To have 'ruined' my best friends life

[tanglewreck]

My two best friends stole my debit card and withdrew money from my card over several days. They were both training in prestigious professional careers.

As soon as I noticed my card gone I contacted the police and when cctv came back I identified my two 'best friends'.

The police arrested them, they admitted guilt due to overwhelming evidence and were found guilty. They were given a suspended sentence but were unable to qualify in their chosen professions as the uni chucked them out and they will never ever work in their chosen profession. Their crimes are 'spent' now but as they got a suspended custodial sentence of two years their criminal record will stay on an enhanced dbs check for the rest of their life. They have lost their chance to work in their dreams jobs and now work in minimum wage menial jobs and will do for the rest of their life, unless they can somehow run their own business of work their way up the career ladder. They will never work with vulnerable people again though.

They have both consistently felt I should have got mad at them, asked for the money back and more but not have gone to the police and ruined their lives. A few people have said since they hadn't committed a crime before, that they'd been good friends previously and had been jealous and stolen the card as a moment of madness. I should have just got double the money back or made an agreement for how much to give back and forget they exists. That it was mean to have gone to the police and showed a lack of compassion, giving them a criminal record for life. They were shocked that I never even discussed anything with them. I'm a very calm person. I don't do angry. I reacted in a calm and collected way. Blocking their numbers and never ever even speaking to them again but I have been shocked that all our mutual friends took their side, thinking what I did was mean.

AIBU to think if you don't want your life ruined and any chance of a career in your dream job destroyed, you shouldn't steal off someone who considered you a friend and you have only yourself to blame?! I feel not an ounce of guilt and never ever will. If you don't want a criminal record. Don't commit a crime. Simple isn't it. AIBU?

They're trying to guilt trip you, serves them right

Friends wouldn't do this to you. I would trust my friends with my house keys and bank cards in full knowledge that they wouldn't rob me. They are not your friends and can therefore fuck right off.

Teaching is prestigious???😲 I have been a teacher for over twenty five years and never knew that!!

Serve them right. If they keep on at you then report them for harassment.

YANBU this wasn't a silly prank. It was theft. Being on track to a prestigious career doesn't make anyone above the law.

The OP from this thread said they weren't teachers, but in a better paid career trajectory...(we guessed lawyers, doctors, could have been actuaries/accountants I suppose). Anyway, they sound not nice and I think I'd cut off anyone who wanted to discuss it further with you quite abruptly, it's none of their business, and given you are not in contact with the people concerned, hopefully this should start to become water under the bridge.

Accountancy, maybe?

I can't imagine you'd get into that profession with a fraud charge on your record.

Ah ok thanks Summer...that makes a WHOLE lot more sense!!!

OP if I were you I would try to forget them!! MY best friend gave me ( that's right - gave, not loaned) the best part of £1000 when I was absolutely desperate! As HER best friend, I paid it all back!! Even though it wasn't expected. Because as best friends we love each other. They were never your friends.

Nope there's no wriggle room in this at all. They are whining and blaming you because they got caught bullying you and stealing from you?! Ffs.

You can't teach people like this ethics or morals. They will continue through life taking what they want when they want, and blaming others all the way. Foul people. So glad they didn't get to become doctors (or similar). People like this can never be trusted. And putting them in a position of power over vulnerable people... not a good thing!

I don't quite understand why you're getting flack for the way the police, cps and the whole legal system proceeded? You can't effect sentencing guidelines, or rip up parts of the legal system in order to get the perpetrators off scot free.

Nope. You have nothing to feel bad about, except the betrayal and nastiness of these so called 'friends'.

Thus is very deja vu - reads exactly the same as a thread by one of the 'friends' who had a career in teaching 'ruined' because of this incident. What a coincidence!!

I'm also struggling with the fact this is identical to the last thread and so close in time to the other one. The odds of this must be millions to one. Not impossible, I grant you.

Op is this a reverse or was the last one?

I am amazed at the number of people who would be able to remain calm and lie to police at the moment of revelation.

My thought process at seeing some hitherto unsuspected friends stealing from me would be a vocalisation along those lines of those fuckers. Thus giving the game away that I might know the thieves in question.

I am amazed that people have the ability, in mere fractions of a second, to think:

1. OMG friends are stealing from me.
2. Should I tell the cops I know them or not?
3. They are stealing from me even though they are my friends, but wait, what can possibly be done?
4. Instead of seeking to use the police and justice system that is basically ingrained in all of us since children I will seek my own vengeance in the name of both justice for me but also a social consideration for them.
5. This is important because even though I can see them in front of me stealing from me I need to think less of the crime being committed against me and more about them and their futures.
6. So I will take reparations in excess of what has been taken from me and thus will not avail myself of the police and their services any longer.
7. I will demand more money than the stole, thus committing the crime of extortion myself but heyho.
8. They can then lead their lives free of the stigma of being theieves because in this few second I have of course realised that this will show up on criminal record checks (who knew committing crimes has consequences?).
9. There for I must now commit the crime of knowingly telling a police officer a lie.

10. Sorry officer, I dont know them.....

Do. Fuck. Off.

Anyone thinking the OP did wrong in this story is a complete idiot and apparent criminal wannabe.

I definitely remember this. Maybe not teachers but it's far too similar.

Strange.

For what it's worth YANBU

They are thieves, why are you still in contact with them?

OP is this a reverse or was the last one?

Why should it be either?

For what it's worth, if I was in your shoes I'd find out who they work for now and write to the management.

I wouldn't be surprised if they've intentionally watched you put your PIN in when withdrawing money from the bank or paying for something when you're out together. It would certainly make it seem like they pre planned this, they didn't just find your PIN written on a bit of paper in your wallet, so they must have found that out first.
Also makes me wonder if they've given some of the cash to, or bought something for, the mutual friends who have sided with them, or if thy were in on it to the point of knowing BEFORE you went to the police, and they could have told you but didn't.

Or even the so called mutual friends are jealous bitches who think because you weren't reliant on the money, you should have just let it go like it was nothing. In cases of being stolen from, it's usually not about the money, it's the betrayal, the broken trust, the lies, that hurt, not how much they took from you, but that they could do it at all.

It's not just me remembering it then

YANBU at all. It's not your fault. You owe them nothing. I see it exactly like certain 'born to rule' types whinging about declining birthrates/less religiosity/the need for immigration etc when much of that is due to demonizing, knocking off and nicking everything from their own populaces in the first place!!

I think you are in the right here completely. The fact that the theft was from trusted friends makes it much worse in my view not better. I would much rather watch strangers steal from me on CCTV than people I considered to be my friends. I can't imagine how that must feel. Their culpability is greater here for this reason alone. To be frank, professions which exclude people who have records for dishonesty do so for a reason and your actions may well have stopped others from being defrauded or taken advantage of further down the line, maybe much more vulnerable people. I applaud your courage in taking the stance you have.

Yanbu,

OP sounds like you have very little to feel guilty about.

Equally, if this is research for an ethics assignment, I think 13 pages of public opinions gives you sufficient material to tick the evidence based research box.

I remember the previous thread from the other pov too.

Your behaviour was fine op. You were stolen from and you followed the proper course of action. They were not your friends.

What I don't get is why you are still obsessing about this so many years later. Posting this narrative, still referring to them as "my two best friends".

Move on. Live your life. Don't let this incident weigh you down for a moment longer.

With their kind of moral compass, they could always go into politics.