To tell you to *read* the fucking invite..

[Bitchfromhell]

Major embarrassment narrowly avoided and I'm cringing at what might have happened

Fancy wedding on Saturday, was so excited to get an invitation months ago. Have bought 2 outfits in the sales so can return the one I don't choose on the day. Booked the hairdressers for the morning, even lost a few pounds. We don't get many wedding invites these days and I love a good wedding so admittedly completely over invested

Checked the invite for timings this morning and realised we haven't actually been invited to the whole thing. Just the ceremony at 1pm and then the evening do at 7pm.

I've spent all afternoon imagining us wondering about the fancy venue looking for our seats for the breakfast, being whispered to quietly by the formidable mother of the bride that we shouldn't actually be there. God it would have been awful. These aren't the sort of folk that would laugh it off. We'd have looked like proper dickheads.

Anyway, lesson learned, always read the invitation.

So speaking of rude, I've just been told by my friend of 16 years that me and my family are not invited to her very small wedding but she will have it live streamed for us to log on to our computer so we can all watch at home! Am I being bitchy or is that weird??? 😱😱

I personally dislike the whole A list and B list- we invited everyone to the entire day for our wedding.

I had never heard of this situation until last year when we received a similar invitation. Like yours, it wasn't particularly clear. It was only through speaking with other friends we worked out we were on the 2nd class list!

I had already accepted the invited and booked two nights hotel accommodation (we are a 4 hour drive away so needed to stay the night before too).

When I found out we were expected to drive miles and shell out for two nights in a hotel only to go to a church and then amuse ourselves for 6 hours in between the church and reception, and then return in the evening at 7pm (kids bedtime) with all three kids in toe (6, 5 and 11 months) I messaged the bride sending my apologies and cancelled the hotel!

It's incredibly rude and speaks volumes IMO.

Evening reception fair enough for local friends / work colleagues you don't know well. If they want to come to the church too that's fine but it shouldn't be expected unless they are invited all day.

This happened to me. I arranged a babysitter for the whole day and drove about 1.5 hours away to a city centre to see them get married at the town hall then they said we'll see you all later and left. I assumed when it said somewhere else at 7pm it was to give us the heads up that we would be changing venue after the breakfast etc for the evening part so we could sort our cars not get too sloshed not that I'd be stuck in middle of a city with no hotel room to at least hang around in, in wedding attire. I wasn't impressed.

I don't get it?! Why do these brides think they can carry on like this! It's so rude! I wouldn't go, i invited 50 in the day from the church to the breakfast speeches etc and an extra 30 in the night, I would never dream of expecting people to wait around for me until am ready to see them again or not entertaining guests when they have obviously made an effort to go in the first place!!

Me too

I think this whole weird thing is rather new. Previously, you were either invited to the whole thing, or JUST to the evening do. Being just invited to the evening do, is fine, and quite nice. But to the ceremony, but then pointedly excluded, whilst you mill about wondering what to do with yourselves, until the evening do is absolutely horrid. I would simply decline any such invitation because it so very clearly says.... "we are not paying for a meal for you" and is not kind, is not friendly, and does not show any kind of respect or friendship.

I'm sure this used to be the way things were done? There was a posh meal for family and the wedding party after the ceremony, then a big party in the evening.
It seems a rubbish and complicated way of doing things nowadays!

This is pretty standard in the county I live in, but I was horrified the first time I heard of it. What are people supposed to do between the ceremony and the evening do? Why would you put people you care about in such an awkward position? I'm sad to see it's become a thing in the UK. I've not been to a wedding in years and never experienced this back then.

*country not county!

This sounds very odd. Can you check with a person you know will be definitely invited to reception and see if their invite is different to yours?

Why don't the happy couple's families or friends weigh in and stop all this nonsense?
It's the entitled attitude that is hard to take

Hanging about all afternoon after the ceremony until 7pm?

No way op, call in sick.

By the way, I can see the sense of "evening only" invites, but not this.

I completely get your confusion. I had this happen 20 years ago, it was the first wedding I'd been to without my parents and was for uni friend. I travelled to the south east from Yorkshire a couple of days before (at her invitation) to help with last minute tasks and catch up. I thought I was invited to the whole thing until the day before when she asked me what I was going to do during rehearsal wedding breakfast. I was so embarrassed I'd misread the invitation that I didn't say a word and duly went off after the ceremony and turned up to the pub in the evening.

