To be resentful of my difficult child?

[SnackSnackEatAndCrave]

I should probably start by saying that deep down I know IABU... and as with all DC rants, tell everyone how much I love DD despite these feelings. But here goes.

DD is 16 months old. She has been described as "tricky" by healthcare professionals since before she was even born. Other adjectives include "strong willed" "difficult" and "a challenge".
She's not exactly naughty, in that she isn't spiteful or particularly disobedient, but she is antisocial and very dramatic when things aren't going her way. We are also having a few issues with her development not being quite where it "should" be for her age.
HV, GP and nursery all say there's no great cause for concern and believe she is NT, just a little slower in some areas and a bit of a diva. But all agree that she is hard work.

The reason I feel resentful of this is because I work unbelievably hard to be a good parent, and I just feel like I get nothing back. This isn't downing anyone else's parenting but I often put so much effort in that I'm exhausted.
I cook healthy meals from scratch, take her to baby groups and activities, practically work for free so she can go to a lovely daycare, limit TV, no sweets, make sure she gets fresh air and exercise, singing and reading, free and structured play, and I've read countless parenting books, ate like a bloody Saint the whole pregnancy and 13 long months of breastfeeding... Sorry that's a ridiculous list of all the advice I've followed desperately, and it has honestly made no difference whatsoever.

All my friends have happy children (obviously not perfect but smiley and on track developmentally), and think I'm mad for all the hard work I put into parenting when DD is still so tricky and I don't see any benefits. And I feel so sad and resentful that we don't have a happy family like other people when I try so hard.

OP - I have not read all the comments, mostly just yours. But you do sound like you're at the end of your tether. DS was a challenging child. Speech and language delays meant he was often frustrated because he didn't understand what was going on around him and was unable to communicate. He didn't sleep so was often tired too.

My only real advice is to stop reading too many books about what you "SHOULD" be doing. Do what works for you and dd. if she doesn't like play groups and the like, don't take her. She's young enough that she has time to learn about that kind of socialisation later. If certain things make her kick off, where possible, avoid those situations. I used to get so frustrated that DS wouldn't behave like other children - happy to play etc - but once I stopped worrying about it and did what worked for us, we were both happier. He's nearly 7 now and social, friendly and lively. He still has challenges, but certainly choosing not to worry that he wasn't like the other children his age and stopping doing things he didn't like hasn't impacted him negatively at all.

Good luck. You sound exhausted and I feel for you.