New mum clubbing

[MrsG841]

A friend of mine has just become a first time mum and her LO is 6 days old.

She messaged a few us to organise going clubbing at weekend.

AIBU to think that she shouldnt think about this at such an early stage?

I remember going spinning a week after DS1 was born. I had this mad amount of adrenaline and I wanted to prove to the world I was still my own woman. Safe to say after DS2 I didn't do that and I'm now stuck in the drudgery of housework and pooey nappies and I'm proving nothing to no one 🙊

Is she very young?

I'm sad about the uncaring responses on here. Instead of judging how about trying to offer constructive advice? I'd say it's not normal with a 2nd degree tear and breastfeeding, it would be very hard to go clubbing. Is she in denial? Not bonding etc? Poor woman.

codd

Yes i know the baby is SIX DAYS OLD

And as i said i didnt do it and i dont know anyone that did

I don't see the problem with leaving the baby for an evening. Whatever the activity is, as long as legal. Pregnancy is long and dull and I for one am looking forward to having my body back and having some freedom.

Having said that, since she's breastfeeding she might leak all over the place and worry about whether the baby is taking a bottle okay all evening. I doubt it'll be as fun as she imagines. But I don't blame her for trying.

One half of mumsnet think this is fine and you are a bell end for judging

I dont think that

I just think everyone has a different idea of when to leave their baby

I'm more shocked she is up for clubbing 6 days post partum to be fair!

Both my labours/deliveries were fairly straightforward with no tears/complications but 6 days on I was still bleeding heavily/sore cracked nipples and feeling exhausted and tearful and with a saggy empty tummy I barely left the house let alone out for a night.

If she is ready/willing good on her and if the baby is bottle fed and safe at home with her DP/DH I don't see an issue, no one bats an eyelid when the dad 'wets the babies head'

I did suggest a local pub that does food and gas a live band on sat that we could go to but she said it sounded 'boring'

Do i have a subtle conversation with the bf?

Really? Unless you have a genuine concern for her welfare, then I'd leave well alone.

How many threads are there on here having a go at fathers who can't/won't look after their child for a few hours to let the mum have a break?

Fucking shitloads, is the answer. And yet, here we are.

Assuming the baby isn't being exclusively breastfed and is otherwise not going to, I dunno, have it's nappy put on it's head then who cares if the mum goes out for a few hours?

who cares if the mum goes out for a few hours?

there's going out for a quiet drink, or have your hair done, and there's clubbing. It's just wrong.
I took my eldest for "dinner" pizza when I had a week-ish old baby. I wasn't that up for it to be honest, but I wanted to show them they would still have time with me and our life was not just about the new baby. I don't see that on the same level as going out for the night in a club.

Out is out though. As far as the baby is concerned anywhere. Some people would say a trip to the hair dressers was unnecessary.

What gives people the right to list some kind of approved reasons to leave the baby or go out

How old is she? Is she the first in her friendship group to have kids?

Could be a way of trying to show she is still the 'same person' she was before baby?

She'll be asleep, face down, her second drink

Seriously, yeah I'd judge.

giles

Thats my problem with some of the comments

Honestly it sounds very unusual to me and I'd be judgemental about either parent wanting to go out out so soon after the birth. My friend came out with me and another friend 6 days after the birth (we asked but assumed she wouldn't come). We were out 7 to 10pm. Her husband phoned and texted several times because the baby was screaming all evening and get couldn't calm him down. He asked her to go home. My friend didn't go home. Yes, I did judge. I know it's not a given that the mum can calm the baby but at that age I couldn't have left my baby. But both my friends thought the dh should have just got on with it - so opinions are obviously divided.

That said, think my compression stockings would jazz up any clubbing outfit. Seems a shame not to make the most of it

But no its not your place to talk to the dp. Your friend will stop trusting you if you do that.

If it were me I'd be supportive and only offer opinion when asked. I would probably want to talk more about how she was feeling to understand her decision. That is my normal tactic when I am silently judging friends. I usually find that I understand and stop judging then.

Shes 25 so not young. I have 2 children and 1 other friend in our 'group' has 1 child so she has had advice and support from us from the beginning.

