To troll this wedding dress code, just a bit...

[badgeronthedrums]

Right, I've NC for this (been here since the dark ages) and am going to have to be a bit vague with the details because it's very, very outing and I suspect that some of the other parties are on here.

We've been invited to a wedding and we cannot refuse the invitation, not at all, the kind of thing where the only valid excuse would be being dead. So we said we'd come, DH and I. It turns out that the dress code is black fucking tie.

Now there's a whole other argument about dictating to people in this rather expensive way, but there's also a more practical problem. DH is not a suit person; he does not own one, he did not even wear a jacket to his own wedding. If he hires an outfit, he will look like a waiter. If he buys something, he will never ever wear it again.

I have two questions.

Does he have any choice?

Can the hive mind think creatively and find him something to wear that doesn't cost £700? (he's over 40 and doesn't have an iota of Scottish blood in him). If it was just a little bit annoying this would be even better. I am thinking sequins but he is not.

The only wedding I've ever been invited to where they specified a dress code is an upcoming wedding- the bride's sister's husband is "not a suit person" and at their brother's wedding had worn his only "smart" outfit- chinos and a very vibrant floral shirt at a December wedding in the Highlands.

Yes, the photos are and were important. The amount of comments they got about "who is that dude in the family photo!?" was unreal.

I'm half wondering if you have a brother and a sister.....

DJ or lounge suit is standard depending on venue

Just get an appropriate outfit on eBay and sell it again once worn.

What would he wear to a funeral?

I didn't say he was going to ignore the dress code, and perhaps troll is a bit strong (it's the word we've been using at home but perhaps doesn't translate that well). Shall we say tease?

This is one of those weddings that is being taken very very seriously by the people concerned, for months and months beforehand, and so while I am very happy to go along, I do think that the seriousness deserves a bit of teasing, and if I am honest, I think the months of going on about it have rather jaded me.

Also, daemon, it could go the other way round. I might think that the people who invited us don't like us that much, because they are more concerned that we look exactly right than that we are there and comfortable and celebrating.

I am surprised at avoiding the tux..sure a well groomed man looks fine in a tux, but a rough man in a tux is bone-jumpingly sexy
I'm not saying your dh is rough op, but you haven't said why he won't suit one, and if you haven't seen him in one it's very hard to judge what the effect will be.

NotJessica. Ha! We were not ever at a wedding in the highlands, and DH can do better than chinos.

have answered the funeral thing above, but : I can answer that question as his father died last year: black wool trousers, dark shirt, black v-neck sweater, v smart dark overcoat.

I also have a DH who doesn't wear suits. But also refuses to be dictated what to wear by others.

Family wedding.... He wore smart black trousers and a shirt. No tie. No jacket.
No one said a word.

I have some friends that don't do black tie and manage to put their own spin on it.

One wore a rather shabby suit with a fabulous black tie with silver stars on (literally a tie not a dickie bow so he said it was his black tie!)

And another who goes for some random country pimp look - tweed suit with cravat and cane - quite unique it he pulls it off.

I don't think you have to stick to traditional in this day and age but do make an effort.

Wow. Most people do take their own wedding pretty seriously. It would be weird if they didn't.

You don't like them much do you?

This is my vote that has been vetoed (and it costs a fortune anyway)

My partner isn't a suit kind of man, but I facilitate him wearing things that fit the dress code. Partly because it's really uncomfortable to look like you're at a completely different kind of event to everyone else, partly because he looks really hot when he's suited and booted.

He's actually got more keen since we got him a properly nice dress shirt, in a dark colour, and ensured he never ever wears single breasted anything :). I think he assumed there's only one way of doing tailoring. Small details make a difference.The dark coloured shirt is his maintaining some sense of his usual dress code. We also have to be careful when hiring/ buying not to make him look like a bouncer. He's usually very quickly down to shirt tails and no tie so his comfort is only compromised for an hour or so.

My tip is just do the dress code, invest in a nice dress shirt (with cufflinks!) and hire the suit. We had good results from just turning up in slaters, telling them what we were looking for and that we hated shopping so please could they help. Ours wasn't black tie so got shoes, suit, belt, the lot.

I just can't imagine what circumstances there are why you just can't send a polite 'regret unable to attend' to the wedding. Even if you think the Bride and Groom will never speak to you again, as you obviously don't care for them that much, does it really matter? .

I do like them, I just think the whole thing is a bit over the top.

I did not take my own wedding v seriously at all, the one bridesmaid chose her own dress, I did my own hair and makeup and the main thing was having a lovely meal with people we cared about.

That looks like a dinner suit to me, which is not ideal if you're there for the day too.

But black tie means dinner suit? At least that's what I understood? Have I got this wrong? This makes a big difference...

We've been in this spot.

Cheapest way we found was for DH to buy a tux off ebay. It cost about £60, I think, and was fairly decent. We then sold it on again. All in all, I think it cost us about £40.

Well good for you OP. Not everyone is like you though, as you've probably realised.

It does mean dinner suit but it's not 1988.... people do go a bit more adventurous....

Anyway, lots of people have given you good and similar advice and you don't really seem interested.

Black tie does mean dinner suit.

Not sure what reetgood is on about

Yeah sorry @badgeronthedrums it does mean dinner suit (which I find weird at a day do, it's for evenings!). But it can mean a variation on tux.... was the velvet vetoed? I'd go for tux but work a midnight blue shirt or similar

Jewish and Irish weddings are mostly black tie. In a way it makes it easier for the men to dress. I got my husband a £20 tux of Ebay.

Dress codes are common for all sorts of event, and yes, you should suck it up and hire something if you go. Probably v few people feel fully at ease in black tie, so you DH is not the only one, and its not really all about him, its about the couple getting married. Weddings are about dressing up, ceremony, special food, its a celebration, so its understandable that they want people to look smart.
Most adults can cope with a dress code for a few hours, I don't really get why he thinks its so hard (or why he thinks he's the only one who doesn't wear black tie normally...unless all his mates happen to be waiters!).

If you like the people who get married and it is important to them, then why can't your husband wear something that's not exactly his style for one evening?

I'd usually say smart trousers and shirt is okay, but if they specify a dresscode, then it is quite probable all men will be dressed like that.

Your husband might look more like a waiter if he wears something different from it!

Wear whatever he wants, as long as he has a black tie. Go LITERAL!

Oh lord no at that jacket OP those shiny lapels are hideous.

Is he the type that would suit a slim/skinny fit suit? They look far less 'waiter-ish' if that's what he's worrying about.

Perhaps he could get away with smart trousers, shirt/tie and waistcoat instead of a jacket if the weather is warm?