To think that it's not rude to not reply to a message for a few days

[poppp]

I'm not yet 30 and I feel like I was born in the wrong generation!!! I don't get all this instagram and Facebook stuff, I have no bloody idea what snap chat is! I HATE people posting pics on social media of my child and get the most bizarre look when I ask them not to post it. I noice that friends/family seem offish or sometimes mention well you never replied to my text, especially via WhatsApp as they can see that I've seen it! I'm a slow responder, it's not that I never reply it's just that I don't have my phone attached to me at all times. Or I get further messages asking if I saw their text... yes I saw it, you can see the sodding blue ticks to confirm that yes- I've seen it! AIBU to think it's pathetic to think I'm being rude because I take a few days to reply sometimes? I know it's not the norm, but is it really that offensive?!

If everyone answered every single message then there would be no end. It would go on and on and on.

If it's general chit chat YANBU and need to just say you are busy if questioned. People who fail to reply to direct and urgent queries are the annoying ones?

NB on whatsapp you can switch off the blue ticks so the sender can't see if you've read the message or not.

You don't have any social media?

You realise you're on a chat forum right now?!

I find it rude when someone reads my message but doesn't respond, turn off read receipt if you want to do that!

I think if you've looked at it and it's not urgent, just put a two word reply so you've acknowledged - if it pings again and you knew it wasn't urgent in any case then don't read the reply until later.

I'm the same - I don't use Facebook, Twitter etc. I can manage MN though, not really the same thing!

I have a friend who's told me she gets irritated by me taking too long to respond to whatsapp messages, which has stressed me out... I do mute some conversations when it gets a bit much - things like PTA conversations that I really don't need to be part of. I also take a bit of time to mentally craft replies (is that weird!?), so I rarely respond straight away. She might have to live with it as not sure I can change without becoming very anxious!

You're not being unreasonable

Delete any apps that are causing problems. If you don't want to chat via text on your phone it's fine. It's totally different to phoning, or to sitting down and browsing a forum

I feel the same as you. I accept different people feel differently about this, so I respect their feelings and I'm not rude to them about it.

Rude would be texting back SHUT THE FUCK UP YOU VAPID IDIOT IF YOU WANT TO CHAT RING ME OTHERWISE FUCK OFF STOP GIVING ME FUCKING NOTIFICATIONS I'VE GOT THINGS TO DO CHRIST

which I have felt tempted to do, but again, that would actually be rude, so I don't

If I can accept that text people aren't trying to be rude to me, they should be able to accept that I'm not trying to be rude to them. Which they mostly do

I think you seem to be struggling with the newer technology - perhaps just sell your newer phone and get a more basic phone? That way people have no idea if youve read messages etc. Fwiw - I do find it wierd to wait days to reply to a message, I mean, how busy can one person be - right? If the answer warrants thought, surely a simple 'reply later - got the messGe man got suffice?

I find any expectation of an instant response rude and presumptuous. The sender doesn't know what I'm doing or whether I'm only checking for urgent messages. I wouldn't dream of interrupting a real-life conversation to reply to chit-chat.

Yabu- it is rather rude tbh. It takes 30 seconds to reply someone

In Ye Olden Days before email and faxes and stuff there were several posts a day. If someone sent you a letter in the morning about having tea that afternoon you could answer that yes you'd be there and know it would get through in time.

People did used to chat like this as soon as technology/infrastructure allowed it, just using letters instead, then phones, etc.

So YABU I think - a few hours is one thing but days and days to something that either actually needs a response or was a chatty 'news' message that you would normally make a conversational reply to, is a bit off.

You could also take up regular swimming, cycling, running or any other pastime which is near on impossible to interrupt. Then talk a lot about it. So people will assume you are at the pool / on your bike /running or whatever if you don't answer.

I only have a basic phone, it's all I need. No internet, or email. No Facebook, Snapchat, WhatsApp, etc. It's fine. I use it for texting or phoning, that's it. I'm not allowed to use it at work, and I turn it off at night. So there's only a limited amount of time in which it's on. You're not obliged to have a phone at all.

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I don't respond immediately but some people really take offense.

I had a friend who'd just repeatedly send the same message over and over until you replied to it.

