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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To be unable to work out if my job or my husband are the problem?

258 replies

shadycornerofthegarden · 12/07/2017 11:44

After returning from maternity leave after February half term, it's been made clear to me I'm not welcome at work.

I feel constantly sick and scared about going in.

Every day I think I just just hand in my notice and be a SAHM. Should be easy - my husband earns enough, we have enough for a happy if rather meager existence if we stayed in our current property (big mortgage)

What puts me off doing this is I'm not completely happy in my marriage either. I'm definitely not at the point of leaving. I was raised to believe you stay with the father of your children. And our baby loves his dad.

But I feel like I am stuck. Stuck in a horrible job and I can't talk about it with the person I'm meant to be closest too as he will just tell me to leave with just a bit too much light in his eyes. nd that scares me.

OP posts:
HipsterHunter · 13/07/2017 14:44

I also don't think the Op is coming across as rude.

I think she sounds extremely stressed, tired and and in a dark place with work and home life a bit shit and no clear way out.

When you're feeling bad it's hard.

endofthelinefinally · 13/07/2017 15:22

Op
I have recently retired.
I have had around 5 different professional careers and a longish period of being a sahm.
You have a long time ahead of you to work, to bring up your child, to be in a relationship.
It seems to you that you need to sort all this out now. I think you are stressed, unsupported and overwhelmed.
It is possible to step away from a crap job and do something else for a little while. It is possible to get back on the career ladder after a break.
Sometimes you need a breathing space to assess each issue.
Taking a few months out to look for a better job might be the best thing to give you head space.
You can tell your husband you will be going back to work and you will not be having another child with him while he is being unsupportive.
Sit down with him and talk through the finances and the division of labour.
Nothing is more important than your mental health.
Just make sure your contraception is as good as it can be.

AppalazianWalzing · 13/07/2017 15:42

It is really hard when more than one area of your life is stressful at a time. It's difficult to disentangle what's making you unhappy, and what if anything would improve things, and it feels like there's no safe space to retreat to to make a decision.

Personally, i think you should avoid SAH while your husband is being unsupportive. It would be very easy to go down a path where it seems to make sense to just have a second child now ('we plan to eventually, there's less disruption this way') and then you know it won't make financial sense to go back so you wait a few more years by which point you're trapped.

Re the job- I've had a situation where I was having friction with colleagues who were being bullying and making unreasonable demands. As it happens, amusingly given the focus on this thread about life coaching, at the time I was having mentoring by a senior woman in my field from outside my organisation. Like you, I loved my job but the people I worked with and the situation they'd engineered made it Impossible for me to perform to my best or even tolerate being there some days.

A few things she made me do which may be useful for you- first, she made me think about what the other people's motivation was. So, for the HOY etc- what is motivating them? What will they get out of it? Is it a personal vendetta against you? Are they irritated at having to adapt to your schedule and think if you leave they'll get someone FT and that will be easier? Is it that they genuinely think that your performance is down but are too lazy/overworked to acknowledge why that might be? Are they adamant on managing you out, or if you improved in certain areas would they lay off?

You're the expert on your own situation, which Is why advice from the outside can be frustrating. I really hated doing what my mentor asked as I thought it wouldn't help, but there sort of wasn't a way out of it and in the end it helped preserve my sanity. If you identify their motivation, it might help identify if there are any options that could help you either continue working there in an improved situation - even if that's just in the short term till you resign - or possibly improve relations so that you get a better reference.

My mentor told me, when I was adamant that I didn't want to try and find new ways to work with my colleagues as it wouldn't help and I had no option but to quit, that it was therefore an ideal learning situation. I knew I was leaving, so anything I tried at that point I could chalk up to learning about people management, safe in the knowledge that even if it went horribly wrong it wouldn't change the ultimate outcome.

In the end, I sat down with one of them and had a v frank conversation. I knew she was ambitious, and analysing her motivation made me realise part of the reason she was so aggressive was fear of Competing against me. I explained my position on some of the areas we were clashing, and that I was only trying to do my part of our job, and not muscle in on hers. It improved things hugely for me- the other colleague, nothing worked, and I did eventually quit. But for the rest of my time there, it stopped being two against one, I could breathe, and do my work. It really made a difference. Good luck in whatever you do, but try not to feel too backed into a corner- there are options even in very limited circumstances.

