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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To troll this wedding dress code, just a bit...

282 replies

badgeronthedrums · 12/07/2017 17:46

Right, I've NC for this (been here since the dark ages) and am going to have to be a bit vague with the details because it's very, very outing and I suspect that some of the other parties are on here.

We've been invited to a wedding and we cannot refuse the invitation, not at all, the kind of thing where the only valid excuse would be being dead. So we said we'd come, DH and I. It turns out that the dress code is black fucking tie.

Now there's a whole other argument about dictating to people in this rather expensive way, but there's also a more practical problem. DH is not a suit person; he does not own one, he did not even wear a jacket to his own wedding. If he hires an outfit, he will look like a waiter. If he buys something, he will never ever wear it again.

I have two questions.

Does he have any choice?

Can the hive mind think creatively and find him something to wear that doesn't cost £700? (he's over 40 and doesn't have an iota of Scottish blood in him). If it was just a little bit annoying this would be even better. I am thinking sequins but he is not.

OP posts:
Thread gallery
10
BadLad · 13/07/2017 04:44

This thread is reminding me of this

To troll this wedding dress code, just a bit...
Iwasjustabouttosaythat · 13/07/2017 05:20

Honestly, he sounds like a 15 year of boy. An irritating one at that. Part of a basic adult social life is dressing appropriately for an occasion. As a guest at a wedding you are there to celebrate and also to help make the day special. Just calm down, try to make it fun, and tell your DH to stop acting like an entitled child.

5moreminutes · 13/07/2017 06:09

The phrase "a chance to dress up" is quite presumptuous when applied universally, as if it's generous to dictate to people... Some people like dressing up, but plenty feel uncomfortable (and I'm not just talking about men). It's on a par with "No children as we want to give you a chance to enjoy yourself" - no children, fine, that's what you want, but person writing the invitation please don't try to patronise by telling me that's for my own good, own the fact it's all about you!

My teen has been told by a close older relative that she may not wear trousers to an upcoming wedding - older relative is not the one getting married, so bollocks to that. Teen does not want "a chance" to wear something that makes her feel uncomfortable and awkward and self conscious all day and evening, and has rightly pointed out that her brothers are allowed to wear trousers!

SouthWindsWesterly · 13/07/2017 06:27

DH bought 2 tux's for our wedding off eBay. Less than a tenner with delivery. Might be a cheaper option

dingdongdigeridoo · 13/07/2017 06:28

When DH had a black tie event I managed to get him a tuxedo jacket and trousers from Tesco's website for £60. Cost about the same as hiring.

eurochick · 13/07/2017 06:51

Olaf, a dinner jacket is what the Americans would call a tux. Usually black, usually worn with black trousers and a white shirt.

fuckwitery · 13/07/2017 09:29

Honestly, he sounds like a 15 year of boy. An irritating one at that. Part of a basic adult social life is dressing appropriately for an occasion. As a guest at a wedding you are there to celebrate and also to help make the day special. Just calm down, try to make it fun, and tell your DH to stop acting like an entitled child.

^^
This

Seriously. I'm amazed at the entitled people who think they are so friggin important. Wear the dress code or don't go.

samG76 · 13/07/2017 09:33

Our (Jewish) wedding was black tie. Most people stuck to the dress code, but some didn't, and no-one cared (least of all us). For men who have the outfit, it's nice to have the chance to wear it, I think.

Spam88 · 13/07/2017 09:47

Unless you think all the men will actually be in tuxes, I think a suit and tie is fine for black tie (even though it isn't actually black tie).

0ccamsRazor · 13/07/2017 09:49

I dare him to wear a dumb and dumber tux
Grin

To troll this wedding dress code, just a bit...
ImogenTubbs · 13/07/2017 09:52

At least it's not morning suits and top hats (I've been to a wedding like that - I got the biggest fucking hat I could find - no one could stand with of three feet of me and the person behind me in the church definitely couldn't see, but the invite specified hats for ladies!)

Good luck OP! Sorry to be unhelpful 😊🙄😬

RhubardGin · 13/07/2017 10:01

Are you and your DH actually two grown functioning adults?

All this palava over a suit. Just hire a suit! It's not rocket science.

I dread to think what you two usually wear to a wedding if this is causing so much confusion.

