To troll this wedding dress code, just a bit...

[badgeronthedrums]

Right, I've NC for this (been here since the dark ages) and am going to have to be a bit vague with the details because it's very, very outing and I suspect that some of the other parties are on here.

We've been invited to a wedding and we cannot refuse the invitation, not at all, the kind of thing where the only valid excuse would be being dead. So we said we'd come, DH and I. It turns out that the dress code is black fucking tie.

Now there's a whole other argument about dictating to people in this rather expensive way, but there's also a more practical problem. DH is not a suit person; he does not own one, he did not even wear a jacket to his own wedding. If he hires an outfit, he will look like a waiter. If he buys something, he will never ever wear it again.

I have two questions.

Does he have any choice?

Can the hive mind think creatively and find him something to wear that doesn't cost £700? (he's over 40 and doesn't have an iota of Scottish blood in him). If it was just a little bit annoying this would be even better. I am thinking sequins but he is not.

It is absurd to set a mandatory dress code for a wedding. To make it black tie is ridiculous. I think all this "their wedding, their rules" business is utter bollocks if it comes to that. You should take your guests' preferences into account: it's a wedding, not a different sort of party where people can just choose not to come if they don't like the dress code.

I would look for something in a charity shop/ ebay too, depending on how much time you have. Velvet jacket is a great idea if he is not comfy in a dinner jacket.

It is absurd to set a mandatory dress code for a wedding.

Is it? The dress code isn't mandatory, they rarely ever are, the hosts inform you of the dress code as a courtesy so you don't look like an eedjit when you show up under or over dressed.

I always thought dress code was for general advice purposes so people knew what the majority of guests were going to be wearing, not a royal decree where infringement resulted in being sent to wedding jail (being put into a cage kept under the top table and pelted with champagne corks).

I like to know dress codes as I feel uncomfortable being over or under dressed for an occasion. If you are happy to be wearing business casual or beach ready when everyone else is in tiaras and bow ties, have at it. Honestly I doubt anyone will mind at all.

James Bond suit

It is absurd to set a mandatory dress code for a wedding. To make it black tie is ridiculous

In that case you decline the invitation? As is so often said here, it is an invitation, not a summons.

X-post there.

Oh black tie dress code, no one will care as long as DH is in a smart suit. Didn't actually have to be a tux.

My sister's recent wedding had a very swish friend of ours in black tie. Three piece black and grey plaid jacket and pants, and waistcoat, grey shirt, black bow tie and shoes. Was ace.

Failing that, channel Capaldi's Dr, and wear a frock coat.

It is absurd to set a mandatory dress code for a wedding

not only it's not absurd, but it makes life so much easier for guests than having to guess what on earth they are supposed to wear. In extreme cases, it's obvious, but most of the time not so much.

I went to a "white" wedding once. Not ideal as I didn't any white dress (usually unsuitable for a wedding!), but it was a struggle to find a decent outfit for DH

could you pretend to be scottish & do the kilt?
SO sexy

Velvet jacket is increasingly sounding like the best option, I think. There is a chance he might wear that afterwards. We're at the other end of the country from Edinburgh though.

grumpy I can answer that question as his father died last year: black wool trousers, dark shirt, black v-neck sweater, v smart dark overcoat.

And sadly if I divulge why we can't turn the invite down, I will out myself so thoroughly that I might as well type my real name in and send the link to the rest of the family...

Oh, and I can count the party invites I've been to with dress codes on the fingers of one hand, and they were all fancy dress. The last big party I went to was a weekend's camping.

OK - if the hosts think you are going to look stupid (e.g. if you don't wear a tie because it's at a venue where all the men will be wearing ties), then it's polite to inform your guests. But dress codes, which imply an obligation upon the guest to comply or not attend, are not best fitted to weddings imo. I don't understand why people want to have a wedding where guests have to spend tonnes extra on a DJ - few people I know could attend this wedding without considerable expense, what's the point of that?

M&S black tie outfits are great value for money. DH needed an outfit for work. It looked amazing for the money.

Failing that, channel Capaldi's Dr, and wear a frock coat.

Now you are talking. This is right for so very many reasons.

It is absurd to set a mandatory dress code for a wedding.

There is no mandatory dress codes for weddings. It's not like the bride and groom are going to issue verbal and written warnings for guests who aren't appropriately dressed or evict them from the ceremony.

If that has happened to you, please share, because that would be absolutely hilarious.

"I am thinking sequins but he is not"

Ah, but could these spangled MC Hammer drop crotch dancing trousers change his mind though?

A dinner suit is about the cheapest suit you can buy. Get one at M&S. You could eBay it subsequently.

Go Steampunk.

www.historicalemporium.com/store/mens-coats.php

It's pretty clear you don't want go to this wedding OP. You don't seem to like the people who have invited you, and you are going in bad grace, to troll their wedding. So why not decline the invitation so that they can fill your spaces with people who will be more gracious, and who actually want to be there?

As others have said, a 'dress code' isn't mandatory, more just a guide so you know how dressy or not dressy to go. If your OH turns up in chinos and a flowery shirt I doubt he'd be denied entry, he might just look a bit foolish.

I find it odd that you want to go out of your way to try and get one over on their dress code, though. If you have received a life or death invite I'd assume you're important to the bride and groom- this seems mean spirited.

phwoarrr, men in suits....

as you were......

Oh- black tie dress code. Not that unusual, rent or borrow.

I thought it was vicars and tarts or at least Alice in Wonderland.

Charity shop, hire or eBay as others have said. Why would he want to deliberately make a point on someone's wedding day by ignoring the dress code? He may find that he actually enjoys making the effort!

www.oxfam.org.uk/shop/mens-clothing/suits-and-tailoring

Loads of charity shops sell dinner suits, or look at charity shops on-line.

I quite like Dev Patel's

www.google.co.uk/amp/www.esquire.com/style/mens-fashion/news/gmp3257/best-dressed-men-2017-oscars/