Sister doesn't want me to have a baby so I can babysit for her!

[bangingmyheadagainstawall]

Just as the title says, I have 2 children and would love a third but my age and stupid contraception choice is working against me so I've been emotionally toing and froing between wanting one then talking myself out of it, lack of sleep again etc. Anyways at my grans today I mentioned it again hoping to get words of wisdom from her as she raised 11 kids and she said follow your heart and only you can decided etc etc then dropped on me Sister won't be happy as she's hoping you become her child minder when she gives birth. While I'm completely flattered by this I was also a bit miffed as sister knew I wanted another baby of my own and certainly wouldn't want the stress of child minding while I had a young baby myself, I mentioned it to her on the phone today and she said, you've got enough kids plus your old why would you put your body through it, you have one of each so no need to have anymore etc etc then confirmed she wants me to look after her baby so she can go straight back to work. Now I'm having a meltdown again thinking it's unfair of me bringing another one into the world, I maybe am too old, do I want to do all the baby stuff again etc...AIBU to think it's cheeky for her to assume I'd babysit and assume my baby making days were over at the grand age of 34 and a half?

Tell her no, you are hoping to have another baby, so can't. Cheeky moo.

"Fuck off" would be the appropriate response here.

And considering half the women on here had babies long after 34, you won't get many agreeing you're too old.

Why would you be flattered because someone had assumed you'd look after their baby for them? She hadn't asked you - does she even intend to pay you?

Your sister's childcare arrangements are not your responsibility. You could agree to look after her kids but only if it suited you!!

If you want a 3rd child, then have one! I'd be pretty pissed off at the assumption you'd be available as a childminder tbh. Don't let your sister impact your decision to have another baby. That's only between you and your partner.

Best of luck.

I had my first (and only) child at 38

Don't you dare do anything other than what works for you.

Your sister is either a loon, or she's really crap at jokes.

Wow, she's got some brass (your sister that is). Make it clear you won't be childminding for her now, no matter what your circumstances. That's a nasty trap to get into.

In terms of having more kids, I'd agree with the advice of follow your heart!

Crikey, she has the most enormous cheek. It's solely your (and your DP's) decision. Nothing to do with her childcare needs!

34 1/2?! Bloody hell, I hadn't had either of my 2 DC by then. Of course you're not too old! Cheeky mare!!!!

This is a joke right? OP follow your heart and have another baby, your sister should think of other options in regards to childcare. I think she's being so so selfish!
Don't let this doubt what YOU want either!!

When reading your thread I wasn't expecting you to say you were only 34! That's still very young. I think that is a perfectly fine age to have another child and you are certainly not old. Please don't judge having another kid on what your sister is saying, she is just trying to plant things in your head so she can have a cheap babysitter. I really wouldn't listen to that nonsense, decide whether having a child is right for you and your little family, nobody else! And to answer your question, yes it's very very cheeky!

ElspethFlashman
"Fuck off" would be the appropriate response here.

You beat me to it.

Don't get why your flattered that your 'D'Sis wants to dump her child on you unless you enjoy being a doormat.

I was just coming up for 38 when I had my last DC (and very lovely he is too). My mother was 44 when she had her third. My grandmother had her first at 19 and her 12th at 49! So if you want to, and your fertility plays ball, go for it. "Old" indeed. Hmph.

Or agree to mind her child and then send her a schedule of your rates through the post

To steal parts of the responses from Elspethflasman and Aeroflotgirl...

Fuck off, cheeky moo 😡

1. Your body, your family, your decision. Not your sister's.
2. Her childcare problems are hers, and hers alone, not yours to solve.
3. I had my first baby at 37, second at 41.

Thank you, glad to see I'm not the only one that was miffed I didn't think 34.5 was too old for another my mum gave birth at 38 (to my sis I mentioned) another reason my sister doesn't want me to have another because she hates having old parents now, she think anyone over 30 should be put out to pasture 😳. I was flattered that she thought I was a good enough mam to trust with her baby but not flattered she saw me as free child minding etc. She then text saying she hoped I'm not upset, she just doesn't see the point in me having a baby when she's due hers if I want a baby so much I can just give hers extra love and cuddles. Trying to explain to her that that's her baby not mine, I want to experience pregnancy again, feel the kicks etc. I feel crap because she's really stuck the boot in about dd being pushed to one side for another kid! We never pushed her to one side but obviously a new baby did grab a lot of attention not to the point that my little girl suffered or felt left out though. It's bitchy of her and I really cba with her to argue about it, just feel like if I do get pregnant my husband and I will be the only ones that are happy about it - which I suppose is ok I don't need her validation.

Seriously, someone close the border with Cheeky Fuckerland before any more batshit crazy ladies get out.

It's amazing the logic people will use to push their own self interests.

Has she always been so selfish?

It's getting worse!
You're right- the only people's feelings that need taking into consideration are yours and your husbands. If you both want this and are fortunate enough to be able to then go for it!

I'm just going out to pasture now...

When she said you were too old for another baby I thought you were 50? 38 isn't too old

Sorry 34

Yes very selfish, she is the youngest, spoilt and idolised by our parents she can do no wrong and is a little princess. Don't get me wrong we are normally very close but she has been so horrible about my baby discussions I don't know if she doesn't want the limelight taking off her because her baby wouldn't be the last one if I got pregnant again or if she is just generally up her own arse and is thinking about no one other than herself.

Hang on, this is third hand-possibly an assumption on your gran's side.

Your dsis may not feel that at all. She may well have said something along the lines of "I'm really lucky because dsis said she'll babysit if she doesn't have another baby herself" and gran has put 2 and 2 together to make 576.

Thought you were going to be 46 or 47 after reading your post!

Your sister is massively taking the P assuming you would childmind for her.

I mean, regardless of whether you have another or not what if you just didn't want to?

Thank you everyone for the words of wisdom it is very much appreciated :)

Please make it clear that if you do look after your sisters baby you will expect to be paid the going rate.