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AIBU?

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Original poster

To be upset at having to ask for extra money?

270 replies

PoisonousSmurf · 15/07/2017 12:20

...Otherwise I'd have to use my savings to get the food shopping (again).
I work part time as a cleaner and gardener and earn around £400 a month. My husband pays in £1,000 into my account (we don't have a joint account).
With that I'm expected to pay for all the kids clothes, clubs, school trips, food shopping and pay for my own car tax, fuel and insurance and the electric bill.
So of course by mid month I'm going into my overdraft.
I've not had to ask for extra for months, but he grilled me about WHY?! I'm his wife FFS!
I don't buy new clothes, not had new shoes for ages and I'm not into fashions. Jeans and T-shirt are all I can afford.
In the meantime he has over £10,000 balance on his current account.
He has always been mean with money, but as the kids get older he seems to be worse.
I really don't think I'll be staying with him once the kids are in work and have their own places.
Might as well live alone and on benefits, feels like I'm doing that already.
Do any of you have husbands like this? Mean with money?

OP posts:
Pengggwn · 16/07/2017 10:28

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Isetan · 16/07/2017 10:36

It's difficult to ascertain from your posts if he's tight, you are poor budgeting skills or a combination of both.

The obvious first step is to make a budget because if you needing to use your overdraft on a semi permanent basis, then you either don't have a budget or the one you have, isn't working.

There are websites, apps and even a thread on here that should help you get a handle on your finances because it makes no financial sense to be saving the cb while you are regularly incur bank charges.

Saiman · 16/07/2017 10:42

You don't agree with me that it should be part of any sensible budget? In that case perhaps make that your point, rather than keeping on about the fact that the budgets suggested come in under £1400. I know that. It wasn't the point I was making.

I dont agree that people didnt leave room for her spending/ saving money. They simply didnt label it for 'hairdresser' or 'coffee' because we have no idea what the ops interests are.

You were the one who stated 'oh well, whatever'. So why continue the debate?

Pengggwn · 16/07/2017 10:56

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

LovelyBath77 · 16/07/2017 11:03

Sounds like it would be enough. I transfer £600 a month to my DH from my PIP / ESA and manage on what is left, which is about £800, for all food shopping, school meals, trips etc.

LovelyBath77 · 16/07/2017 11:04

Oh, also he doesn't transfer anything to me, but does pay for some DC stuff as well.

LovelyBath77 · 16/07/2017 11:11

I sat down with DH and we did a budget based on the mortgage, bills, food shopping etc and we deal with that accordingly. Maybe you could do that as well?

notapizzaeater · 16/07/2017 11:15

Have you broken down what you spend it on ?

If it's reasonable than show him why you need more money, how expensive are the kids activities ? Could you earn more ?

HurtyTeeth · 16/07/2017 11:21

OP sooo hasn't got the reception she intended when starting this thread.

PoisonousSmurf, don't be elusive. Come back and lay out everything clearly because until you do, we're all speculating between ourselves as to why you burn through money like no tomorrow.

LovelyBath77 · 16/07/2017 11:28

What about your earnings is that on top of this money too? Who pays things like the mortgage / rent, council tax water bills etc, do you cover that as well? I guess it depends how much each of you have left at the end of the month. But in our case even with me just having PIP / ESA it ends up in our case with me transferring to him, and having around £800 to cover food / general household expenses/trips and school meals.

LovelyBath77 · 16/07/2017 11:32

With £800 a month I have still managed to pay off over half of DS's ski trip next year which is around £700, by putting a bit by over several months. So don't see how with the money the OP has they are struggling Hmm

KatharinaRosalie · 16/07/2017 12:06

it really doesn't matter that someone else can feed a family of 12 on 2 pennies and a bean. If the amount of money OP has is reasonable share entirely depends on her family income and expenses.

Bluntness100 · 16/07/2017 12:17

Surely as a cuple with DC they should be sharing money/responsibilities

Not if one partner is terrible with money and a total spendaholic. The op blows a hundred quid a day. The husband is clearly prudent With money as he earns less than 50 k a year as they get child benefit. So he's obviously saved money.

