Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To troll this wedding dress code, just a bit...

282 replies

badgeronthedrums · 12/07/2017 17:46

Right, I've NC for this (been here since the dark ages) and am going to have to be a bit vague with the details because it's very, very outing and I suspect that some of the other parties are on here.

We've been invited to a wedding and we cannot refuse the invitation, not at all, the kind of thing where the only valid excuse would be being dead. So we said we'd come, DH and I. It turns out that the dress code is black fucking tie.

Now there's a whole other argument about dictating to people in this rather expensive way, but there's also a more practical problem. DH is not a suit person; he does not own one, he did not even wear a jacket to his own wedding. If he hires an outfit, he will look like a waiter. If he buys something, he will never ever wear it again.

I have two questions.

Does he have any choice?

Can the hive mind think creatively and find him something to wear that doesn't cost £700? (he's over 40 and doesn't have an iota of Scottish blood in him). If it was just a little bit annoying this would be even better. I am thinking sequins but he is not.

OP posts:
Thread gallery
10
PearlyPinkNails · 12/07/2017 19:51

Last summer all the cool kids were wearing velvet jackets to black tie proms etc, so there will probably be lots on eBay as they are on to the next thing now Wink

CloserIAmToFine · 12/07/2017 19:52

Our wedding was black tie, although my mom thought we shouldn't have even written it on the invitation because of course everyone would know that an affair starting after 6 pm on a Saturday is black tie. I'm pretty sure everyone we know owns a dark suit at least, so I don't think anyone had to rent. (We are American, if that wasn't obvious.)

sodablackcurrant · 12/07/2017 19:56

Command and control from the B+G just doesn't rock if for me.

We always turn up to events in nice clobber, but if I got an invite that said black tie, I would be the world's worst norovirus sufferer on the day. Sorry about that.

Surely that happens even after the positive RSVP lol.

Slimthistime · 12/07/2017 19:58

OP sorry if I missed it but I'm not clear what the budget is
If it helps, you've posted a pic of a jacket that looks similar to one my friend bought in a chain shop that has a men's section - could it be h&m? - and it was about £20 on a sale rack. My friend was in a similar spot to your husband - well, not with regards to anyone not speaking him if he didn't attend- but he didn't have anything and I think £20 was as good as it gets. He fitted in fine.

I'm planning on wearing a tux if I ever have to attend a wedding again, not sure if that upsets anyone's dress code!

Btw have you considered the benefits of the family never speaking to you again? Wink

scallopsrgreat · 12/07/2017 20:04

Get him to wear a dress. Presumably you won't be going in black tie, but in a dress. Why can't he?

SeamstressfromTreacleMineRoad · 12/07/2017 20:09

When DS got married, all the men in the bridal party wore Nehru jackets with fancy waistcoats and grey striped trousers - and very smart they all looked too...! Smile
We hired them from the independent hire shop in our small town - worth checking to see whether there's anything like that near you OP - who did a fantastic job with really good fitting and service. Cost £69 each.

CloserIAmToFine · 12/07/2017 20:14

I should add to my previous post that we wouldn't have cared at ALL if someone didn't wear black tie. It's a guideline, not a demand. Of course, if someone chose not to come to our wedding for any reason, that would be up to them. 99% of our invitees came though, so I guess it wasn't an issue.

Original poster
badgeronthedrums · 12/07/2017 20:16

cola/appalazian You both speak much sense.

Somewhat to my surprise, I have a very wonderful dress that I bought for a party earlier this year. I did already have a skirt, but then got drunk and went clothes shopping so now have a totally ridiculous but wonderful outfit which swirls magnificently and florally.

OP posts:
Sisinisawa · 12/07/2017 20:17

Oh my goodness op just get over yourself and hire a suit for him. Yabvu.
It's a fairly standard dress code and a chance to dress up.

Original poster
badgeronthedrums · 12/07/2017 20:19

Hurtle thanks for the links. The tweed ones are pretty cool, perhaps if someone in our particular corner of the sticks hires them out...

