.
It was a great way to do it.

stonecircle · 22/07/2017 19:48

you don't know the financial sacrifices the couple have made to pay for what is already a ridiculously expensive event.

Oh please!!! Why does anyone have to make 'financial sacrifices'? Flashy do's aren't compulsory you know? Something cheap and cheerful for all invitees has to be better than excluding people for part of the occasion.

Some of the best weddings I've been to have been of the cheap and cheerful variety (including my own).

yikesanotherbooboo · 22/07/2017 22:28

Isother I've been to a fun wedding with a similar pattern to the day and it was more than acceptable .
Consider your guests please Husbands and Wives to be !

MiddleClassProblem · 22/07/2017 22:51

I've been to a relaxed wedding where we all brought picnics for the beach. No costs for the bride and groom and a lovely afternoon.

Original poster
Bitchfromhell · 23/07/2017 02:51

Final update.

It fucking howled down all night! I mean sideways rain that knocks you off your feet if you get caught in it.

We arrived at about 8pm, the bride was sloshed and got put to bed at 9.30pm. The groom was also pretty sloshed but carried on regardless until about 10.30pm when he also got carried off. The bridesmaids then proceeded to fall out with each other and their boyfriends and the Hog Roast didn't transpire until about 11pm by which time I didn't fancy it and the entire bridal party were either asleep or arguing in the rain.

The band were ok, we danced and drank and generally tried hard to make it feel like it was a nice wedding for the photos and remaining family Blush

Pretty much a typical wedding do really,
Grin just didn't want to not fill you all in. I feel sorry for the bride and groom though, they will regret it tomorrow I'm sure.

OP posts:
emesis · 23/07/2017 03:50

They sound like a class act all round..

HarryBiscuit · 23/07/2017 09:59

I've just been catching up on the terrible wedding behaviour thread in classics, sounds like you could add to it! Grin

Earthmother1 · 23/07/2017 10:03

I was invited with my then 7 year old daughter to some friends' wedding. We travelled from South Somerset to Kent by train (I'm blind and physically disabled), and were invited to the wedding but nothing else after. So we spent the afternoon looking around a local castle and went to Wetherspoons for dinner. Didn't know till the next morning that the pub we booked for 'bed and breakfast' didn't actually do food. So back to Wetherspoons for breakfast.... felt really uncomfortable...

MiddleClassProblem · 23/07/2017 12:42

Typical wedding? Am I the only person who's not been to one where drama transpires. I feel a little left out.

MiddleClassProblem · 23/07/2017 12:47

Earthmother1 invited all that was just for the ceremony Shock

Basically for an hour

stonecircle · 23/07/2017 12:58

Back in the day you had the ceremony followed by the reception - which could be a full sit down meal or something simpler (I went to one where we had homemade cucumber sandwiches and jugs of pimms served in the bride's parents' garden -delightful).

When/why did it become such a marathon event? If I was the bride I'd probably be paralytic or flat out with exhaustion too if I had to get through a ceremony, a meal and an evening do. Especially after all the build up - tempting to down a few too many glasses of fizz too quickly!

KoalaDownUnder · 23/07/2017 13:02

I totally agree, stone.

The ceremony, followed by one event: whatever you can afford to offer ALL the guests who came to the ceremony.

That's it.

stonecircle · 23/07/2017 13:06

The ceremony, followed by one event: whatever you can afford to offer ALL the guests who came to the ceremony.

Koala - it really is that simple isn't it?!

KoalaDownUnder · 23/07/2017 13:15

You'd think!

thegoodnameshadgone · 23/07/2017 13:27

Ive never known this. So come the ceremony but not the meal before the evening do? What are you supposed to do in between???

I've honestly never heard of this is this a common thing??

Ferris124 · 07/08/2017 08:50

I never go to weddings unless we are invited to the whole thing.

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