To have 'ruined' my best friends life

[tanglewreck]

My two best friends stole my debit card and withdrew money from my card over several days. They were both training in prestigious professional careers.

As soon as I noticed my card gone I contacted the police and when cctv came back I identified my two 'best friends'.

The police arrested them, they admitted guilt due to overwhelming evidence and were found guilty. They were given a suspended sentence but were unable to qualify in their chosen professions as the uni chucked them out and they will never ever work in their chosen profession. Their crimes are 'spent' now but as they got a suspended custodial sentence of two years their criminal record will stay on an enhanced dbs check for the rest of their life. They have lost their chance to work in their dreams jobs and now work in minimum wage menial jobs and will do for the rest of their life, unless they can somehow run their own business of work their way up the career ladder. They will never work with vulnerable people again though.

They have both consistently felt I should have got mad at them, asked for the money back and more but not have gone to the police and ruined their lives. A few people have said since they hadn't committed a crime before, that they'd been good friends previously and had been jealous and stolen the card as a moment of madness. I should have just got double the money back or made an agreement for how much to give back and forget they exists. That it was mean to have gone to the police and showed a lack of compassion, giving them a criminal record for life. They were shocked that I never even discussed anything with them. I'm a very calm person. I don't do angry. I reacted in a calm and collected way. Blocking their numbers and never ever even speaking to them again but I have been shocked that all our mutual friends took their side, thinking what I did was mean.

AIBU to think if you don't want your life ruined and any chance of a career in your dream job destroyed, you shouldn't steal off someone who considered you a friend and you have only yourself to blame?! I feel not an ounce of guilt and never ever will. If you don't want a criminal record. Don't commit a crime. Simple isn't it. AIBU?

I also remember the other thread! But, yanbu

The fact that the theft was from trusted friends makes it much worse in my view not better. I would much rather watch strangers steal from me on CCTV than people I considered to be my friends. I can't imagine how that must feel.

^^ This.

When the person I knew stole off me... the act itself was bad enough, but knowing well the person who did it made it far far worse.

YADNBU They are thieves who can't control their jealousy. They repeatedly stole over several days and even now it seems they have no remorse. If it genuinely was a brief lack of judgement they could have given you the card back the next day, confessed and apologised. By repeating the crime several times over several days they are showing that they either don't care or don't think they are wrong. By their reactions now trying to blame you when you did nothing wrong
They are just proving they are the issue.

Anyone who cannot see how repeated theft is wrong has no place in a job that needs a DVD

Or a dbs cheers autocorrect

You did a very valuable public service. Think of the vulnerable people you saved. They are just bitter.

YANBU. Of course you should have reported them, who is to say they wouldn't have thought, oh great, I've got away with it so I'll do it again. To someone who doesn't know what I did before.

I think asking them to repay double in exchange for not going to the police, sails dangerously close to being blackmail

You did the right thing and lots of people do stupid things when they are young, and go on to have successful careers

I think asking them to repay double in exchange for not going to the police, sails dangerously close to being blackmail.

Plus if they 'had' to steal £1000 (for example), where would they have found £2000 to pay the OP back? Answer: stolen it from some other poor bugger.

The thing that baffles me is the idea that they now cannot do ANY job beyond minimum wage, for the rest of their lives.

That's just not plausible, to me.

If they are intelligent and educated enough to be teachers (or whatever it really is) then they should be able to put those skills to use to find some other career.

'I'm stuck in a minimum wage job FOREVER!!!' makes a better sob story though.

I've read this before.

Being a crappy friend isn't illegal, course it isn't, but the betrayal of it is more far reaching than perhaps that of a stranger.

I've read this before = have you cancelled the cheque

YANBU and the friend feeding you this shit is a bully too. No doubt she'd have colluded at the time, had she known.

To those suggesting OP should have let it go, presumably they'd be happy with such people teaching their children or treating vulnerable people. I know a disgusting man currently practising as a GP who continues to to practise because on paper his behaviour is not criminal. I would absolutely rid the profession of pond life like your former friends the moment they committed a crime. They seem to believe they're entitled to high earnings and status. Fuck them.

Oh and if the thieves had been studying, say, an NVQ in health and social care it would absolutely be the same story - not fit to work with vulnerable people.

There are good reasons that certain careers are barred to people with criminal convictions. There are plenty of other careers reformed thieves can undertake once their convictions are spent - they can do one of those.

I just don't get all the angst on these women's behalf.

‘Show me your friends and I’ll tell you who you are’ ... When I read your pitiless assessment of these women and the Schadenfreude you are relishing, it is sort of obvious why you would have been ‘in’ with them in the first place

What a deeply unpleasant thing to say I've seen no "relish" from OP, only a straightforward account and a wish to check if she's BU. Granted there's been plenty of "serve them right", but that hardly seems unreasonable after such deliberate and sustained deceit, especially as we're told the only motive for it appears to have been downright spite

And how is the effect of what they did "disproportionately negative"? As (presumably) intelligent trainee professionals, shouldn't they have had the wit to work out what the consequences of their free choice might be?

I don't really know what this thing about 10 years ago / seeing it posted from the other side is, and I don't especially care. Posters have answered what seems a genuine question in good faith - and isn't that what the site is supposed to be about?

Exactly, if they had no hangups about stealing from somebody they know, they would not care less about stealing from a vulnerable person, who is not aware of what is going on. It just shows a lack of care or consideration of them, thinking about themselves and the impact on themselves, not other people. You so did the right thing. Please don't feel guilty.

Stealing from a friend???? They aren't friends, if a friend needs money I would lend it to them if I had it. Glad you rang the police the thieves, can't imagine why they would do this, they deserve to have their lives changed utter numpties x

Convictions get spent Vulval. Unless they pick work that requires a DBS no employer will ever have to know this happened in a few years.