Sister doesn't want me to have a baby so I can babysit for her!

[bangingmyheadagainstawall]

Just as the title says, I have 2 children and would love a third but my age and stupid contraception choice is working against me so I've been emotionally toing and froing between wanting one then talking myself out of it, lack of sleep again etc. Anyways at my grans today I mentioned it again hoping to get words of wisdom from her as she raised 11 kids and she said follow your heart and only you can decided etc etc then dropped on me Sister won't be happy as she's hoping you become her child minder when she gives birth. While I'm completely flattered by this I was also a bit miffed as sister knew I wanted another baby of my own and certainly wouldn't want the stress of child minding while I had a young baby myself, I mentioned it to her on the phone today and she said, you've got enough kids plus your old why would you put your body through it, you have one of each so no need to have anymore etc etc then confirmed she wants me to look after her baby so she can go straight back to work. Now I'm having a meltdown again thinking it's unfair of me bringing another one into the world, I maybe am too old, do I want to do all the baby stuff again etc...AIBU to think it's cheeky for her to assume I'd babysit and assume my baby making days were over at the grand age of 34 and a half?

Tbh I am the kind of person that those kind of comment would make my mind up and I would have another. Tell her to piss off unless she is going to pay you.

YANBU

HAHAHA, what a cheeky mare. Tell her that what SHE assumes you will do, and what you will actually do (re childminding) are 2 very different things. You should also do some research on local CM rates and let your sister know what your hourly rate will be.

That should bring back to reality. BTW, the only way 34.5yo is too old for anything, is that it's too old to be giving a shit what a 22yo thinks about you having another DC.

Your sister sounds extremely selfish and very manipulative. Reading through your posts makes it clear in my mind, that she is only thinking of herself and her future. Your future can't be dictated by your sister demanding free childcare. I understand the whole 'we're family' so money isn't something that's even considered. I would never ask my sister pay me, for looking after my nieces but it's something else saying "don't have another baby because you'll be looking after mine!"

Whether you have another baby or not, it's not your responsibility to provide full childcare for your sister's baby. Only offer what your happy with. You can't put your life and wishes on hold to please someelse.

Put yourself and your family first just like your sister is!

I also had my one and only at 38. If you can afford another one and your partner agrees then it's your choice.

Tell her now you aren't doing her childcare before the baby arrives and can be used to manipulate you with it's cuteness!

People seem to be taking this very seriously. I'd have just laughed, and said an ironic "Yeah, right."

Elspeth's answer is spot on. Tell her to fuck off

Also tell her to pay for childcare like everyone else. As for you, follow your heart and make your own decisions that are best for your own family.

I have one of each, both are desperate for another one. Though dd wants another dd and ds wants another ds, so that's not gonna happen not happening anyway

Your sister is a loon

You should say 'Actually I was upset by your comments, and I haven't agreed to childmind your baby - you haven't asked, just assumed. It's our choice whether or not we have another baby. Incase you want a second opinion, I got one online here - you might find it interesting.' Then copy & paste this thread.
What a selfish individual. It just shows when parents spoil a child it doesn't do anyone any favours. Saying she hates having older parents (hardly older!!) probably means she doesn't appreciate them as much as she should. (And I'd probably drop it in convo to them so they don't think the sun shines out of her backside) Good job your mum didn't have a sister like her or she wouldn't be here. Maybe you should tell her that too!
Also you have to think how you would feel if she got past 30 and decided to have a third. Would you regret not having yours? Some people are happy telling others what to do but they won't be around for the consequences.
And for the record I was a mum at 27 and I think from what you've said she's being ridiculous.

FFS !! Is she having a laugh ? 😂

Fgs she's being very unkind. I'm condidering my third at 40- 34 is nothing in the baby making these days! If you want another haveanother (have 5 more if you want!) nothing to do with her.

Is the OP coming back?!

If you don't end up having another child (which should be entirely your choice) and she asks you to look after her child, just tell her 'no, I thought about what you said and I've decided I've not got the energy to look after another baby – and that includes yours.'

Yes you will need a child minder. It will not be me. Good day to you!

Don't be silly. 34 is not old. You do what's best for you otherwise you'll regret it.