She has asked me advice about post birth given with DD i had a 3rd degree tear and DS i had a c section and i explained how even if you feel 'ok' you still have to go careful as your body has obviously been through a traumatic thing.

Yes, exactly, Giles and Rufus.

I'll be in the hairdresser within the first fortnight. Which, as I've stopped colouring my hair during pregnancy, will take 3 hours! I'm also unable to take proper mat leave (self-employed) and will be taking phone calls from clients aside from when I'm actually in labour. If one of them needs me at a meeting I'll go, if I possibly can.

Loads fewer people would be judgey about an older mother going to the hairdresser or into work than about a young mother going clubbing.

I wouldn't judge unless she speaks to me of being unable to bond with the child. Even then I'm not sure I'd judge. She could be overwhelmed and needs a night away from the baby. She could be experiencing a bit of postpartum depression, and I'm pretty sure at 6 days after giving birth she may be in the middle of the baby blues, and this is her way of snapping out of it.

I must say though, my mom had to be back at work one week after giving birth (even after a c section). My great grandmother was at home with her babies, while my parents had to go back to work because there wasn't (and still isn't) any federally mandated maternity leave in the US. I'd never judge a woman for doing that, and I'd be very reluctant to judge a new mother for deciding to leave the house, and probably leave the baby with the father.

I'm pregnant now. My husband has already said he'd want me to leave the house for a few hours without the baby whenever I felt up to it so that I don't become depressed or feel stuck in the house. He's already said I'll get a spa day about a week after giving birth, so I can give my body a pampering after giving birth (unless I have complications or a c section).

We're assuming she's a shit mum, when she could be an excellent but overwhelmed mother who doesn't really need judgement, but possibly support and understanding.

This is such a weird thread. I'm all for female empowerment but the baby is 6 days old!

I breastfeed and at that age its every 1 to 2 hours for 20 to 30 minutes at a time - she's going to have to pump so so much to make enough milk for when she's away and for the period her milk is contaminated if she drinks heavily. I'm all foe introducing a bottle to express i did it from week 3 but it can take a few goes to get baby to take it so unless she's already combi feeding then she's potentially going to leave her newborn stressed if she's going to wing it at the weekend. This isnt bashing formula just the logistics of leaving a bf newborn baby overnight.

I would be very concerned that her baby blues have hit and she feels the need to escape and eill probably have a moment of clarity whilst out or getting ready.

At six days i was in his. With a septic baby.

I hadn't eaten proper food in days maybe even weeks. Given so bad had to use up his leave over the last few months due to the complications id had. I barely got the benefit of his paternity leave as I was in and out of hospital with dd and he was with dd1.

Or had been weeks since I'd had a chance to even eat a proper dinner.

If someone had brought in a pair of jeans and a t shirt and offered me an evening in a restaurant eating actual food is have jumped at the chance. There were further hospotal.admissikns and multiple trips to the Dr and the walks to dd1s pre school to ensure I was as unrecovered and looking like shit to show what a dedicated parent I was

"there's going out for a quiet drink, or have your hair done, and there's clubbing. It's just wrong."

Why? Because you have an ignorant mental image that she is going to a 90's rave to live it large and pop pills?

As long as the kid is cared for and the mum isn't doing anything illegal/harmful, why does it matter that she chooses to go to a night club to blow off steam? Maybe she doesn't like pizza or any other more "acceptable" options

Amd724 - i had a spa day when my baby was 9/10 weeks. I'd highly recommend doing that instead - your body is a mess the first 4 weeks/sleep deprived that i dont think you would enjoy your day that close after. Plus bleeding ect..

Shes 25 so not young.

Ha ha ha, yes positively ancient!

I could just about manage a walk round the park 6 days post partum. She might feel like a big night out but I'd bet she'll be done by midnight and the experience of a hangover with a newborn is not likely an experience she'll want to repeat in a hurry.

"What gives people the right to list some kind of approved reasons to leave the baby or go out?"

Nothing. Nothing at all.

I would imagine she isn't breast feeding LouHotel