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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To tell you to *read* the fucking invite..

420 replies

Bitchfromhell · 20/07/2017 17:59

Major embarrassment narrowly avoided and I'm cringing at what might have happened Blush

Fancy wedding on Saturday, was so excited to get an invitation months ago. Have bought 2 outfits in the sales so can return the one I don't choose on the day. Booked the hairdressers for the morning, even lost a few pounds. We don't get many wedding invites these days and I love a good wedding so admittedly completely over invested Blush

Checked the invite for timings this morning and realised we haven't actually been invited to the whole thing. Just the ceremony at 1pm and then the evening do at 7pm.

I've spent all afternoon imagining us wondering about the fancy venue looking for our seats for the breakfast, being whispered to quietly by the formidable mother of the bride that we shouldn't actually be there. God it would have been awful. These aren't the sort of folk that would laugh it off. We'd have looked like proper dickheads.

Anyway, lesson learned, always read the invitation.

OP posts:
Maireadplastic · 21/07/2017 17:28

ludog- not my experience of Irish/Irish diaspora weddings at all (and I've been to a fair few). Ceremony usually at 1ish and totally normal for some guests to be asked to just the evening. When you have huge families (I have almost 50 first cousins) there isn't much alternative.
Evening invitations totally normal for big non-Irish weddings too. Surprised that so many have never heard of it.

Dancergirl · 21/07/2017 17:41

We invited a few people for the evening do at our wedding.

BUT: the caterers laid on some food for them and also we did not expect them to come to the ceremony (some did anyway).

Turquoise123 · 21/07/2017 17:43

This wedding thing of inviting people to some but not all is not on .

ludog · 21/07/2017 17:48

@maireadplastic oh evening invitations are very common here and no-one takes offence but I've never heard of someone being invited to the church and then only the evening do and never heard of evening invitation at 7. Like I said, the meal wouldn't be finished by then.

CrazyolMama · 21/07/2017 17:49

For what it's worth......We really struggled with our wedding invites because of budget. The people who we felt were part of our every day lives were invited to the whole thing. Others who we liked & wanted to include, somehow, were invited to the evening thing, and that included some family....e.g. Invited my cousin to the whole thing and her sisters & brother (obviously also my 1st cousins) to the evening thing. We were honest! That's the only thing you can do when you don't know what to do! We had separate invitations for each and on the evening ones we said where the ceremony would be held should anyone like to see it, but we did not expect them to. C'mon guys! We've all had this dilemma!

MoronsandNeurons · 21/07/2017 17:50

Exactly what scribblegirl said. You can't do anything right these days!
Also how is that rude? Usually the reception is in a different place to the ceremony anyway so what's wrong with ceremony and evening invite? Only bizarre if all at same location.
I've been to loads of weddings where everyone's invited to the ceremony, and extra come in the evening that couldn't be invited to the breakfast.

beekeeper17 · 21/07/2017 17:51

I feel outraged for you! I really hope some other people are confused by the stupid invite and turn up at fancy posh hotel straight after the ceremony and then the bride and groom have to explain they're not actually invited to that bit. Cringe!

Cackleberry4 · 21/07/2017 17:51

You got off lightly, some friends of ours were invited to a wedding in Italy.

After the ceremony they asked for directions to the reception venue to be met with blank looks. They had only been invited to the ceremony!

pid2000 · 21/07/2017 17:51

All you people moaning are the first people that would moan if you were invited to just the evening do and not the ceremony. Weddings are so expensive that people can't afford to invite everyone to the afternoon reception but as well as you coming to the evening reception they would still like to share as much of THEIR special day with you as possible. If it puts you out too much then just go to the evening or don't bother at all you miserable people.

catsaresomucheasier2 · 21/07/2017 17:56

How bizarre! Incantation imagine anyone inviting folks to see them walk down the aisle, the expect them to piss off home for a few hours and come back later.... Are you absolutely sure?? I'd have to ring and check 😄

catsaresomucheasier2 · 21/07/2017 17:58
  • I can't (not 'incantation ' stupid auto spell)
Summer23 · 21/07/2017 17:59

Never heard of being invited to the ceremony then the evening but not for the middle part of the day. Understandably not everyone can be invited to the ceremony, generally it's ceremony, evening or all day. A bit awkward!

rosiejosie · 21/07/2017 18:00

You do not have to be invited to the ceremony. It is open to anyone.

