To troll this wedding dress code, just a bit...

[badgeronthedrums]

Right, I've NC for this (been here since the dark ages) and am going to have to be a bit vague with the details because it's very, very outing and I suspect that some of the other parties are on here.

We've been invited to a wedding and we cannot refuse the invitation, not at all, the kind of thing where the only valid excuse would be being dead. So we said we'd come, DH and I. It turns out that the dress code is black fucking tie.

Now there's a whole other argument about dictating to people in this rather expensive way, but there's also a more practical problem. DH is not a suit person; he does not own one, he did not even wear a jacket to his own wedding. If he hires an outfit, he will look like a waiter. If he buys something, he will never ever wear it again.

I have two questions.

Does he have any choice?

Can the hive mind think creatively and find him something to wear that doesn't cost £700? (he's over 40 and doesn't have an iota of Scottish blood in him). If it was just a little bit annoying this would be even better. I am thinking sequins but he is not.

DH needed to replace his old tux due to growing out of his fabulous-quality bespoke suit. I tried all the usual places and the tux he looked and felt best in was one from Matalan, beautifully made and very reasonable - that was 3 years ago and it still looks great, and it was cheaper than hiring one - bargain (and he looks like James Bond in it!)

Hire/charity shop/eBay. Don't be a grouch, it's their day and it's what they want so jump on board or don't go.

I had a masked ball for my fortieth, all the ladies who came wore ball gowns and masks, most of which had come from eBay or the charity shop for less that twenty quid.

I'm struggling to understand how one particular man is going to look more like a waiter than all the other identically dressed men who will be there. Does he have the face of a waiter? Is there such a thing as Waiter's Face?

You neeed to read this. Personally I never go anywhere without consulting Debrettes. Well except Tesco of course.

www.debretts.com/expertise/etiquette/dress-codes/black-tie/

Designer outlet? Buy off eBay and take to a seamstress to tailor?

Also my DP gets lovely ones around £300 from TM Lewin

Hassled,

"Is there such a thing as Waiter's Face?"

Basil Fawlty thinks so.

That's what I thought of as well zuzu

The quintessential waiter.

OP a black suit is always handy (funerals as well as black tie!) it doesn't sound unreasonable but they may be because a. We are thinking of doing it LOL and b. I've seen so many outrageous wedding demands this one pales in comparison now but it's all relative to you - I'd rather chew my arm off that do fancy dress. If you want to do something a bit cheaper as it won't get much use it might be worth trying ASOS? Next always do lovely men's suits. Enjoy! :)

Black tie during the day?? Are they American? V unusual.

We had a black tie type thing at our wedding. I wouldn't call it a dress code as it was entirely optional, it was just a way of letting our guests know that they could dress up in evening wear without feeling overdressed. We had a late afternoon winter wedding so it was dark....would have seemed a bit out of place on a sunny afternoon. Not every man wore a dinner jacket (which was fine) but everyone looked very smart.

Throw a last minute sickie?

You can get one in asda for £71 but that's not including short and tie. Isnt it fun to dress up occasionally? do you not find hubby sexy in a suit. My OH won't Wear Anything Other Than Jeans.... A Suit Would Make A Nice Change TBH

Black tie during the day?? Are they American? V unusual

A massive fucking faux Pas to insist on dinner jackets for a daytime events. Americans have an excuse, they know no better. Ignore this idiotic and crass dress code. If you feel you must play ball, get an ordinary black lounge suit with a white shirt and then change into a black tie for the evening. A dark lounge suit is always handy to have for funerals.

The dress code is fine. He can buy, hire or charity shop. Or don't go if you're that peeved.

Could your dh borrow a suit from a brother/friend?

I don't think black tie is too outlandish. Although never had an invitation like that. Very weird to dictate clothing to adults. Who really gives a fuck

Of course it's okay it's their wedding

Hang on a minute! The OP hasn't said it's daytime. Evening wedding could be the reason for the black tie. Agree though if it's a daytime wedding that would be very odd.

Also black tie does not mean bow-tie

If it was a ridiculously eccentric dress code then I'd agree with you, but formal wear is standard for weddings, surely?

It doesn't have to be expensive either - you can get suits from Primark nowadays. Suits are also good to have handy for funerals / Christenings / job interviews / business meetings etc.

Unless you have a wish to fall out with the bride and groom, I'd imagine you have three options: hire, buy, or not go. It's just one day. I'm sure your DH can stand to "look like a waiter" for one day. Hell I worked as a waitress for several years and I can promise you that he will survive this horrific ordeal of temporarily looking like waiting staff.

To be quite honest I'm astonished anyone would have to be asked to turn up to a wedding in smart dress. It's just what you do! You wouldn't (I hope) rock up to a funeral in a tshirt and flip flops (unless of course there is a specified dress code). Some things in life you just dress formally for and weddings are one of them, unless explicitly asked otherwise.

I agree the black tie request is a touch odd if it's a daytime affair. Morning suits are more appropriate during the day, black tie for the evening. But it's still not what I'd call an outrageous demand.

Argh! To quote my Dad "Americans wear tuexedo's, English gentlemen wear dinner jackets, decribed as black tie."

1, call it what it is.

1. Hire or buy. Anything else and he'd look ridiculous. Men all wear the same so the glamor and variety is for the women.

Black tie dress code for women prescribes a cocktail dress of some form. It's an indication of the style of the party. (Though with women you do have to try and work out just how glam it is!) Anything else and men just look like and arsehole who can't be bothered.

It's their special day and they have chosen their theme. Go or don't go. But go appropriately dressed. It would be rude to be militant about your attire. Be honest about why if you don't go.

Just take him.

Hire.

He sounds rather childish and vain. I think it's great that theyre forcing men out of their 'quirky' navy suit and brown shoes wedding gear.