I haven't even read any of these comments so maybe I'm gonna put my foot in it by commenting straight away but when I read "the grand old age of 34.5", I laughed. I was almost 35 when I had my first child. How is 34.5 "a grand old age"?? Seriously? You're young and if you want another baby then your age is not a reason to not have one.

If you and DH want another child then make that decision together. You are definitely not too old. Unless you want to look after your sister's baby for free (why would you but that's just my opinion) then the sooner you make that clear to her the better. Otherwise it's going to be your "fault" for suddenly destroying what she will consider her legitimate expectation and you will be made to feel awful / guilted in to complying. Personally I would not even commit to x days a week. What if you are unwell or want a day out without children etc.? Just say No. If you don't want direct confrontation then start drip feeding now about nurseries / child minders / thinking of working part time etc. get her used to the idea. As an analogy my DM made it plain she would not have my DD after school on any set day as she didn't want to be "tied" She would always drop everything for an emergency or particular request. We weren't upset (well a little but quickly got over it) as she had done the same with my DBs children. Everyone's expectations were set and we had time to sort things out.

OP if you have doubts about the nappy stage etc again then why would you want to do it for your Dsis? As you are not a childminder/nursery you would find yourself left holding the baby for unlimited hours. All day for 5 years then before and after school and school holidays for another 10. Go ahead and have your own baby if you can afford to because you'll have the pleasure of parenting your own DC. No doubt your Dsis will be wanting you to help out in emergencies anyway.
Being a nanny or childminder is no substitute for having your own baby
Good luck.

If I decided not to have any more children, I would be going out to work to earn money to support my own family! I would not be looking after someone else's child unpaid so they could earn money?!

OP please do not become her childminder.

Her comments about your other child being pushed aside are actually quite telling. That says to me she will expect you to put your own children in last place in favour of her child. The demands she will put on you will be completely ridiculous. Everything will be expected to revolve around her child as she seems to think it should for her. Woe betide you if your own children have an accident, illness or special event. Then you will be being unfair to her child. Your child should not get x award from school because her child doesn't have one. It's your childs birthday and they are having a party why doesn't my child have a present or get to win the party games, they are being left out it's not fair.

I can't stress enough, do not do this. From your posts you seem to be a people pleaser, it's time to please yourself and if anyone else kicks off it's actually none of their business. If you want to have another child do so, this decision is purely between you and your DH and no one else.

Do what suits you, not what your sister wants to suit her needs

I don't think you have considered these:

• what if she wants to have a second and third? You've mentioned you didn't feel you have the energy to look after two babies, one being yours. How would you deal with having to look after nephews or nieces? Btw, I think it might be easier if both are about similar age with double pram, etc.

• what about your family? What if you want to go on holiday? Is she going to hold you to ransom or allow you to go only on certain dates?

• what if one of your children is sick at home, or you are sick at home? What are her back up plans?

• what if your own kids want to do something that conflicts with her schedule? (I don't remember if you've mentioned their age)

• Having to organise your life around your own child and sacrificing work / meeting with friends / clean clothes / sleep is one thing (and quite satisfying for many), but doing the same on a permanent basis for your sister is definitely not the same. This would be an arrangement that potentially lasts 4-5 years and maybe a minimum of 2-3 years until she can have free funding at nursery. What if she has another child in two years? Will you accept to do childminding for 5-7 years? What about your family? Would you not work at all in the future, even if part time? Or do some hobby, do crafts, go to the gym, spend time with your kids? One thing would be to make some arrangement like looking after baby twice a week, but she arranges childminding / nursery the rest, then if you want holidays or something else comes up, she can try to arrange cover with her other childcare. Don't assume all childcare. I understand the family thing and not charging, but this should not apply to a permanent everyday thing. I don't understand the arrangement between sisters, though, as an obligation.

Your sister needs to grow up, she's taking you for granted and she doesn't care about your family or your family needs.

I have friend who gave birth post 40. All going fine with them! It used to be a thing pre reliable contraception. Happened often back in the day. You are very young at 34 to be considering yourself too old to have a child. And your sister sounds selfish. Stand up for what you want!

I don't really get why you're discussing having another baby with your family, surely that's between you and your husband and none of their damn business. Do you feel you need their validation before you do something important in your life? Did you ask their opinion the last two times you were conceiving? If the answer is yes I'd ask myself why do I always need their thumbs up before I do anything major?!

And tell the sister to get lost 👍