New mum clubbing

[MrsG841]

A friend of mine has just become a first time mum and her LO is 6 days old.

She messaged a few us to organise going clubbing at weekend.

AIBU to think that she shouldnt think about this at such an early stage?

Personally I felt vile 6 days after birth and I don't think I could've gone out that quickly.

But it's not really anyone else's business where she goes as long as the child is safe and is well looked after

Psychology is an extremely dubious science, because psychologists are humans and subject to the same dodgy cultural beliefs, to some extent, as everyone else.

Is that you Trump?

To a point, User but I believe a woman left on a desert island with no societal influences would still feel an enormous bond with her newborn and an overwhelming urge to nurture and protect it herself.
I don't think a period of bonding is a made up concept or part of some sort of conspiracy. It's human nature.

Be careful with dancing and a vaginal tear

Sure she has already been examined by a midwife or Dr

-Be aware that your alcohol tolerance will be way down after 9 months abstinence

No shit Sherlock

Avoid putting the baby in your bed if you've drunk a fair bit

Ever heard of a Moses basket or cot

-Have someone sober to care for the baby in the night

Hello. Husband.

-remember you'll feel crap and tired the next day and will probably find it doubly hard looking after your newborn

What worse than people who pull long shifts and/or have nore than one chikd or a job?

You described life for many people who havent even gone out. They cope

So its hardly worth going if you have to be careful leave baby with your dh and can't co sleep or have a lie in?

Geez, what kinda clubbing did you do and what useless specimen are you married to

Of course people cope. I've looked after my children with many a hangover or with the flu or just after giving birth.
My point was the merits of letting your hair down for a night seem outweighed by the many disadvantages at this early stage. Fuck looking after a newborn you've known for just a few days feeling hungover for starters.

I don't want to get into a slanging match Giles Maybe I'm not married, so that was a low blow.
I respect what you're saying and you do have a valid argument, as do I.

My attitude to clubbing is Go large or go home. I don't think it's worth doing these things in half measures. This maybe colouring my view admittedly.

First up no one actualky knows she's going to be hungover

Secondly if the baby sleeps alot on the day there's plenty of time for her to rest up and doze off said hangover.

And thirdly she's carried a baby for none months and given birth im.sure a hangover is nothing in comparison and she's not going to know any different.

A baby with a hangover is a piece of cake. Not like having to watch a toddler who's climbing book cases the second you fonfir a piss.

If have taken looking after a newborns with a hangover than having to look after one in hospital where you bareky eat or sleep and have to avoid wires and canulas and NG5 tubes every tine you need to feed them or change them

Good for her for having a dh who steps up and facilitates her having time away without having to worry about the baby.

Thata a good thing even if others wouldn't make the same choices

The truth is I think it honestly just scares people.

That they go through the trauma of hours if Labour and the birth injuries and the sleep deprivation and the bleeding and pain and they want it to mean something..

But the truth is a baby that young most likely had no clue who you are and even being there isn't enough to soothe them at times. That you could shove it in the basket with the dog and it wouldn't know any difference and they can't even recognise your face at that age.

When they are older we know they know us but at 6 days they are either sleeping eating or crying and really wouldn't notice who was doing it. So we tell ourselves it's of huge importance to be there and omg why is this person going out so soon blah blah blah but that's mainly cos you are more worried about what others think and you think you should be doing. The baby won't even notice.

Was this ever actually for real? Op hasn't returned and it doesn't look like anyone went clubbing.
Just someone bored on a rainy Thursday wanting to watch people argue? Op would have known this would divide a room.

You argue your point well Giles.

It's outta gas don't worry

Neither does yours so why bother boring us with your opinion which is in my opinion not right. Those calling me an arse hole and a cunt are obviously guilty of being crap parents and leaving day old babies to go on a jolly. I'll be a cunt, arse hole, whatever you want to call me but a crap parent..Never..end of My opinion suck it up

Good for her for having a dh who steps up and facilitates her having time away without having to worry about the baby

^ Yep. & thats all that matters really. That probably annoys OP. Where is she anyway? At home with cats bum face or at a club with bulldog chewing a wasp face?

Lovely when you have a partner who can and will step up to the plate. Or not being so insecure that you won't let DH anywhere near the baby as you're perched atop your self-constructed pedestal - She That Is The Omnipotent & Must Be The Only Important One...Mother Martyr The Guardian Of The Holy Grail

If this isn't all a wind up I hope new mum went out and had a nice time

Those calling me an arse hole and a cunt are obviously guilty of being crap parents and leaving day old babies to go on a jolly.

Nope, this is a logic and comprehension fail on your part. A number of those who have identified how stupid you are have pointed out that they couldn't and wouldn't have gone clubbing.

Hopefully you don't pass either your brains or your beliefs to your poor kids...

For me, it's the breastfeeding that's the issue. At that age, both of mine were pretty much permanently attached; no chance they'd have taken a bottle. I couldn't and wouldn't have considered leaving them as there's a very high chance they would become distressed. Obviously we don't have the full picture, but OP didn't indicate that they were mixed feeding.

So just to end this post

Firstly she did go out sat (actually to all those who commented bf wasnt exactly happy about it)

She did get completely shit faced and spent yesterday moaning about hangover

She actually did tell me that she should of listened when i said it may be 2 soon

And to the comme t that im annoyed that he bf supports her to go out so she can let her hair doen that truly is a pathetic comment....my Dh supports me and lets me let my hair down as well!

This was never ever to 'cause trouble' or 'divide' the room it truly was me asking if it was felt that it was 2 soon for her to go clubbing ( not just out just clubbing ) which has proven to be correct

And?

She still had the right to choose so and be free of judgment for it.

It's done she felt like crap probably won't want to do it again any time soon and the baby was fine.

Again you sound more concerned about being right than you do about your friend and how she may or may not be feeling.

It was one night. She didn't deserve the awful things said about her on this thread about where she should be and what she should be doing.

I never asked for the awful comments i just asked if i was wring it was 2 early from the very beginning i never said i was going to stop her from going

To have people jump down my throat wasnt nice either.

Tbh i feel people have used this thread just to bash people and imo its sad. This place is meant to be for advice and to have people turning on eachother is sad

You could have defended your friend though. And you could also have spoken up about the nonsense. But you didn't.

It isn't nonsense to say that his was a fucking stupid thing to do and someone planning to do it either has some sort of disordered thinking or is having issues, or has a serious alcohol problem.

It is not a normal, healthy thing to do at less than a week after having a baby, and the people defending it in the name of 'sisterhood' or whatever are missing the point entirely.

Going out and getting shitfaced is not the same as going to the fucking opera and you all know it.

It is nonsense to have lists of acceptable time frames and venues for leaving the sodding house based on the judgment if people who haven't left he "women should be home with the baby" century

essie

The vast majority of people on here did not think it was a good idea for her to go out and get shitfaced

Exactly rufus it's not a particularly wise or healthy decision for anyone to get shitfaced. Hell I knew it was a crap idea when I did it

At the time if the thread she hasn't even gone and no one knew for sure she would even get drunk.

Most the judgements were made on her daring to have a night out and leaving the baby.