To have 'ruined' my best friends life

[tanglewreck]

My two best friends stole my debit card and withdrew money from my card over several days. They were both training in prestigious professional careers.

As soon as I noticed my card gone I contacted the police and when cctv came back I identified my two 'best friends'.

The police arrested them, they admitted guilt due to overwhelming evidence and were found guilty. They were given a suspended sentence but were unable to qualify in their chosen professions as the uni chucked them out and they will never ever work in their chosen profession. Their crimes are 'spent' now but as they got a suspended custodial sentence of two years their criminal record will stay on an enhanced dbs check for the rest of their life. They have lost their chance to work in their dreams jobs and now work in minimum wage menial jobs and will do for the rest of their life, unless they can somehow run their own business of work their way up the career ladder. They will never work with vulnerable people again though.

They have both consistently felt I should have got mad at them, asked for the money back and more but not have gone to the police and ruined their lives. A few people have said since they hadn't committed a crime before, that they'd been good friends previously and had been jealous and stolen the card as a moment of madness. I should have just got double the money back or made an agreement for how much to give back and forget they exists. That it was mean to have gone to the police and showed a lack of compassion, giving them a criminal record for life. They were shocked that I never even discussed anything with them. I'm a very calm person. I don't do angry. I reacted in a calm and collected way. Blocking their numbers and never ever even speaking to them again but I have been shocked that all our mutual friends took their side, thinking what I did was mean.

AIBU to think if you don't want your life ruined and any chance of a career in your dream job destroyed, you shouldn't steal off someone who considered you a friend and you have only yourself to blame?! I feel not an ounce of guilt and never ever will. If you don't want a criminal record. Don't commit a crime. Simple isn't it. AIBU?

Second chance, yes. They can work in lots of jobs.

Working with the vulnerable (and I think OP means as a doctor), no way. You cannot be a thief and ever have unsupervised access to vulnerable people and their possessions. It was repeated, too, so not spur of the moment.

A life not spent as a doctor or teacher is by no means ruined.

They shod have thought about that before committing a crime, tough cheese. Its worse as they are people you thought of as friends. They got what they deserve, your well rid.

They sound like nasty wicked people.

LOL what a couple of eejits!

I remember someone reporting someone at my husband's works once for stealing from the company (about 12 years back,) and they got sacked, and lost their house, their marriage, and many of their friends.

He blamed the man who reported it, and in the end was so resentful that he set fire to his house. Ended up with a conviction for arson, and a 10 year sentence for it.

It was all the man's fault apparently (who reported him.)

Not at ANY POINT, did this man blame himself for being a thieving cunt or an arsonist.

You just can't fix stupid.

You 'friends' are morons. Utter morons. And sociopaths too if they don't see that ANY of this is their fault.

I read the thread before, whilst I did have a shred of sympathy for her I think both those 'friends' sound really entitled. Teaching is competitive and imo a privilege. There are many 23yr old teachers out there that manage not to be theives. Many of us who manage to be law abiding still need to work in minimum wage jobs- what makes them so special?

No op, they have ruined their lives, there is something very wrong in their psyche, whereby their are not taking any responsibility for their actions, and blaming it on you, the bloody cheek. If they have no moral compass, how are they going to influence young minds, as teachers, I would not want them teaching my children. Who is to say, they won't do it again.

You say that before this, they are being not very nice towards you, excluding you. In life, we have choices, they made theirs, now they have to be adults and face the consequences.

Serves them right, horrible thing to do to a friend.

I do think the law/professional requirement is harsh- everyone should get a second chance rather than have one episode of wrongdoing shape the rest of their life with no opportunity to try again

That's what healthcare candidates with convictions used to say to me, but the thing they were forgetting is that there are always plenty of others to choose from who haven't got a record - and being a criminal isn't a protected characteristic (at least not yet )

Oh, and this wasn't "one episode of wrongdoing" but several ...

Your mate posted about this a while ago.

Not unreasonable at all.

Call it justice, call it karma, call it whatever, they had it coming.

Would they have continued if you hadn't reported it? Probably, as it doesn't sound like they had any intention to fess up.

If you caught them taking a fiver from your purse, then I could see why you perhaps would discuss it (and then fuck them off forever!) but from their actions, they knew exactly what they were doing and it was very premeditated!

The consequences are not your problem or concern, but something they must live with because of the choices they made.

And you mentioned it was part of bullying..? Well they definitely deserve everything they got!

Fuck em!

They stole from you and you're the one in the wrong? That is some level of spin. Cheeky fuckers

Yanbu. They ruined their own lives. Dont waste any more precious time thinking about this they are fuckwit cockwombles.

Where is their compassion towards you, they treated you like rubbish, stole consecutively from you, and want you to have compassion and treated them lightly, they have more front than, Niagra falls😱😱😱😱 Frenemy at its best. Wave bye bye to these nasty individuals.

They are thieves! They stole money and deserve everything they get!

Who does that to a friend?

I'm guessing law in that case?
I don't understand why they were stealing from you? It doesn't sound they were in desperate need?

OP, you may not be interested in any previous threads, but regular MNetters clearly recall a thread which it seems very likely to have been posted by one of the people who stole from you.

If I remember rightly they got a pretty hard time on here, were very sorry for what they had done, and painted their victim in a very good light, as someone who didn't hold a grudge. Also on that thread OP added some other details about the incident which made her sound even worse than you have. I have no idea if the incident has been posted about before, but the two threads are very similar.

So you ruined your friends life? No you didn't, your ex-friends ruined their own lives.

But you know that already.

At a practical level I think that it would probably be down to the credit card company whether they wanted to persue fraud charges, rather than the OP. The OP's not identifying the culprits might have led to her being charged with wasting police time.

They deserved all they got. In fact, you could say they got off lightly.

Tangle Dont feel bad. If you hadnt gone to the police and they worked with vulnerable people then what's to stop them from stealing their money? They did it to a so called friend afterall. You saved someone some heartache.

They could have left you in financial shit, so fuck them. Remind your mutual friends to keep their bags and wallets close by.

A lot of therapists have criminal records. Goes with the territory.

I don't get why you were expected to confront them? You didn't know until CCTV shown them doing it?!?

You are not to blame for their ruined careers! X

Not that it relevant, but it must have been a lot of money that they stole as normally for a first time offence they would have received a police caution.

I too can recall the earlier thread, but regardless it is their fault. They made the decision to do it. Your friends should be supporting you NOT blaming you.

Most professions have a strict ethical code which expects you to act with integrity in both your personal and professional life. For example, the accountancy profession has to be build on a basis of trust. Employing a convicted (or even an unconvicted) criminal would jeopardise this. They are the only ones to blame for their actions. If they were stupid enough to engage in criminal behaviour either without considering the consequences of their actions or thinking that it wouldn't matter, they deserved everything they got. Clients are not in the position to ask their advisors about their background, so the professional bodies are expected to weed such people out. The reputation of any profession as a whole must take precedence over an individual who has shown such a poor lack of judgement by undertaking such dishonest behaviour & rightly received a criminal record.

I don't understand why your mutual friends are taking their part either. Why are they doing that?

Very true Babs, they must have stolen a huge amount, or it wasn't a first offence?