That is the nature of marriage ceremonies. They cannot be held in secret.

funkymumkey · 21/07/2017 18:07

I was recently invited to just the reception, of a mum friend and the same for a cousin who is also a close family friend (at least when we were growing up). I kind of passed it off with my mum friend, as there was a buffet and dancing; the ceremony was intended for close family and friends. But I was disappointed with my cousin, who's son's wedding it was and surprised by her invitation (the way it came) and my own reaction, until I read this thread. Rudeness is definitely "a thing"!

ChocolateRicecake · 21/07/2017 18:11

This is the second time I've read this scenario and I'm genuinely perplexed as it seems so odd, and not something I'd ever contemplate. It's bad enough having to wait after ceremony for reception venue to be ready (happened a couple of times), but to be kicking heels while others enjoy it? Bizarre.

I'd attended evening but skip ceremony - maybe that's what's really expected since, as others say, you can't stop people turning up to ceremony?

manicmij · 21/07/2017 18:11

Invites usually say marriage/wedding at where ever followed by reception at wherever. If only the evening do for your invite then usually something "to help celebrate the wedding of ........ invited to attend evening at where ever. Does this make sense? If the invite hasn't mentioned wedding ceremony FOLLOWED by reception at etc then not invited. Bit of a slap in the face to expect you to watch ceremony then have to wait until evening to attend what is basically a party.

Thisworldsnofun · 21/07/2017 18:12

I wondered that about a wedding I went to the other week. Wedding at 1.30, reception at 7.30. Turned out the wedding breakfast was included as part of the ceremony but not mentioned on the invite. Fingers crossed its the same for you.

MiddleClassProblem · 21/07/2017 18:13

I thought you were mislead until the last update. They definitely would be chasing you for menus. I bet the lamb is over cooked anyway.

Bizarre and rude imo.

yikesanotherbooboo · 21/07/2017 18:15

I have just deleted a long message as I realised it was a rant and I was becoming overly invested....

manicmij · 21/07/2017 18:21

Not at all uncommon in Scotland for a good number of years to have close family and friends at ceremony and reception. Then in evening 7 pm or thereabouts others invited to "party". Buffet style food laid on for all guests about 9 -10 pm. Then party on until midnight or when liquor licence allows.

SondayMumday · 21/07/2017 18:21

What pid2000 said.
Can people not be grateful they are even being invited to a wedding at all rather than analysing and moaning about what aspect they are invited to. Make the most of it. It's nice to be invited at all. Weddings are fun. If you are pissed off about it, don't go.

stonecircle · 21/07/2017 18:32

But why don't people cut their cloth accordingly rather than have different 'grades' of guest? Surely an all friends and family gathering in the local church hall, or a smaller gathering of close friends and family somewhere more upmarket is preferable to these odd arrangements?

StripyHorse · 21/07/2017 18:46

I once went to a wedding where the close family meal bit was last in order to avoid this. Church do, afternoon tea in the church hall, then meal for the others. Made total sense that we were part of the main but (ceremony) and got to celebrate without hanging around. Bride is from a huge family!

Summer23 · 21/07/2017 18:58

Rosie it depends on where the ceremony is being held, if in a church yes you don't have to be invited. However anywhere else I wouldn't rock up to the ceremony without an invite or checking it was ok with the Bride/Groom.

Ginismyfavouritefoodgroup · 21/07/2017 19:05

We had this happen 12 years ago.
We found out we had only been invited to the ceremony and evening do when the bride told us in the receiving line for the wedding breakfast. We then had to walk back past all the real other guests in the receiving line to get out. Mortified doesn't even come close! Blush
All this after driving 120 miles to the wedding, forking out for a B&B, outfit and gift. To make it worse, we then couldn't find anywhere to eat with a table available so ended up with a supermarket sandwich in the car.
We went to the evening do to drop off the gift, then went straight back to our B&B, got sloshed on cheap wine and watched TV - much like most other weekends!
Bride didn't apologise or even mention it when I next saw her - no thank you note for the gift either.
I now scrutinise invites to everything and check with the host if I'm at all unsure!