OP posts:
Inertia · 12/07/2017 20:19

I'm thinking that your DH needs to enlist Minister and RubbishMantra as his personal shoppers.

Savelli · 12/07/2017 20:28

We went to a black tie wedding recently and DH doesn't have a tux and didn't want the expense of hiring one when he has a beautiful bespoke navy suit so he just wore that instead. No one batted an eyelid (he texted the groom first to check who said it was fine) and quite a few of the guests weren't in traditional black tie.

Ivory200 · 12/07/2017 20:35

OP yes I do, lots of my younger friends do this, a decent black suit is always handy for the odd formal occasions which arise, and most people won't be scrutinising him to check if he has satin facings on the lapels, etc. Much more cost effective, if he's not really a suit person. Will probably last him a lifetime!

Minkyfluffster · 12/07/2017 20:56

Its a black tie event so you do black tie. Ask around, DH has a DJ you could borrow but you are not south. Charity shops or hires are a good option.

MaisyPops · 12/07/2017 21:00

It's interesting that so many posters have said that 'black tie' often just means men wearing a suit like a normal lounge suit.
If that's the case, can people stop trying to blow smoke up their arses by stating black tie on invitations in a bid to sound socially superior to get their lovely photos that make themselves seem fancy

Black tie is a type of event with certain expectations. The dress code emerges from that type of event. If they are not hosting a full black tie event and then still expect guests to dress a certain way then the hosts just come across as silly.

Andtheresaw · 12/07/2017 21:39

Great news that you have a frock which fits the brief and you love.
Your DH: is uncomfortable in a suit but is he comfortable to stand out? The most comfortable place to be for most folk is the middle of a crowd if they don't want to stand out...in which case get a second hand or inexpensive DJ and do it. If he is comfortable to make the alternative hipster velvet jacket statement then great....but he will stand out, whereas in plain black tie he will blend in.

olaflikeswarmhugs · 12/07/2017 21:48

Do people not always wear a suit to a wedding ? I'm scottish and we would normally have the wedding party in kilts plus anyone else who wanted to wear one. And everyone else in suits.

emma8t4 · 12/07/2017 21:50

I've been to a few black tie do's and you can definitely get away with a nice suit.

olaflikeswarmhugs · 12/07/2017 21:50

Also is a dinner jacket just the same as a suit jacket ? 😳

TentUpFirstBunkUpLater · 12/07/2017 21:53

Hire a kilt - he will look the dogs bollocks.

TentUpFirstBunkUpLater · 12/07/2017 21:57

Sorry, when my husband has done this - he did for our wedding, they hire you the whole kit and kaboodle
He always looks amazing - as does every guest that wears one.

Totally better than the black tie jacket and trousers business

spottysuperted · 12/07/2017 22:07

Are you invited to the evening only? Black tie in the day time would be v unusual wrong

TheSmallClangerWhistlesAgain · 12/07/2017 22:20

DH was discussing this with my brother the other day. DB likes wearing suits and owns several - he doesn't like hiring for that reason. Black tie for him means a nice tailored suit with a shirt and bow tie. DH isn't really a dressy-uppy person in the traditional sense, but does like clothes in his own way. His idea of black tie is some sort of smart black outfit involving a jacket, probably a silk shirt and a matching tie. This makes him look a bit like a Duracell battery because he's ginger, but he gets away with it.

A male friend of mine from university is the master of "black tie alternatives", the most memorable being a velvet suit, scoop neck t-shirt and a pashmina. It does help that he is a) a camp gay guy and b) rail thin and handsome.

Black tie weddings are vv pretentious in the UK (I understand it's quite normal in the US).

OlennasWimple · 12/07/2017 22:28

Doesn't pretty much every man look better in a well fitting tux? It's not like tails, which look great on some men and terrible on others.

I think he can skip the cummerbund and wing tip collar for a day event but otherwise it's just a standard black tux and trousers, white shirt and bow tie, surely? No need for drama