Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To tell you to *read* the fucking invite..

420 replies

Bitchfromhell · 20/07/2017 17:59

Major embarrassment narrowly avoided and I'm cringing at what might have happened Blush

Fancy wedding on Saturday, was so excited to get an invitation months ago. Have bought 2 outfits in the sales so can return the one I don't choose on the day. Booked the hairdressers for the morning, even lost a few pounds. We don't get many wedding invites these days and I love a good wedding so admittedly completely over invested Blush

Checked the invite for timings this morning and realised we haven't actually been invited to the whole thing. Just the ceremony at 1pm and then the evening do at 7pm.

I've spent all afternoon imagining us wondering about the fancy venue looking for our seats for the breakfast, being whispered to quietly by the formidable mother of the bride that we shouldn't actually be there. God it would have been awful. These aren't the sort of folk that would laugh it off. We'd have looked like proper dickheads.

Anyway, lesson learned, always read the invitation.

OP posts:
like7 · 21/07/2017 21:25

We had this happen. Hadn't been to a wedding for years and got a postcard about 6 months before asking us to keep the day free. (Also think this postcard idea might be a new thing) So just assumed we were invited to the whole day and booked 2 nights accommodation as it's about 4 hours drive away. When the invite came it gradually dawned on us that we were just invited to the (very posh) ceremony and then had to hang around until the evening do. Too late to cancel then. When we arrived at the evening do it was made worse as we were waiting outside while the reception badly overun, watching it through the window...everyone having a great time. Only nibbles and a pay bar when we got in, and dancing. I will be more careful in future to check!!

GeekLove · 21/07/2017 21:26

I've only been to one wedding like this - it wasn't too far away but certainly nowhere we'd class as local. We weren't the only people who when after the ceremony ended up milling around wondering what was happening and who was going to the meal.

In the end there was a friend of the family we sort of crashed for a few hours but we were a bit miffed we'd been invited to a wedding with a bit missing in the middle considering we'd invited everyone to the meal at ours.

like7 · 21/07/2017 21:28

I think it's very different if you live local, kits.. ... lovely to see the ceremony and go in the evening too. But in our case it was a long journey and 2 nights accommodation.

OVienna · 21/07/2017 21:30

Some of the cringe worthy stories on here are unbelievable. It's obvious why, except to the very thickest of skinned, guests need not just be grateful to have been invited "at all."

Some incredible rudeness out there.
Previous thread that went round flushed out posted friendlier to the sort of day the OP is in for tomorrow.

KoalaDownUnder · 21/07/2017 22:14

When we arrived at the evening do it was made worse as we were waiting outside while the reception badly overun, watching it through the window...everyone having a great time. Only nibbles and a pay bar when we got in, and dancing.

Oh my God. How can people do this to their guests? How?? CRINGE.

Fightthebear · 21/07/2017 22:16

The ones with their noses pressed against the glass should feel grateful to be invited at all apparently Grin

ThumbWitchesAbroad · 21/07/2017 22:28

"rosiejosie Fri 21-Jul-17 18:00:28
You do not have to be invited to the ceremony. It is open to anyone.

That is the nature of marriage ceremonies. They cannot be held in secret.

This only applies to church weddings. Most other civil venues have a maximum headcount for fire regs, including register offices and hotels.

We could ONLY have 50 people at our marriage ceremony, and that's not uncommon. However we had a lot more friends who we wanted to come along if they wanted to, so had an evening invitation as well. We did, however, provide a buffet for them! No one was invited to ceremony and evening do only - all guests invited to the ceremony were also invited to the wedding breakfast, and in fact a few extra were invited to the wedding breakfast who we couldn't get in to the ceremony because of numbers. It's amazing how quickly the count mounts up!

Maireadplastic · 21/07/2017 22:29

Kitsandkids. It is normal. In my experience it is totally normal. Those who haven't experienced it think it's not, of course.

BadLad · 21/07/2017 23:30

I'd seize this a reason not to go.

nina2b · 21/07/2017 23:37

How unspeakably ill-mannered to treat people like this. Clearly, anyone who does so has not got the faintest idea of proper etiquette and decency.

