Moving into boyfriends house, ok to ask for 10% of the house increasing each year

[User1234567889]

Boyfriend owns his house outright. I'm planning to move in and we will split all the bills 50 / 50. As there is no mortgage there are no housing costs for either of us.

What do you think about asking for 10% of the house in the case that we break up and this going up 5% for every year we live together until it caps off at 50%? No children together yet but I want to be protected and not end up with nothing.

[TeaCake5]

Never read such an entitled post.

[InvisibleKittenAttack]

OP - there may well be more going on that you are aware of. Other people's relationships are rarely as clear cut as they seem from the outside.

It could well suit him fine to have a SAH partner, so he doesn't have to bother himself with any of the domestic side, she'll take over paying half the bills from her part time job, so he'll may have more free time and more spare money each month, but she'll only agree to it if she has some security over her housing, and that seems a fair exchange to him.

It could well be that she's been perfectly happy with the status quo, and it's him that's pushing her to move in and give up one of her 2 jobs and her own home.

It's hard to judge from the outside, as people usually only give you the positive side to what they've decided unless you are super close, even if there's been a lot of haggling going on behind the scenes and it's a compromise deal that they've struck.

[BadLad]

I agree with everybody else.

I think the internet would explode at the outrage if someone posted that her bf was moving into her house and wanted an increasing percentage of it.

[nauticant]

even if there's been a lot of haggling going on behind the scenes and it's a compromise deal that they've struck

She should have pushed for a performance bonus.

[VeryButchyRestingFace]

Scotland:

3. Determining any non-matrimonial property by looking at the individual assets and seeing the circumstances in which they were acquired. Assets owned by either party before the marriage or those gifted or inherited are not matrimonial property

Ya dancing bear! 🐻 🐻

[Whichwayyisup]

This is the maddest most entitled thinking I've heard yet.

[InvisibleKittenAttack]

oh and I know someone who refused to move in with her now DH until they were at least engaged and he'd agreed to set up a joint account, and put her on the deeds of his flat. He earned around £200k a year, she was on under £40k.

Put like that, she sounds so grabby, however, she had a HA flat in a very desirable part of London that she'd got years before and was giving up her 'right to buy' by moving in with him (and probably her chance of ever getting another flat like it). He was terribly old fashioned and was clear he expected her to do the cleaning or organise a cleaner, and also would be expecting her to follow him around the world for his career.

Her view was, her life was sorted after years of it being up in the air, so if she was going to give up her settled life, she wanted security, both of certainity of marriage and access to money if there was a good chance he'd expect her to quit her job to follow him to his next great job role.

He was practical enough to realise he was asking her to give up a lot on just his word, so was happy to put his 'money where his mouth was'. They were engaged and the venue booked before she moved in. Within a year they'd had to move from London to Scotland for his job. 2 DCs later, she is a SAHM and he's doing stupidly long hours in another part of the world, friend and DCs had followed him, having to go build a new life for themselves yet again for his career.

But if you only had her "requirements" presented to you without details of what it would cost her to be with him, it would look like she was a gold-digger, rather than just a woman being practical.

[Giantwhoopsie]

YADBU and unrealistic! I would run a mile from you if you proposed this deal to me.

He's not charging you rent! You're not out of pocket in any way!

Save the money you're not spending on rent! If the relationship doesn't work out you'll have a deposit to buy your own place and if it does work out then buy a place together when the time is right.

Splitting the bills 50/50 is completely different, you will both be using the utilities so you should both pay towards them.

[GherkinSnatch]

There's no set marriage vows in Scotland - there are legal marriage declarations you have to make, first to confirm your identity and then "I Gherkin, do solemnly and sincerely declare, that I know of no legal impediment to my marrying Mr Gherkin" and "I solemnly and sincerely declare that I, Gherkin, accept you, Mr Gherkin, as my lawful wedded husband to the exclusion of all others" . Anything else is optional frill.

[YetAnotherSpartacus]

InvisibleKitten - I totally agree with you. Women do have to be practical and there is often a lot going on behind the scenes that we don't know about. The OP may seem unreasonable, but we don't know what she is giving up, what her / his expectations are, for example.

The case is a little personal to me because I have been made a similar offer - i.e. move into a house owned by a partner and live rent free. My response was 'no' because it would have meant me giving up a well-paying job and income security to move somewhere I did not want to be and with little chance of using my professional quals. Plus, I hated the place. But if I had been younger or desiring to marry / start a family with this man then my thinking may have been completely different (actually it wouldn't, but let's take that as a hypothetical). Here the issue would have been giving it all up to be financially dependent and likely a full or part time SAHP ... in which case I'd have demanded my name on the deeds and a 50/50 split of that property. I don't want to be 'that woman' on the relationship board crying because her DP has found someone with more exciting and vibrating ladyparts and the ability to deepthroat and cook him gourmet meals and she has no place to go, no money of her own and no skills.

[MyPatronusIsAUnicorn]

CAN POSTERS READ THE UPDATES BEFORE COMMENTING!!! THE OP IS NOT THE PERSON IN QUESTION, A FRIEND OF HERS IS DOING THIS, HER PARTNER IS AGREEING AND EVERYONE IS TELLING THE FRIEND WELL DONE ON A GOOD IDEA!!!

[WorraLiberty]

THAT'S THE OP'S FAULT FOR TELLING LIES IN HER OPENING POST. NO NEED TO SHOUT AT THE PEOPLE COMMENTING

[Giantwhoopsie]

MYpatron I haven't got time to read 4 pages and if you read original post she is speaking in first tense! She said "I'm thinking".

I think this is a nonsense post now.

[GinSoakedTwitchyPony]

Seriously, why the fuck can people not just be upfront in their initial post? Why the game playing?

[ExConstance]

Please don't shout!!!!!!

[MoonfaceAndSilky]

My God, she is giving up her job as well? She really is a sponger isn't she? He needs to run....now!

[e1y1]

NOPE!

You're not on/paid anything towards the mortgage - so unless boyfriend offer (he'd be stupid) or you get married, the house is nothing to do with you.

You'll be paying 50/50 on the bills, and considering you live there (rent free too), I'd say that is fair.

[SerfTerf]

Wow what a dripfeed

[nauticant]

I THINK THE REST OF THE THREAD SHOULD BE IN BOLDED CAPS. IT WOULD BE FUNNIER THAT WAY!

[SerfTerf]

OP has backtracked and said it's a reverse @e1y1

That's what @MyPatronusIsAUnicorn is hollering about.

[Whichwayyisup]

HA HA! THIS IS MUCH MORE FUN!

[SerfTerf]

YOU'RE ALL HURTING MY EARS!

[InvisibleKittenAttack]

GinSoaked - see, if it was in the OP that it was a friend, then she'd be asked things like "and what is your friend giving up?" and "are you sure she wants to quit her part time job?" or "could they be trying for a baby?" But by pretending it's her and giving no reason for the demands, she sounds grabby.

There may well be reasons both sides think this is fair, it's just the OP doesn't know about them.

[VeryButchyRestingFace]

"I solemnly and sincerely declare that I, Gherkin, accept you, Mr Gherkin, as my lawful wedded husband to the exclusion of all others" . Anything else is optional frill.

"I solemnly and sincerely declare that I, Gherkin, accept you, Mr Gherkin, as my lawful wedded husband to the exclusion of all my wordly goods and chattel acquired before we put a ring on it."

There. Fixed it for you.

[BadTasteFlump]

OH FFS