Phineyj · 13/07/2017 16:46

I had only just qualified as a teacher when I had DD. I felt dreadful physically in my first year back. I suggest you get your iron, thyroxine and vitamin D levels checked out as it could be that simple why you are feeling so low (the other stuff that comes with pt teaching I sympathise with - not having a classroom sucks). If you are feeling physically a bit more energetic in September, you can address the issues then. Don't resign now whatever you do - your school would no doubt like to save on the summer salary but you have suffered through the year and deserve the holiday.

You should factor in the pension to calculations of whether it's worth it. DS will get the nursery subsidy when he's 3 I think? Although I'm not sure how it works now regarding the tax return - worth checking.

I am Shock at your 'D'H not helping with drop off/pick up - it's awful trying to drop off and get to school on time - my DH took most of the hit on this as he is not a git!

I am giving this advice as I have watched my DSis destroy her hard-won teaching career for similar reasons.

redexpat · 13/07/2017 16:59

Would you consider teaching adults? Are you near a prison? Or a college?

Phineyj · 13/07/2017 17:01

Regarding the comments above, it could be the HOD is under considerable pressure from SLT and passing the pain downwards - nothing personal particularly but horrible when you're feeling low.

shadycornerofthegarden · 13/07/2017 18:06

Thanks for replying.

It's entirely possible the situation at work and at home is of my own making. I have to say though, saying that it's my fault because I'm not a nice person, doesn't help. Since I presume people are replying because they want to help - well, that doesn't.

The problem is I think [people are with the best of intentions misunderstanding what I want.

I don't want a career other than teaching, at the moment. Nor do I want to stay at home. I hate it. I'm sorry, I get some people love it, but I find it lonely and sad. Yet because of this horrible situation at work, I'm forced into it.

Supply is good if you can get childcare at a moment's notice; I can't. I'm not trying to be difficult (and nor have I posted before) but I am very very sad. I have cried most of today and yesterday and some of these posts are really upsetting.

OP posts:
ChazsBrilliantAttitude · 13/07/2017 18:31

shady

You do sound really down and perhaps a chat with your GP would be appropriate. Sometimes we need to lift our mood before we can solve problems and other times we need to solve problems to lift our mood. It seems from your posts that you can't see a way through this situation because your mood is low and so everything feels impossible.

For example, supply teaching - you are stating that you have to have last minute childcare when other posters have talked about having fixed days. Could you check with some supply agencies?

Could you do tutoring / exam marking for a period of time before returning to teaching full time?

At the moment, you seem a bit all or nothing in your thinking which can be a sign of depression or stuck thought patterns. What people are asking you is - is there something in between continuing in a school that is grinding you down and quitting to be a SAHM that you could consider.

Lottie2017 · 13/07/2017 18:35

Have you looked at any independent schools? A relative of mine works in one and says they have a lot of part time staff. Another thing I did recently was to send my CV to several local schools with a covering letter stating my desire to be a part time member of staff if any opportunities should arise. I am not saying anything concrete would come from that, but I felt better knowing I had put my details out there.

shadycornerofthegarden · 13/07/2017 18:40

Chaz, the problem is, that if I am not booked for those days then the nursery costs are a waste of money.

Plus, no holiday pay.

Lottie, independent schools have never really drawn me: the nearest one is around forty minutes away. This isn't an area with lots of independent schools. Perhaps it's different in other areas of the country.

OP posts:
Booboobooboo84 · 13/07/2017 18:43

I think you may get a better response is you google tes workplace dilemmas. There are teachers there who will be able to give you real world advice.

I understand it's upsetting and frustrating for you, do you have anyone you can talk to in real life? A friend a sibling or a colleague?

shadycornerofthegarden · 13/07/2017 18:44

Thanks. I don't have anybody, but my husband.

OP posts:
Booboobooboo84 · 13/07/2017 18:46

I think as well something needs to give with regards to your husband. You've admired your struggling emotionally is there anyway you may misunderstanding the glee in his eye at you being a sahm as being malicious when in fact in his eyes it means you can have the second child he wants and he has a wife that isn't burdened by these work issues. Again I'm not suggesting that's the case I'm just concerned that because your in the thick of the emotion that your not viewing it rationally.