I was invited to a friend's wedding, had been friends for 20+ years, we had six of her family to stay for 2-3 days each in my house and we got an evening invitation only.

I was very unimpressed .... seemed quite mean. When we got married, we had a cheaper venue and invited everyone for the whole day. 🌺

I had this about fifteen years ago; I travelled from London with a bunch of work colleagues for our co-workers church wedding two hundred miles away (in her childhood home town). We went to the ceremony then had to fill in about four hours. Bizarrely there didn't seem to be anywhere local to eat so we were all fucking starving by the time we found a pub that was serving food. It might not have been so bad if there had been lots of people not going to the meal bit of the day but it was literally just the five of us who had been excluded. These days I wouldn't bother with a piecemeal invitation like this, but I was young and thought it was nice that she'd included me even though she'd been talking about nothing but her wedding for months at work and only invited me a week or two before

I've been to a wedding like this a few years ago. I was there all day (VIP, me) but there were some invited fit ceremony, drinks and evening do only. Only ever come across it the once and was

I would be embarrassed to make such an invite! What in earth makes people think that's an appropriate way to treat others?

My partner got an invite to a 'good' friend's wedding, but that he'd have to pay £50 for his place at the reception (about 25 years ago)...he didn't go, surprise, surprise!
A mutual friend wasn't even invited, but was asked instead, to be a taxi driver for all the guests (using his own car) from the local railway station to the venue, and the bride & groom didn't even offer to pay for his fuel.....being such a nice guy he agreed to help
I've met said 'friend' and he is absolute bell end and his wife left him, though she was nearly as horrible as him to be fair.

I had it happen once, it was a work colleague so not a problem until the reception overrun by over two hours and the only bar was in the reception with the day guests . 10 of us sat in a hotel reception in the middle of nowhere and drink less.

This happened to me and a friend years ago. We were invited to a friends wedding hours away and had to book overnight accommodation. Attended the ceremony, all lovely and then made our way along the receiving line shaking hands and wishing people well - got to the bride (the groom was our friend) and she says ... oh have you got lunch booked somewhere? um wtff... we recovered it swiftly and left, but we were fucking fuming. It was before being married, etc, cash was tight and it was a big thing to pay for a hotel overnight and now we had to fuck off for a few hours in a village in the middle of nowhere and have to find a restaurant. We found a chinese. We contemplated not returning for the actual night do. So embarrassing but we were livid to have been put in that position. One of the grooms best friends got the same treatment. I had aways thought that if you were invited to the ceremony it mean the whole thing. Especially when you have asked people to travel for hours and stay overnight to attend. It was over 20 years ago but its still annoying

Obviously this invitation has been really badly worded.
After the invitation to the evening party there should have been a comment like...'If you wish to join us for our wedding ceremony/service, it will be at xxxvenue at xxxpm.'

We had 120 to our wedding and reception. Friends, close and distant family. My parents (who were paying) also invited, with our happy agreement, lots of other people to the evening do, mainly their church friends who had known me from birth. (Where a buffet was served)

There were about 200 at the church (120 'invited' guests)

(We also tried to find our skint friends accommodation with local family and friends so they could afford to come)

We then a few weeks later had a blessing service and buffet, near my in-laws house, so all their Church people, and random colleagues of my DH weren't missed out of the celebrations.

If all of that is rude and disrespectful and makes me a bad friend then I'm sorry, but I did my best.

I had a cheaper wedding so I could have all guests all day and provide all booze too. It was masses of fun and low key.

I think that one should approach a wedding by thinking properly about the guest experience. If they have a good time and feel wanted most likely the weddimg itself will be fun.

I don't understand these (usually) brides who think an invite is such an honour.

Whilst I don't like the practice of day and evening invites, it's not rude. What is rude is an invite that expects you to go to the ceremony and then make yourself scarce for 6 hours before returning!

When I got married I wanted my friends and family to see me do that - get married. I'm religious and the Church ceremony was the most important part of the day to me so I invited everyone to that.

The meal was being paid for by my retired parents, who had more money than me but were in no way millionaires! We had aunts and uncles (my FIL is one of 9), cousins, siblings (I'm one of 4, all married, he's one of 3) and some close friends of my mum's who watched me grow up. The room was packed and there was neither the money nor room for anyone else. So friends of mine weren't invited, but were invited to the church and to the evening party. I thought that was normal and am a bit mortified that it's not, but I wanted my friends to see me get married and we simply couldn't afford to have everyone at the meal.