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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To tell you to *read* the fucking invite..

420 replies

Bitchfromhell · 20/07/2017 17:59

Major embarrassment narrowly avoided and I'm cringing at what might have happened Blush

Fancy wedding on Saturday, was so excited to get an invitation months ago. Have bought 2 outfits in the sales so can return the one I don't choose on the day. Booked the hairdressers for the morning, even lost a few pounds. We don't get many wedding invites these days and I love a good wedding so admittedly completely over invested Blush

Checked the invite for timings this morning and realised we haven't actually been invited to the whole thing. Just the ceremony at 1pm and then the evening do at 7pm.

I've spent all afternoon imagining us wondering about the fancy venue looking for our seats for the breakfast, being whispered to quietly by the formidable mother of the bride that we shouldn't actually be there. God it would have been awful. These aren't the sort of folk that would laugh it off. We'd have looked like proper dickheads.

Anyway, lesson learned, always read the invitation.

OP posts:
skinnyamericano · 22/07/2017 08:43

This thread has just made me re-read an invitation for this autumn. It says that we are to be 'seated by 12.50, followed by an evening reception'. Now I'm thinking about what we will be doing in between?!

RebootYourEngine · 22/07/2017 08:46

This happened to a friend. They travelled for 4 hours, saw the ceremony and then had 5 hours between the ceremony and evening event. Because of the distance they didnt know anyone. They went because it was a good friend who had gone back home to get married. (This was in scotland)

Its bloody cheeky.

Maireadplastic · 22/07/2017 08:57

But reboot, as so many of have said- it's normal! I give up.

bouncydog · 22/07/2017 09:04

Terribly rude. Should be all day or evening do only. I wouldn't bother to go, would keep the gift and have a lovely day out instead!

LadyGlitterSparkles · 22/07/2017 09:15

Sounds like they want the numbers during the ceremony without having the cost of providing meals. Cheeky fuckers Angry

KoalaDownUnder · 22/07/2017 09:21

I don't understand all this ceremony and evening invites. I thought you should work out who you want to invite to the whole thing, budget accordingly, and that's that.

You'd think, wouldn't you.

beekeeper17 · 22/07/2017 09:23

I completely get that a lot of people have evening guests, we didn't do it but many people do. It's always rather nice to receive an evening invite for a wedding that you never expected to be invited to (like a work colleague) but I do tend to feel a bit put out if I get an evening invite from someone who I'd expect to have included me in the whole day.

In my view, the correct thing to do with any evening guests is to let them know that they're welcome to come along to the ceremony if they'd like to, but not to expect that they'll be there. How left out would you feel if you were invited to a party and then asked to leave for a while in the middle while you put on some entertainment for a selection of the guests? Whatever way you look at it, it's just plain rude! Yes, have evening guests if you want to, but don't expect those guests to join in the celebrations earlier in the day, then leave (and what are you going to do while in your fancy clothes with your hair all done!) and then come back again!

I feel I've over invested in this thread now and I hope you have a good day OP! Do come back and tell us how it went!

StealthPolarBear · 22/07/2017 09:52

That's a really good way of putting it bee. An evening invitation should be a surprise for a wedding you wouldn't usually expect to be invited to at all. Then it's an honour

emesis · 22/07/2017 09:53

*Surely I can't be the only person who is completely baffled by this whole concept of inciting people to different parts of your wedding????

I am an Australian living in the UK. I have been to a posh wedding here in the UK and it was just like the ones in Oz - afternoon ceremony followed by dinner, drinks, etc and everyone was invited to the whole thing...*

Aussie here too and I'm so confused. All this talk of 'the evening do'. What on earth goes on at 'the evening do'?

In my circles it's the ceremony then a meal or other feeding of guests. After the meal there's often speeches and dancing then people go home.

A buffet coming out at 9 or 10 seems highly bizarre to me too.

Maireadplastic · 22/07/2017 10:22

Oh my goodness. Emisis, for some people it's normal, others have never come across it. No need to be baffled now.

emesis · 22/07/2017 10:51

Yes I'm seeing that. I'm baffled because I haven't come across it but it is interesting to read people's different ways of doing things, I'm not criticising.

