New mum clubbing

[MrsG841]

A friend of mine has just become a first time mum and her LO is 6 days old.

She messaged a few us to organise going clubbing at weekend.

AIBU to think that she shouldnt think about this at such an early stage?

lonicera

Cross post

By small I didn't mean newborn

I meant small...

I think most people would agree it's unusual, probably because at that stage you are still Likely to be recovering physically and adjusting psychologically. Without 'judging' I would wonder, does she feel the need to escape, deny any physical changes? Is everything ok??

Maybe as someone with more experience (?) you could suggest a get together at a nearby pub, maybe she just needs a couple of glasses of wine and a good chat to make her feel human again? Just a thought.

Also, I wonder if people would be as judgy if she wanted a spa day?

She's breastfeeding?! How's she going to manage that? There's a growth spurt around a week old, you can't leave them and go out clubbing!

I'd judge. I'd judge a father who went out at that stage too.

If she's breastfeeding she'll have to be careful to limit alcohol consumption to ensure it doesn't affect her milk.

I couldn't do it - I went for a meal out on our anniversary 3 weeks after my son was born and more of less cried the entire time with guilt

Maybe she expressed some milk.

Maybe she is going to mix feed.

Maybe she is planning to use formula after the first week.

Why does she need to be glued to a sofa breastfeeding of she doesn't want to be

God, I had my baby 2.5 years ago and I still don't have the energy for clubbing. Good for her if she does.

Why don't you as a friend group suggest something more low key for her? Meal, a couple of drinks, cinema or something? You could group together and say it's your treat?

I don't think she's quite thinking straight suggesting clubbing. Perhaps she wants a break and feels isolated from her friends and her "old" life. Is she the only one in your circle of friends who has children?

I think it's very odd. Also drinking while breastfeeding and dancing with a very new second degree tear?

I'd be worried about her. She may have had a traumatic birth, or be shell-shocked in general. Try and have a really good chat with her.

Whatever the the reason is for not being with your baby, the effect on the baby is the same. So, whether the parent is working or clubbing, the baby is none the wiser. That's what's I meant but 'dads do it.'

Both my dds slept virtually all the time when they were new borns. Fed and slept and had their nappy changed. That was it. And at night, that was in their Moses baskets as per the advice. With one feed between 8pm and 4am. So, if baby was formula fed, going out during those hours (or 9 and 3) would have meant the Miss of one feed and nappy change. I don't think the baby would be remotely affected by their father doing this rather than their mother.

I'm just in awe at her feeling up to going clubbing after 6 days! I certainly wasn't.
Why shouldn't she go out for one night presuming she's got great childcare of course?
I hate all the guilt shit that's put on mums. Do Dad's get judged so harshly? Do they heck. They can go out when they like and nobody moans at them if they dare to go out by themselves after the first week.

Although if clubbing is way out of character, I might be concerned that she's finding it hard to adjust to having a baby stuck to her 24/7. I know I really struggled with that. I didn't bond instantly with DS and to be honest, even when he was 6 days old, I would have liked a break from him (though to sleep, not to go clubbing). I worship the ground he walks on now, but I still like a bit of time to myself.

I wouldn't judge really, but don't think I'd personally be bothered to go out that early. My first night out after having my Dd was about 4 weeks after I think..

Exactly are

Mine pretty much just slept. They wouldn't have noticed if I left them with the milkman tbh

I did suggest a local pub that does food and gas a live band on sat that we could go to but she said it sounded 'boring'

Do i have a subtle conversation with the bf?

Or you could even get a few mates to go around and take food etc and really rally round, let her know she's not alone.

It's not even the physical side, it the fact that she wants to go clubbing and behave like there's no baby. It's the obvious refusal to accept that she is now a mother, and that she even wants to be separated from her newborn to go clubbing and get smashed.
Good for her if breastfeeding is already very well established, and she can already express and be away for the night, but that's not the point.

A poster is talking about a "small" baby, the OP is talking about a SIX DAYS OLD!

I have seen such behaviour before, but it was from teenage mums who expected their own mother to take care of the "boring stuff" and wanted to keep the same free life than their friends. Sad.

Sounds like she's desperate to get back to "normal". I couldn't but each to their own. Chances are she will go and not go again when her baby is so young as she will be shattered.

Oh come on

I am really not part of the 'my child is 3 and the longest we have ever been apart is 7 minutes' brigade, I have left my kids loads of times when the grandparents etc when they were young and am firmly of he belief that young kids do not need to be attached to their mother at all times.

But clubbing at 6 days old? Really? And people think that's fine? Of course she can do what she wants but let's not pretend that that is a great start to the long and at times arduous parenting journey. And yes I am always a bit at the 'wetting the baby's head' tradition with dads but to be fair that is usually 2 pints down the nearest pub, not going out to a club until the early hours.

If one of my friends did this my judgy pants would be served firmly up my arse.

One half of mumsnet think this is fine and you are a bell end for judging

While the other half judge if you go on holiday without children

No in between

There is no way I would leave my 6do and go clubbing . I was busy bonding, establishing breastfeeding and making sure my baby doesn't need anything and feels secure by having mummy by her side.

I'm not sure what the answer is Op other than not going clubbing and encouraging her.
No I don't think going behind her back and talking to her bf about your concerns will help.

Yeah maybe a subtle word with the BF could help, just to see how he thinks she is, if he's supporting her enough etc. Your idea sounds perfect, shame she's not up for it. Strange...

She's not even done it yet.

Maybe she only stays out a couple of hours after all.

Maybe her dp is pushing her into bf and she really wants a night where she's not being chewed to pieces and being out and having a drink gets hers get out of jail free card.

Maybe she has a house full of well meaning family and can't take it.

Maybe she just really misses u all and worries you are all just going to ditch her of she's not the crazy fun chick you all knew and loved and doesnt wanna be the tag along with the baby vomit on her sleeve.

Start worrying if she skips into going out all the time getting drunk and tearful4. But one night is hardly indicative of anything