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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To tell you to *read* the fucking invite..

420 replies

Bitchfromhell · 20/07/2017 17:59

Major embarrassment narrowly avoided and I'm cringing at what might have happened Blush

Fancy wedding on Saturday, was so excited to get an invitation months ago. Have bought 2 outfits in the sales so can return the one I don't choose on the day. Booked the hairdressers for the morning, even lost a few pounds. We don't get many wedding invites these days and I love a good wedding so admittedly completely over invested Blush

Checked the invite for timings this morning and realised we haven't actually been invited to the whole thing. Just the ceremony at 1pm and then the evening do at 7pm.

I've spent all afternoon imagining us wondering about the fancy venue looking for our seats for the breakfast, being whispered to quietly by the formidable mother of the bride that we shouldn't actually be there. God it would have been awful. These aren't the sort of folk that would laugh it off. We'd have looked like proper dickheads.

Anyway, lesson learned, always read the invitation.

OP posts:
wowfudge · 20/07/2017 18:11

So it's an evening invitation, but you're welcome to attend the ceremony. Really badly worded and rude.

Redglitter · 20/07/2017 18:11

I'd never heard of this being a thing until recently on here. Sounds incredibly rude. Come see us get married then go and entertain yourself while we have dinner then you can come back.

Sod that for a carry on. If I got an invite like that is treat it as just an evening invite and go at 7

early30smum · 20/07/2017 18:11

I sort of understand only inviting people to the evening drinks bit if numbers/money is tight (but I wouldn't do it!). But inviting people to the ceremony and the evening part but not the bit in the middle is odd!

SunsetGrigio · 20/07/2017 18:11

Oh sorry crossed post. I had a friend who did this with loads of her guests. You can only get away with it at church weddings. Awkward.

CherryChasingDotMuncher · 20/07/2017 18:11

Apparently this is a thing now! I think it's pretty fucking rude actually to expect people to get trussed up for the ceremony, no doubt be part of pictures etc, then bugger off for 6 hours to return for a few vol-au-vents whilst people they like more spend that time with the bride and groom having a fancy meal and getting pissed

Notknownatthisaddress · 20/07/2017 18:12

If I was invited to the wedding ceremony and the evening do, but not the reception/wedding breakfast, I would think that was very odd. I would contact them to see if there had been some mistake. If they said no, I would decline the whole thing.

FruBayerischOla · 20/07/2017 18:13

I've read so many of these threads. Why on earth do people do this to their guests? What on earth do they think their guests are going to do for the intervening 5 (?) hours. Serve them right if you turn up at 7pm absolutely trollied because you had to find a pub/restaurant to go to in order to fill the hours and have something to eat and drink.

fannydaggerz · 20/07/2017 18:13

My MIL was telling me about a wedding like this.

The guests invited to the ceremony had to find something to do for 7 hours before they went to the evening reception.

I think it's an odd set up but it does happen.

Scribblegirl · 20/07/2017 18:13

Oh god I feel for you! Thank god you noticed...

That said whenever the subject of evening invites comes up on here, you get a few going 'you should attend the church anyway, it's a public event!' so I'm not sure you can win!

Evening only = Bloody hell the ceremony is the bit that matters!
Evening + ceremony = How cheap, they won't pay for your dinner
Not invited because they can't afford you = Well, personally I think people are more important than a fancy wedding Hmm
Cheap as chips wedding so they can cram everyone in = you mean you had to pay for your own drinks and they only provided nibbles rather than a proper meal?! Shock

You can't win on MN Grin (having been on here as long as I have, I feel like I should already know this!)

Mrsglitterfairy · 20/07/2017 18:13

This sort of happened to me at my godmother's wedding. DH & I were only invited to the evening as they had to be careful with numbers for the breakfast but we still went to the church to see them get married. That was our choice though and the church was round the corner from our house

londonmummy1966 · 20/07/2017 18:13

Frankly if you were to turn up at the breakfast it would serve them right for being so rude. Just raise you eyebrows and stare at the mother of the bride and say "You can't really be telling me you thought it was appropriate to invite me to attend the ceremony, then hang around outside for several hours before coming for a drink in the evening? It never occurred to me that anyone could be so rude..." and watch her face.