This is a relatively average income family when you take combined salaries and where one person spends a hundred quid a day. I suspect he is right not to have a joint account and give her full access.

So no I don't think necessarily a couple with children should share money if one of those two cannot act in the interests of the family and will just blow it all.

indigox · 16/07/2017 12:51

Honestly if you can get through £1400 in two weeks, and spend £50 a week getting to a job that pays £100 it seems you have no concept of finances or spending, your DH is probably limiting you to an allowance for good reason, you'd drive the family into debt.

salemcat · 16/07/2017 13:25

Wish my DH would give me an allowance rather than free rein, I am shocking with money & will spend & spend, I cant help myself! But, I would struggle to spend that much in 2 weeks unless I was buying my DC new clothes every single week, paying for quite a few clubs weekly etc.

BrieAndChilli · 16/07/2017 15:56

We really need a lot more information
It could be.... my DH gives me £1000 a month....
And
....he earns £2000 a month and out of his £1000 he pays the mortgage, council tax, water, insurance, etcetc meaning he has no money left over for himself

.....he earns £10000 a month and buys himself expensive watches and goes out for posh meals every weekend.

......I spend £100s a month on takeaways and prepackaged food which then gets thrown away as we don't eat it all, I also buy my 2 year old £75 trainers and makes sure my other DD has all the latest fashions.

..... he earns a decent amount but I got us in to loads of debt which we have only just got rid of

..... he's a twat who is emotionally abusive

..... he's a miserly but well meaning man who is saving loads for our retirement but just doesn't see that we need to live today too

MaisyPops · 16/07/2017 16:02

I'm torn on this.

If she spends £1400 by part way through the month when she isn't covering any of the big bills then I'd be wondering where the hell the money is going.

If I had a reasonabke income (remember thdy still qualify for child benefit) and a partner with that type of spending habits then I would also be very wary of giving them access to it for fear it will get frittered away.

It sounds like he's saving for a rainy day and is financially restrained whilst the OP is spending around £100 a day to go through that much in a couple of weeks.

mrsRosaPimento · 16/07/2017 19:00

Get a joint account.

grannytomine · 16/07/2017 19:27

Joint accounts aren't for everyone. We don't have a joint account after 40 years, never had an argument about money. There was a thread on here the other day about a woman lying to her husband about a gym membership as she had promised not to spend above a certain amount. Might suit some wouldn't suit me. I spend my money as I choose, not going to answer to anyone.

mrsRosaPimento · 16/07/2017 20:03

I'm off work with depression and anxiety so I have to have a joint account! I earn nothing. I hate not being able to earn money.

MaisyPops · 16/07/2017 20:09

mrsRosaPimento
Your situation is very different from the OP.

The OP seems quite happy to spend money and thinks she should have access to a bottomless pit when she goes through £1400 in a couple of weeks without paying bills.
I'd happily support DH if he was out of work or unwell or had mental health issues. I'd be annoyed if he was blowing almost a grand and a half on nothing and expecting me to sub him more.

Brittbugs80 · 16/07/2017 20:24

I run out mid month as I have my £450 overdraft outstanding and it gets taken first thing

Once your money is in, can't you then reduce your overdraft each month till it's gone?

LovelyBath77 · 16/07/2017 20:37

It's quite funny to say "if I was on benefits I'd be better off" Em, no, as then would have to cover the mortgage / rent, all bills etc as well.

16middlenames · 16/07/2017 20:47

Not that OP has made much of an appearance but this will be one giant drip feed. Just tell us about your crack habit now OP Wink

grannytomine · 17/07/2017 09:06

mrsRosaPimento it is great if a joint account works for you. In my case even when I was on maternity leave or not working we didn't have a joint account, we worked out what was needed for bills which my husband paid, what was needed for food which he paid into my account, what he needed for petrol which stayed in his account and what was left we split. Every couple is different, what I object to is when people say things like, "have a joint account like every normal couple." I am normal and so is my husband, we just like to have our own accounts.