To troll this wedding dress code, just a bit...

[badgeronthedrums]

Right, I've NC for this (been here since the dark ages) and am going to have to be a bit vague with the details because it's very, very outing and I suspect that some of the other parties are on here.

We've been invited to a wedding and we cannot refuse the invitation, not at all, the kind of thing where the only valid excuse would be being dead. So we said we'd come, DH and I. It turns out that the dress code is black fucking tie.

Now there's a whole other argument about dictating to people in this rather expensive way, but there's also a more practical problem. DH is not a suit person; he does not own one, he did not even wear a jacket to his own wedding. If he hires an outfit, he will look like a waiter. If he buys something, he will never ever wear it again.

I have two questions.

Does he have any choice?

Can the hive mind think creatively and find him something to wear that doesn't cost £700? (he's over 40 and doesn't have an iota of Scottish blood in him). If it was just a little bit annoying this would be even better. I am thinking sequins but he is not.

DH got one in TK Maxx for about £90, and it was far better than the hire choices. It's hung in his wardrobe unworn ever since but we had to get it for a family "ball" that wasn't really a choice to not attend.

At least it's not fancy fucking dress!
Suck it up and buy a cheap charity shop tux.

Groupie Really? This is the first wedding I have ever been to with a dress code (and I've done a few in my time)

Velvet jackets - yes that would do very well. Any good leads for those?

I would suggest hiring a suitable suit & funking it up a bit with a favourite shirt. That way it's kind of in-keeping with the black tie theme, but he's still being himself & can take the jacket off & relax as the event goes on.

Do you have a slaters? Dh got a tux from there this year for £69 inc alterations.

Londonmummy That would be great if we could match trousers. Perhaps he could hire one like that? It's sort of what we were looking for, something that he would be more comfortable in but which isn't teasing them too much...

Right, I've started this at totally the wrong time, and now have to go and cook tea, but I will return.

Most men pretend that they are James Bond when they wear a tux.

We have the exact same issue... Solved it by saying, "I will wear what I want!" Yikes no jacket or tie. Just a shirt and trousers.

I went to a wedding once where all of the men on the brides side went in morning tails and all of the men on grooms in lounge suits - awkward as the majority of guests on grooms side owned morning suits anyway. So there are good reasons for specifying dress code.

DH usually gets asked to play the organ for friends' weddings so he gets away with a cassock over shorts and a t shirt until the reception.... so you could just ask the local vicar for a loan [big grin]

Try eBay for suits. There were tons on there, all sizes. After wedding put it straight back on

Black tie at weddings is very normal, and in most circles not that hard given the ease with which you can follow it tbh. There are hire shops everywhere, it isn't overly prescriptive so you would be rather churlish to not 'suck it up'.

should have been

I'm.more curious as to why you can't say no to the invite?!

But I second eBay and charity shops. We have a St Giles charity shop that sells second hand wedding dresses and suits, don't know if you have one of those near you?

It's their wedding. They can do what they like. I find it very odd you should take such an objection to a dress code. What about parties? Do you ignore the dress code then?

I've pm'd you OP but don't try and get matching trousers for a coloured jacket.

Him in a cocktail dress and you in a suit?

Sorry .

We've been invited to a wedding and we cannot refuse the invitation, not at all, the kind of thing where the only valid excuse would be being dead.

Unless you are the bride, or possibly the mother of the bride, I can't think what kind of wedding that is!

There's always a dress code for a wedding, some more "official" than others, but you know you don't wear the same thing for a registry wedding + pub, a beach wedding or a fancy affair in St Paul's. If it makes the bridge and groom happy, nothing wrong with a specific one, you can always decline (or why can't you?!)

Fuckwitery "They can do what they like" - they can, but does that really have to extend to telling other people what they are allowed to wear?

Britt turning certain wedding invitations down without incredibly good bullet proof excuses (nothing short of being in intensive care, and your spouse will still be expected to go...) leads to WW3, generally when its "Family". So technically you don't have to go, but the consequences are disproportionate and stay with you for decades...

I'm always surprised people pretend this isn't the case - nobody ever says "fair enough" and means it if you turn down a close family member's wedding invitation just because you don't fancy it or it's going to be a pain in the butt or annoyingly expensive to attend... Sometimes it isn't the couple themselves who are that bothered, but someone else will take offence on their behalf and get others riled up about it...

Vintage shop maybe for velvet jacket? Just hope he won't be too hot if it's a summer wedding.

If you're in Edinburgh try Armstrong.

What kind of parties have dress codes? Fancy dress parties?

I'm very glad I don't like in some MNers universes!

He'll not look like a waiter, he'll look like a penguin, like every other chap there!

Suit hire places are fine. They adjust stuff to fit, within reason and may keep in jackets from a variety of brands/sources so they can fit different body shapes. You'd get something better than a £100 matalan jobbie and then not have to feel guilty about never wearing it again.

I used to get sent out on the emergency shit we've run out of shirt runs during the peak summer wedding season and would often spot staff from other companies in Burtons snaffling the last of the 16 1/2" winged collar shirts!

oh velvet jackets are vair swish!

One of the young'uns at work had one for the christmas do a while back,..it was declared to be a WOW! :o

He should wear a dress, and you wear the tux. Solved.

You have plenty of options.

M&S does a perfectly passable dinner suit for £99 - which you can sell on eBay afterwards.

Or you can buy on eBay and sell on afterwards.

Or charity shops.

Or hire one for the evening.

Or , if your DH is really "not a suit person" he can choose to wear something different from the dress code and just suck it up. What would he wear to a funeral?