CorbynsBumFlannel · 22/07/2017 11:05

I'm from the UK and have come across evening do's a lot and still find them baffling. Imagine doing things that way at anything other than a wedding. For eg having a 50th birthday celebration and inviting your more important guests for a sit down meal in the afternoon and then the second tier later on for some scraps of buffet so they can bring you a gift (that you've likely asked for in the invitation) and hear all about the main event they weren't important enough to attend earlier. If you did that people would be aghast at how rude and entitled you were but if you're getting married it's fine for some reason????

ShelaghTurner · 22/07/2017 11:07

This happened to me. I drove from London to the Scottish Borders and booked two nights in a hotel for a work friend’s wedding. Only when I glanced at the invitation on the first night when we arrived to double check the wedding time did I realise we weren’t invited to the breakfast.

However, she was and is one of the loveliest people I have ever known and she was truly blown away that we (and a couple of others) had come so I didn’t mind too much. But yeah, I’ve had better days...

JenniferYellowHat1980 · 22/07/2017 11:25

squiz81- people seem to be ignoring those of us saying it's normal in our experience. For lots of us it's not rude or weird.

Not ignoring, no. Just disagreeing with your view that it's normal. It isn't - it's rude and remains so whether or not you did it at your own wedding or you've been to weddings like it.

MiddleClassProblem · 22/07/2017 11:27

I just don't understand not putting on a cheaper food option for everyone or if someone else is paying for the sit down meal for select family, still putting on a cheap buffet or something for others. That's just my opinion. Most people I know just have to cut down the numbers or provide their own homemade buffet etc if they can't afford to feed everyone.

MiddleClassProblem · 22/07/2017 11:31

emesis the evening do is the dancing, drinks, sometimes evening food etc

MiddleClassProblem · 22/07/2017 11:31

Basically after the meal

ColdTattyWaitingForSummer · 22/07/2017 11:33

I have to confess that when I got married we didn't have a meal part at all :/ We had the ceremony (numbers limited by venue) with close friends, family, and anyone who had traveled a long way; and then an evening party a few hours later for all of them plus local friends. I hope no one thought any the worse of me for it!

Maireadplastic · 22/07/2017 11:51

Fine, JenniferYH, fine.

missiondecision · 22/07/2017 12:03

This is indeed a thing. That some stingy people subject some of their friends to.
Come and watch us get married, the more bums on seats in the church/venue the popular/important they feel. Then Go away for a few hours after we have eaten and come back later.
This happened to me last year, it was awful, only me and one other where turned away at the wedding breakfast, it was embarrassing and showed me how valued I was as her friend.

MiddleClassProblem · 22/07/2017 12:21

ColdTattyWaitingForSummer that's quite different imo. You didn't omit people that you had already invited half way through, although I'm assuming you had a later wedding or some kind of plan of when people eat if it's earlier.

ColdTattyWaitingForSummer · 22/07/2017 12:34

I think the wedding was about 3 and the reception maybe half 7.. If I remember right, most of my side went for drinks at my parents' hotel, his side back to mil's, and some local friends went for a meal for one of the girl's birthdays.
It probably wasn't ideal (if I ever got remarried I'd probably do it differently) but I'd hate to think people were on mumsnet (if it existed then!) moaning about us..

Botanicbaby · 22/07/2017 12:34

I hate weddings because of crap like this.

Just go to the evening do if you must.

I expect there will be other confused guests not knowing which 'part' they're invited to. No way would I turn up to the ceremony if I wasn't joining them for a meal afterwards.

A five page ambiguously worded invitation 'booklet' sounds bloody horrendous.

Think it was mean & petty of your DH sister not to invite you to the family cocktail hour too.

MiddleClassProblem · 22/07/2017 12:40

ColdTattyWaitingForSummer sounds like eberyone was in in it rather than trying to decider an invite too. I doubt anyone moaned.

MumsTheWordYouKnow · 22/07/2017 12:47

People are so entitled these days. Want everything when they can't afford it and end up being incredibly rude whilst being grabby. Why not just invite you to the evening do if that's the case. It surely misses the idea of what a wedding is about.

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