But sadly I'd never have the nerve.

You could not buy them a present on the grounds you had to pay for your meal between the ceremony and the evening reception.

Original poster
Bitchfromhell · 20/07/2017 18:13

Good point about both dresses. That cheers me up.

Just trying to figure out who else I know that might be going and what I've said about it to them. Hopefully have avoided looking a twat on the day but can't remember who I've discussed it with before.

OP posts:
AlexanderHamilton · 20/07/2017 18:14

I invited anyone who wanted to come to the ceremony but could only accommodate 130 at the sit down meal. Am extra 50 came in the evening.

I've been to lads of weddings where it's been a ceremony plus evening invitation. Only locally though. I wouldn't travel if not invited to the whole thing.

WhatToDoAboutThis2017 · 20/07/2017 18:14

Wow, that's really rude and very cheeky of them.

Notknownatthisaddress · 20/07/2017 18:16

Evening only = Bloody hell the ceremony is the bit that matters!
Evening + ceremony = How cheap, they won't pay for your dinner
Not invited because they can't afford you = Well, personally I think people are more important than a fancy wedding hmm
Cheap as chips wedding so they can cram everyone in = you mean you had to pay for your own drinks and they only provided nibbles rather than a proper meal

@Scribblegirl, they're called 'opinions.' And I doubt all the above ones came from the same person. Hmm

kali110 · 20/07/2017 18:16

I've only heard of this revently on here.
I would not bother going to the ceremony, i'd just go the reception.
I couldn't be bothered to hang around in between!

Original poster
Bitchfromhell · 20/07/2017 18:18

Fru that's exactly what I'm planning now, going to find somewhere for a long boozy lunch for the in between bit and just see what happens.
Also just made the executive decision to keep the crystal glasses Smile

OP posts:
AgentProvocateur · 20/07/2017 18:19

I nearly made the same mistake a couple of years ago! It's a "thing" in England apparently. Who knew? In Scotland, its ceremony/meal/night or just night. Never ceremony and night. I'm cringing for you, OP!

honeysucklejasmine · 20/07/2017 18:20

It's quite common to invite people to evening with a "the ceremony is X if you would like to join us". Makes it clearer that you aren't invited to wedding breakfast.

Scribblegirl · 20/07/2017 18:20

Wow, notknown - I was only gently taking the piss out of this website that I spend far too much time on!

I know it's not all the same people. I just meant that, y'know, you're damned if you do and you're damned if you don't when getting married! Hence not getting too het up about it - invite not a summons yada yada. I wasn't declaring myself the final word on weddings Grin😂

mogulfield · 20/07/2017 18:20

I think that's rude, what is it about weddings ? Usually normal people become Self entitled and take leave of their senses, and then 50% get divorced anyway.

BeautyQueenFromMars · 20/07/2017 18:21

I'm 38 this year, and have always known of this happening. Maybe it's the community I grew up in, but it's pretty normal round here.

Having said that, the wedding breakfast and reception have usually been big pot-luck style gatherings in a local village hall, rather than something fancy and expensive.

EduCated · 20/07/2017 18:22

Have had this a couple of times - once it was an evening invite with a 'you're more than welcome at the ceremony if you want to' without any expectation. The ceremony was just around the corner, so I did go.

The second it was very much expected we attend then make ourselves scarce. Only went as there were a big group of us in the same situation, so we went for our own meal in the middle and had quite the piss up Blush I don't actually really remember the evening do...

grannytomine · 20/07/2017 18:24

Scribblegirl brilliant, you are so right.

EverythingEverywhere1234 · 20/07/2017 18:24

I honestly cannot believe this is a thing, it just seems bizarre 😂