To think that it's not rude to not reply to a message for a few days

[poppp]

I'm not yet 30 and I feel like I was born in the wrong generation!!! I don't get all this instagram and Facebook stuff, I have no bloody idea what snap chat is! I HATE people posting pics on social media of my child and get the most bizarre look when I ask them not to post it. I noice that friends/family seem offish or sometimes mention well you never replied to my text, especially via WhatsApp as they can see that I've seen it! I'm a slow responder, it's not that I never reply it's just that I don't have my phone attached to me at all times. Or I get further messages asking if I saw their text... yes I saw it, you can see the sodding blue ticks to confirm that yes- I've seen it! AIBU to think it's pathetic to think I'm being rude because I take a few days to reply sometimes? I know it's not the norm, but is it really that offensive?!

It depends. If they are asking a direct question or if it's something that has just happened to them then i don't see why you would read it and but not respond for several days. If it's inane shit then yanbu.

If it was a direct question or they are looking for support I would absolutely reply straight away. But it's just general conversation really. Plus it's not the top of my agenda so I genuinely forget sometimes if it's just general chit chat!

Can you just half open them at the top of the phone to get the gist without them getting marked as Read?

I think if you hadn't looked at your phone or hadn't seen it or whatever fair do's. But to go into the app and look at it and then ignore it for a few days is pretty pish imo

I am not a fan of not getting replies when I send a message personally, but you can turn the read receipt off on Whatsapp so unless someone sees you online they won't know you have read it.

To look at a message then not reply for a few days is moronic

Well you sound a bit weird and aggressive about it, tbh.

Why read it if you don't care about it and don't want to respond?

And what has it got to do with social media??

YANBU. If their message requires an immediate answer, they should phone and speak to you.

YANBU either about the pics of your child, unless of course you post pics of your child yourself, in which case I'd find that a bit hypocritical.

But then I'm a firm believer in waiting until the child is old enough to post pics of themselves, if they choose to.

Yes you are rude just answer.

Phoning is more intrusive than texting, IMO.

YANBU

If I have my phone near me and hear a message come in (which is not all the time, which some people think is unreasonable too!) I usually open the message, just in case it is something urgent. If it's not, I will respond when I have time. Sometimes, especially if it's just chat, this will be days later. I'm not being rude, just busy.

I totally agree with Worra- if something needs an immediate response people should call to speak to you.

I don't think it's rude. I'll often read messages and not reply. If it's something urgent then I will or if they're specifically asking me something but if it's just something random I'll read it and then exit the app.

FWIW I'm 31 and I don't use Facebook, Twitter, Snapchat, Instagram or any of those things either. Just never seen the need.

I don't have any social media. That's the thing, I read the message to check if it's urgent and 90% of the time it's not so I'll reply another time.
If I reply straight away, I've barely put my phone down before a response pings up!

It sounds like you really want much less communication over your mobile and are struggling to communicate this effectively. People are getting offended because you have resorted to ignoring them.

Why not make it easier on yourself and tell everyone you were just struggling to keep up with Social Media accounts so have deleted them. Then get yourself a basic phone which only phones and texts. No apps to keep up with, no constant alerts - only buzzes for texts and calls. Then you have cut a lot of the inane conversational stuff down a lot for a start. Then you can say you want to keep your costs low so will only be using your mobile for necessary communications. Ask them to ring your landline/see you for chatting and make sure you have an answer machine so you can screen calls. When you return calls if you don't want to chat you can say someone is at the door or something.

Then take your well earned break and see how you like this new way of operating.

Phoning is more intrusive than texting, IMO.

Yes, that's the whole point.

If you need an immediate answer then you phone and get one. If it's just inane chit chat, surely a reply any time will do?

I find that rude yes. People text because they don't want to intrude by phoning (ime) but it feels a bit shit to ask someone how they are etc and be ignored for days. Would you rather they phoned you? Or would you let that go to voicemail and ignore it too?

I rarely answer the phone so text is 100% the way to contact me, emergency or not.

Horses for courses, really!

I agree with clarity, I got rid of my smart phone and now just have a basic mobile with texts and phone calls. No snapchat, Instagram or whatsapp. I do have a Facebook account but only log in occasionally from my laptop so everyone know just to text or call me. It's so much easier and less stressful this way!

I tried What'sApp and found it so intrusive. I came off it and told everyone if they wanted to contact me to do so by text as if deleted What'sApp from my phone.
I do answer texts promptly.

I always open whatsapp in airplane mode, no ticks that way.

I think I might have to go old school and get a basic phone- love that idea! I have asked people to bear with me as I have a baby and they say they understand but 5 minutes later get shitty when I don't reply for a while. It doesn't help that I'm a bit of an introvert and as much as I love my friends and family I also love my own space! For me the space is also about technology free time! She says as she's posting on mumsnet

Can you set up an auto-reply saying something like 'Thanks for your text, busy as usual, will reply when I have a chance'? Just so people have a response with a promise of a reply at some point, which is as much as anyone needs really (also don't really like answering chatty texts (mum excepted)- to me that's just not what a phone is for!).

Yeah, do it. You could even make yourself a bit of money by selling your fancy phone. You might have to get used to carrying a book/magazine around to keep yourself occupied in queues but personally I've never found browsing on a phone particularly good anyway.

YANBU - I get constant whatsapp messages and texts about all sorts of stuff - if I answered them all immediately my whole day would be a constant stop start and I'd never get anything done. I try to answer most on the day but have been guilty of it slipping a few days. People that expect immediate answers to non essential stuff just have a different outlook I guess...

I'm another who'll ignore messages until it's convenient to respond. I don't WhatsAp. I don't have Messenger. .FB Instagram and Twitter are blocked from push notifications. Text is the only thing that forces it's way through and I can't stop that. I can however choose to ignore them. Which I do.

I don't like the modern "on call " 24/7 assumption. I had 4 texts yesterday from my optician reminding me of my appointment - I've now blocked the number. I'd love a phone that just, you know, made phone calls but they all have text as well