I think it's far ruder to expect someone to respond as soon as you've messaged them, tbh.

I think it's bloody rude of people to expect that just because they've sent you a message, you'll drop everything to reply.

Well, OP, their is a forum where a significant number of people think it's rude to knock on somebody's door without giving a week's notice, and a phone call is an unwarranted intrusion so I think you have probably found your people.

But yes it is rude to read a text and ignore it. Easy to send a quick "holding" reply if it's inconvenient or you don't feel like replying in full just then.

Well, whilst I don't expect instant replies to messages, I do also have friends who don't reply to messages for a few days, and it is a bit annoying to be honest. Especially if it's something like 'are you free to meet up next Monday'? The number of times I've just not got replies to messages like this for days and so make other plans, and then the recipient messages me on the day with 'are we still meeting up today?' as though I should have known through the power of telepathy that they did actually want to meet up. Would it really be that hard to have just replied with a 'yeah, sounds good, I'll text you Monday morning to sort out the details' if they're busy and can't sort out at the time.

I thought the whole point of Whatsapp etc was that you could have longer drawn out chats that don't require instant response. That's what the phone is for.

With re to texts I think it depends on the content; if they're texting you for some info re an arrangement you have or something then YABU to ignore it. If it's just hi how are you kind of thing, I don't think you have to reply immediately if you aren't in the headspace to do so at that moment.

Seems a wee bit needy to expect instantaneous responses to all messages tbh.

I think it's bloody rude of people to expect that just because they've sent you a message, you'll drop everything to reply

This, YANBU op.

I sometimes get a message when I'm in the middle of something or when I'm out, quickly read it and then make a mental note to reply later when I can concentrate on what's being said to me. Sometimes I forget until a few days later.

Sometimes I'm struggling with my anxiety/depression which sometimes means I can't face making a reply or talking to anyone at that moment.

Sometimes I do reply straight away if the timing is right.

It's not a personal attack on anyone if I don't reply straight away and it's not always intentional for people not to reply.

Just remove yourself from Whatsapp groups if they do your head in. I personally think it is rude not to reply for ages. No one is that busy that it takes days to reply. It's rude.

But there's a difference between "instantaneous" (an unreasonably expectation) and "a few days" (a discourteous delay)

I think it is rude. Of course you needn't reply immediately, but I don't see why it would usually take you several days. If a friend of mine always took many days to reply, I would take it as a hint and off I would fuck. Especially if he/she had time to read my message but not to reply.

Blimey midnightmisssuki that's patronising! I don't "struggle with newer technology", but I don't have social media or feel the need to answer every text instantly either. As PPs have said, if it's urgent, phone me. If not, I'll answer when I answer. Luckily, anyone who texts me feels the same. None of us are that needy.

Posting on a forum board is a totally different situation. There is no expectation whatsoever to be on it at any given time, or to read and answer every thread. No one cares if you don't go on it for months or are on it 24/7. Also, it's anonymous so no necessity for personal social interaction either.

If you have time to read it then you have time to reply and i find it rude when people just can't be arsed to reply for days

It's also rude of them to pester you for a reply constantly though

I'm another one who sometimes doesn't reply for a while! Me and my friends all have young kids, are working around feeding, naptimes, school runs etc so friend wise I have no issues as were all in the same boat except one friend who will send the same message about 3 times if I haven't replied, and my mum who seems to think the world has ended if I miss a call. I make a point of not using my phone unless I really need to while DD is awake, I like to give her my full attention as much as I can and I don't want her to see me looking at a screen every time she looks up. She naps twice a day and goes to bed at six so I catch up then. My phone is also always on silent. My mum moans frequently that I don't answer it, and I suppose it could be argued that I'd be hard to get hold of in an emergency but other than that I don't see the issue. I had a Drs appointment the other day and when I got in the car I had six missed calls from her. I rang her immediately thinking something was wrong and she'd only rung to tell me some random news about someone she works with who I do not know! 🙄 Sometimes i must admit too that I'll read a message and get distracted by something and forget to reply until the next day - I always say sorry when this happens. I have read receipts turned off. The world isn't going to end because I'm not attached to my phone 24/7! YANBU.