Or are the type of weddings you go to usually registry office then down the local for a buffet?

colacolaaddict · 13/07/2017 10:17

5moreminutes I couldn't agree more!

InvisibleKittenAttack · 13/07/2017 10:17

IME - people who insist on 'black tie' it's usually because they've got guests coming who don't "get" that standard wedding dress code for men is a lounge suit (normal 'work' type suit), unless otherwise stated that it's a relaxed wedding, you do get people turning up at weddings in jeans and a casual shirt, not really thinking that it's not really smart enough. So by putting in a dress code, even if some people tone it down, they will still look smarter than if they've just got out to dinner at the local pizza express.

Hire a suit, it'll be the cheapest option if he doesn't really wear suits, avoids having something cluttering up your wardrobe he'll never wear again or getting something because it's cheap that doesn't really look good.

Remember if he really hates wearing a jacket that much as soon as he gets through the ceremony he can take it off, he doesn't need to wear a suit jacket all day. (although pop it back on for any formal photos, 5 minutes max!) Keep the bow tie done up until after the meal though.

puddingpen · 13/07/2017 10:20

Haven't read the full thread but M&S do a dinner jacket suit for less than £100 - nowhere near £700 and he can sell it on ebay afterwards as only worn once.

Everanewbie · 13/07/2017 10:21

I think everyone referring to a dinner suit as a tux are unreasonable. Are you all going to baby showers, eating corn dogs and celebrating thanksgiving whilst hoping a hot senior linebacker will ask you to prom? We're in the UK not New Jersey.

There are lots of DJ options, hire, ebay, M&S, Primark, TK Maxx etc. I think evening wear is a touch pretentious for a wedding, but hey, its what they want. If your DH goes in anything other than evening wear the other guests may be nice to your face but will interpret it as either a) unsophisticated b) pathetically rebellious c) a lack of respect for the bride and groom.

Lastly, the worst thing he could do is showing up with a literal black tie in a windsor knot. Whilst you think it might follow the literal dress code, most would interpret that as being completely ignorant of what 'black tie' actually means.

Goodnightsweetheart1 · 13/07/2017 13:16

Rhubarb Gin someone's a stuck up cow on the internet. I'll buffet all over your face.

spottysuperted · 13/07/2017 13:17

Surely this must be an evening wedding? Confused

1SPARKLE178 · 13/07/2017 13:36

In Scotland the kilt is regarded as black tie too. If we got a black tie invite I wouldn't automatically think of hiring a tux, if he wears a nice suit he is not going to stand out like a sore thumb and I would say it would be more than acceptable.

stressedbeyond123 · 13/07/2017 13:49

Next do a fabulous black tie suit for under £100.00 - looks really smart and not at all waiter(ish) :-)

RhubardGin · 13/07/2017 13:57

I'll buffet all over your face

I love a buffet.....at a children's party or BBQ.

Wink
Original poster
badgeronthedrums · 13/07/2017 14:09

Thank you everyone for all the constructive suggestions. Topman sale has coughed up a dinner jacket for £35 which is both interesting and is not going to offend anyone, so the next job is to find trousers on eBay. This is much easier for us than hiring as we're really quite a journey from our nearest place.

Someone upthread said about using tuxedo - I agree, but it works better on internet searches; dinner jacket gets all manner of unrelated bumph, tuxedo cuts to the chase. It's also what a lot of the websites use too.

OP posts:
DappledThings · 13/07/2017 14:09

I've only been to one wedding where they requested "black tie if possible". Just looks really American to me where they have mostly much later in the day ceremonies and all the men are in black tie. I think it looks silly and would resent it if I was invited to a wedding that stipulated it.

But then I've only ever seen one man at amy wedding in jeans. Always otherwise been proper suits or really smart trousers and nice shirt so nobody has needed reminding that dressing up is expected.

waterrat · 13/07/2017 14:12

Being asked to wear black tie to a big do ia within the realms of normal life experiences. I think its sad how much people complain about weddings. Having a big do to go to now and again is part of life's rich tapestry.

RhubardGin · 13/07/2017 14:27

Being asked to wear black tie to a big do ia within the realms of normal life experiences. I think its sad how much people complain about weddings. Having a big do to go to now and again is part of life's rich tapestry

It really is just a MN thing. I've never came across such hostility towards weddings in RL.