Sister doesn't want me to have a baby so I can babysit for her!

[bangingmyheadagainstawall]

Just as the title says, I have 2 children and would love a third but my age and stupid contraception choice is working against me so I've been emotionally toing and froing between wanting one then talking myself out of it, lack of sleep again etc. Anyways at my grans today I mentioned it again hoping to get words of wisdom from her as she raised 11 kids and she said follow your heart and only you can decided etc etc then dropped on me Sister won't be happy as she's hoping you become her child minder when she gives birth. While I'm completely flattered by this I was also a bit miffed as sister knew I wanted another baby of my own and certainly wouldn't want the stress of child minding while I had a young baby myself, I mentioned it to her on the phone today and she said, you've got enough kids plus your old why would you put your body through it, you have one of each so no need to have anymore etc etc then confirmed she wants me to look after her baby so she can go straight back to work. Now I'm having a meltdown again thinking it's unfair of me bringing another one into the world, I maybe am too old, do I want to do all the baby stuff again etc...AIBU to think it's cheeky for her to assume I'd babysit and assume my baby making days were over at the grand age of 34 and a half?

Witchend my sister has told me over the phone that what my gran said was true, she's then ranted about me being to old, think about the impact of the baby being embarrassed by its old parents, I am old compared to her she is only 22 but I adore my children and these days ladies are starting families in 40/50's so to me it isn't a problem.

If I expect to be paid I will be slagged off royally because you don't do that to family!

Why does she even want a baby herself when she can borrow yours? Anyway, she doesn't have to see the point, it's enough that you see the point.

Maybe DD wants another brother or sister, had she thought of that? I found DS1 extremely helpful with bringing up his little siblings, from the age of not quite 2, when he handed me the cotton buds during DS2's bath, to 18, when he carried DS4 on his shoulders around Disneyland. (Maybe not so helpful when getting into fisticuffs with the more feisty DS3.) It was also good practice for when he had his own DC. How selfish to seek to deprive your DD of this experience.

See, there's always another way to look at an argument. I would add "good excuse not to be used as frequent childcare" to the plus points for having your own, which your sister sees as a minus.

The audacity of some people is crazy and especially when it comes from people so close to you. Op do what's right for you and you alone. Your sister is being selfish and should not have made a huge assumption like that. Has she confirmed with work about her return? And was she ever going to ask you had your gran not said anything?

K425 have you had a name change by any chance?

Regardless of the fact that you are still a spring chicken, I'm seriously worried about the childcare arrangements and your sister's attitude to parenting. When is she planning in going back to work? Has she factored in childcare or is this baby to be farmed out for everyone to look after and "love" on her behalf? I'd be livid if someone said to me not to do something as important as having a child because i should be devoting all my time and energy on theirs! I would be very quick to find out what the childcare arrangements are as you could be trapped while she lives a life of Riley at your expense!

I'd be fuming. Bloody cheek including you in HER childminding plans. And no way is 34 old - I'd be telling her to eff off and think about looking after her own baby.

Are you a SAHM? Does she see you as the perfect way to keep her high paying, high flying career going? I think you need to make it clear right away that you are not going to be 'available' and that she needs to make plans that don't include you.

If you want a baby and your partner wants a baby then go for it. Good luck OP.

I'm 34 going on 35 and I plan to have another so don't let age put you off

Your sister sounds nasty and self-absorbed.

I wouldn't childmind for her ever.

IF you do, cash up front!

I was expecting you to say you were mid to late 40s.

Fucking no way you're too old. I had my second one at 37. My chum had her last one at 50!

Carry on with your own plans.

All the best

poor sister's baby with a parent so far up their own arse.

There are two separate issues.

1. Do you have any to have another baby? Stop asking all and sundry and make up your own mind. Stop inviting opinion from people who have should have no opinion on this decision.
2. Your sister wants you to mind her baby when she goes back to work. Do you want to child mind? If you do do you want to be paid or not?

I'd just do what you want and not discuss your reasoning or thought processes with your sister. In fact if it was me I would go so far as not babysitting for her even if I had no more children. I don't like people who assume that everyone else is going to fit in nicely with whatever they have decided will happen. I can't even imagine caring so much about what my sister thought of my life decisions.

Forgot to say ....

And well done to gran for giving you the heads up!

She's 22 and showing her immaturity. Ignore he remarks.
If you and your Dh want another baby, go for it,
I certainly wouldn't be her childminder when her baby comes.

You care that much about what a 22 year old thinks. Oh dear

Sorry for all the extra 'have's

I also assumed you were going to be nearer 40 than 30 !

If you want a third child, go for it ! (Partly regret only having two, but circumstances meant we never got around to no. 3).

Even if you hadn't been pregnant/had a young baby, it's a massive assumption that you would look after her baby. Entitled with a capital E. How pregnant is she? When was she going to spring this upon you?

As others have said, her baby, her responsibility. Don't get guilt tripped into helping her

Your sister sounds a right knob. And you will be the biggest doormat in the world if you put YOUR plans on hold to appease HER.

And not getting paid because "we don't do that to family?" - there's a reason your sister has the attitude she has and I'm assuming it's because nobody has actually told her no.

Be the first OP - you'll feel much better if you do. And stop talking to her about your plans

I'd tell her to fuck off and never offer her childcare again. I'd even make a point of spending a morning drinking coffee somewhere with no children so she gets the point.

She's being an entitled bitch.

Hand I echo the pp, Well Done Granny!

Fuck her !!!
I was 22 on my first, 25 on my second and I'm battling in my head whether to have another one or not now that I'm 31... according to your sis I'm way past that age 😂😂😂
Anyway my point is now that mine are in primary school there is 1 other mum my age everyone else is late 40's.
So most people seem to have children later and you're certainly not too old!!
There's always pros and cons but I would include age into your decision making process.
I'm friends with a good few mum's and we're all the same no matter the age.
To me she sounds desperate for childcare and JEALOUS. Who does she think she is telling you you don't need anymore. Only your heart knows if you need more 😀 do what makes You happy.
My doc said to me " go for it or else you will regret it if it's on your mind now . We see too many women regretting not having had that last child".

Have another baby! I'm the 2nd child of 4 and I can't imagine life without my two younger sisters. My mum was 34 when she had the 4th - even in those days 34 wasn't considered "old" for a mum by any means! Your sister is being an arse.

Blimey, most the mothers I know didn't pop a sprog until they were in their 30s. My mom was 36 when she had me, back in the land before time (ie the 1980s...), and I was 36 when I had my son.

Her behaviour suggests that she's not really mature enough to be a parent!

What the actual fuck. She just decided that you were her free childcare so she didn't have to look after her baby (even when it's really really small, I'm guessing, if she wants to go back straight away)???