Booboobooboo84 · 13/07/2017 18:46

Admitted not admired

HandbagKrabby · 13/07/2017 18:46

Good supply teachers set their stall and they get work. You could supplement with exam marking.

Or you could get a loan for a masters related to your subject or to teaching and do that with some supply on the side.

There are independent schools in deprived areas, have you checked?

What specifically is it about state school teaching that appeals to you above all else? Can you identify your passion?

shadycornerofthegarden · 13/07/2017 18:48

Possibly. He's got my life mapped out, but it's not the route I wanted.But others seem to think it's a nice drive anyway so why does it matter? But it matters to me.

OP posts:
ChazsBrilliantAttitude · 13/07/2017 18:48

shady
I see the problem but the question is how likely is it that you won't be booked for those days? Can an agency give you an idea of the likely demand for supply teachers in your area for your subject? If you know that 80-90% of the time you will get work then it may be viable but if they think its only 40% of the time then it isn't. As for holiday pay - if you quit your job you won't get holiday pay either.

What I am trying to understand is, is there an interim solution that allows you to get out from the school you are in whilst not having to give up on teaching. Then when things have settled a bit and you have had time to de-stress and consider options you can look at a more permanent change e.g. apply for a FT post when you DC is in full time school or negotiate a PT post somewhere

shadycornerofthegarden · 13/07/2017 18:49

Hi Handbag - it's not about state schools above all else,just that there is only one independent school here in a commutable distance. I don't really want to do a masters. I have no passion other than trying to do what I trained to do, really.

OP posts:
shadycornerofthegarden · 13/07/2017 18:50

Either I leave DH and DC, and get a ft job, or I am stuck at home. This is what I mean about another life being mapped out for me.

OP posts:
ChazsBrilliantAttitude · 13/07/2017 18:50

shady
X Post
Your DH has no right to map out your life. It doesn't matter what other people think - its your life and you have a right to decide what works for you.

HandbagKrabby · 13/07/2017 18:51

I know you don't like the idea of counselling but have a look at the getselfhelp website and look at some of the stuff about black and white thinking and catastrophising. You can't see what a lot of posters can, which is your beliefs about yourself and your future aren't facts, they're beliefs. Cbt can give you practical help to overcome thinking errors. Stress can make everything feel ten times worse.

If you sort yourself out you may find the answers to everything else fall into place.

stopfuckingshoutingatme · 13/07/2017 18:52

(1) don't be rude to people that offer sound advice
(2) don't leave your job if marriage is bad as that's your safety net

I am going to RTWT now but actually some external perspective probably would help

ChazsBrilliantAttitude · 13/07/2017 18:52

Either I leave DH and DC, and get a ft job, or I am stuck at home.

There have to be options in between these two extremes.

Sunshinegirl82 · 13/07/2017 18:52

You may be forced into it in the short term but you seem convinced that leaving this job means the end of your teaching career forever.

I don't pretend to have loads of specific knowledge about teaching (although my Mum was a teacher) but it seems unlikely that because you have left this particular job there is no possibility of you ever teaching anywhere ever again. You seem to be catastrohising quite a lot which can be a sign of depression.

It doesn't sound as though either of these difficult situations are your fault. They are both really tough and dealing with both at the same time together with a young child and it's not surprising you're not feeling your best. If you can reach out to your GP you might find that there is help there for you, I can't see that it can do any harm to try?

Booboobooboo84 · 13/07/2017 18:53

Well then if it's not the route you want you need to sit down and assert that it isn't. In marriage there is compromise of course but never about children and quantity of. He can't force you to have a second child anymore than you could force him to accept one iyswim. If contraception is something you control and I hope in this situation it is maybe the compromise is 'I will not want another child until this child is school age and maybe not even then is it something your happy to re discuss at that point and not before then' if he says yes that's fine then great if not then you discuss it.

If I said to you when you wake up tomorrow you will have the perfect day at work and home what would it look like? I know it might seem like a silly question but it will just help me see what I can do to advise you

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