I just wouldn't go.

JenniferYellowHat1980 · 21/07/2017 23:43

Kitsandkids Fine of everyone knew about your FILs 9 siblings etc and that your parents were paying. Not so much if you invited people you knew well enough that they were aware of the circumstances. More mortifying to be the poster shaking hands in the line-up and asked if you had lunch booked elsewhere. I wouldn't be returning or leaving the gift under those circumstances.

haveacupoftea · 22/07/2017 01:44

If i got an invite like this I wouldn't go to any of it.

elfies · 22/07/2017 02:56

So sad , friends are much more important than anything else .
People spend so much time trying to impress friends, specially with weddings, yet they must lose so much respect with invites like this .

eviethehamster · 22/07/2017 03:54

I'll never forget when one of DH's friends got married. Everyone except us were invited to the whole day, we were invited to the ceremony and evening. 'Twas very very rude. And awkward.

squiz81 · 22/07/2017 08:00

I'm surprised by how many people have not heard of this. Ive grown up with this being the norm. If you have a civil ceremony, especially one at the venue then it would be odd to invite people to the ceremony and back to the evening...but completely normal for a religious service!
We did it. We had 200 in total for the evening. Didn't have room to seat that many for a meal, had 70ish for a sit down. Then a huge buffet for evening guests. But everyone was welcome to come to the ceremony if they wanted.

OhLaVache · 22/07/2017 08:06

We had a corker when I was invited the the whole bit and DH just ceremony and evening do! He turned up hammered after an afternoon in the pub with the other rejects.

Maireadplastic · 22/07/2017 08:14

squiz81- people seem to be ignoring those of us saying it's normal in our experience. For lots of us it's not rude or weird.

StealthPolarBear · 22/07/2017 08:18

I was wrong Shock
Is the wedding today?

StealthPolarBear · 22/07/2017 08:18

So what exactly did "and afterwards" mean on the invitation?

JustDanceAddict · 22/07/2017 08:24

I thought it was quite normal! We had evening guests only 17 years ago. Was up to them if they came to the ceremony too. We provided platters of lovely food for them too. These were my workmates at the time, and some friends that we didn't see much, and neighbours. Afaik no-one was offended. We have also been evening guests and travelled for it too - didn't attend ceremony though.

JustDanceAddict · 22/07/2017 08:25

When I saw friends we didn't see much I mean those who weren't our close friends, but those who you'd invite to a big party. Just could not afford the big meal etc for everyone.

Polly2345 · 22/07/2017 08:33

This is normal where I live. I've been to lots of weddings in my home town like this - you can just go home in between the two. If I get an invite like this and it's away from my home town then sometimes I decline, sometimes I say I can only make the evening do to save hanging about all afternoon, and sometimes I go to both and find somewhere to eat in between the ceremony and the evening - depends how impt the person is to me. I've never felt offended by this sort of invite but equally I've always felt able to decline or only do the evening do if it's felt like too much of a faff to hang about all afternoon. These sort of invites haven't normally come from my closest friends, it's normally friends I'd like to see get married if I can but I wouldn't be devestated if I missed the wedding

Polly2345 · 22/07/2017 08:35

Also, it's fairly normal if you so this to provide an evening buffet.

Vixii · 22/07/2017 08:41

Personally, we found a venue that fitted everyone we wanted for ceremony and reception (realise it's not always that simple though).
Then, in the rush before the wedding I managed to leave some guests off the table plan 🙈.
Never heard of this inviting guests to ceremony but not reception.... think I'd be a bit insulted!!

kel1234 · 22/07/2017 08:41

I don't understand all this ceremony and evening invites.
I thought you should work out who you want to invite to the whole thing, budget accordingly, and that's that.
We had a buffet instead of a meal, which worked better, and we had a small wedding, where the reception followed straight after. Everyone went from the registry office to the reception. I thought that was the norm.

Swipe left for the next trending thread