To be unable to work out if my job or my husband are the problem?

[shadycornerofthegarden]

After returning from maternity leave after February half term, it's been made clear to me I'm not welcome at work.

I feel constantly sick and scared about going in.

Every day I think I just just hand in my notice and be a SAHM. Should be easy - my husband earns enough, we have enough for a happy if rather meager existence if we stayed in our current property (big mortgage)

What puts me off doing this is I'm not completely happy in my marriage either. I'm definitely not at the point of leaving. I was raised to believe you stay with the father of your children. And our baby loves his dad.

But I feel like I am stuck. Stuck in a horrible job and I can't talk about it with the person I'm meant to be closest too as he will just tell me to leave with just a bit too much light in his eyes. nd that scares me.

Do you have any part time teacher friends you could work with to apply for a full time post together? I know someone who has done this and it works well.

Hi Shady! I don't know what subject you teach, but there might be other opportunities that you haven't thought of. I much preferred teaching in sixth form - less admin, no books to mark and fewer discipline issues... with the bonus of p/t positions being more widely available.

I quit teaching after working in a secondary where it was constantly undermined. I then got a job as a learning technologist/designer. I still do some teaching, but in a different context. If this is something you're interested in, look at the Association for Learning Technologists website. My pay is similar to what I was on, but I only do office hours. I have plenty of A/L so most benefits of teaching without the negatives. Good luck!

I have missed some posts, but from the more recent ones I've read, it seems you are a teacher?

I trained as a teacher and now work in office based roles instead of teaching (currently work in project management) and I am so much happier! I can work my hours and then go home without taking work hime with me, I get so much more time with my family. I'd never go back. Have you thought a out what other roles you might like?

agree that five days a week is too much nursery for a baby. Lots of people on MN think that f/t nursery is fine, so you might come across some strange attitudes
Could you be any more passive aggressive than that last statement!! FFS!

What a shitty pile on this thread is.

OP, can I suggest you post in Relationships? Your husband sounds like a big problem and I'd be surprised if he's not contributing to your low self esteem. You will find many knowledgeable posters over in Relationships and I doubt you'll be called difficult for not wanting to get a bloody life coach

Good luck.

Thanks, Thyme, i will in a fewdays I guess.

I don't really want to do other jobs apart from teaching, I like(d) teaching, it's just the situation at my school right now.

Have you thought about handing in your notice for Christmas. That gives you one term where your at your current school but the end will be in sight. That way it frees up your mind a bit. I'm afraid toxic schools tend to stay toxic so cut and run may be your best option.

I think my ht would let mego now. I just don't know if leavingis the right thing.

Maybe over the summer get your cv sorted and ready to go so when any roles do appear in the new accademic year you'll be ready for them? It might be worth handing them in directly to any schools you might be interested in for their consideration if a post comes up?

You sounds very despondent op, I hope things buck up for you. Do you have a good friends network to offload to?

Take care of yourself

Well if that works better for you then go with that but I get the feeling it wouldn't.

The way I see if from what you've said you have two enormous pressures on you

• your job

-your marital situation

something has to give pressure wise because it's just not fair on you. I think you need a light at the end of the tunnel. Quitting for Xmas gives you 5 months to find another job within teaching. But it also means you don't feel you've quit to be a sahm. Maybe some time being a sahm is exactly what you need to give your soul a bit of a break and so you can tackle the marital issues

You have already admitted you have absolutely no idea what a life coach is (they are not forever living!) so no idea how you can be so confident you don't want one of those err not sure what they are exactly people. You need a new job, you think you like teaching but you probably haven't really considered all the options. If not a life coach, you could really do with a good friend who can talk about your strengths and suggest some options. Is working with kids what you like about teaching? Is it people learning from you?

that's not correct time but fr goodness sake let's not have a silly argument about it.

I want to teach.

But how can I apply for and obtain a teaching position with a shocking reference, young baby and period on maternity leave?

Will people stop going on about Life Coaching!

The OP has made it very clear, she does not want to be involved with one and I don't blame her

You might be surprised by the reference? Apologies if you've said earlier it will definitely be shocking.

HT has made it clear it would not be a favourable one.

OP, can you tell us more about your marriage? The thread has mostly focused on your job, but I'm worried about your husband.

In what ways are you unsure about him?
You say his eyes would light up if you left work, he wants another child when you don't, you can't talk to him about your difficulties, he doesn't help much with baby etc, are there any instances when you feel he wants to isolate you/ control you/ dominate you/ change you?
I'm just not getting the impression of a man who is interested in what is best for you.
Has there ever been anything that has made you feel really uneasy about him?

He helps a lot with the baby. It's just that because he doesn't want me to work, he won't help with things related to being a working mum. Mostly he won't take him to nursery which would help so much.

Can you tutor on a self employed basis? Sorry you can't speak to your husband I kind of know how that feels but for a different reason it's really awful to feel alone in your relationship.

Oh and are you sure you don't want a life coach I'd have reacted the same way, it feels along the lines of a skinny tea diet to me. Leave me alone you nutters comes to mind lol.

The thing is if you leave your miserable job you are still a teacher and they have to give you a reference so say after 6 months or a year you feel things are more settled and you want to try again somewhere new it's not like you can't go back to it. Just say you weren't ready to leave your wee one I know you might not get the hours you want again but you have the luxury of time to see if something comes up.

The problem with tutoring is that it's not teaching. Which ultimately is what I wanted to do. It's the specific school. I don't know.

Is there alternative type schools near you like a Steiner? Maybe the people would be nicer and more supportive. Teaching would be more relaxed and you would be allowed freedom to enjoy your job again.

No ... I mean, it is just this school, not the type of school. But I won't get another job with this reference. Can't do supply. I guess i am stuck.

AFAIK (and please do correct me if I'm wrong, someone), but you don't have to declare periods of maternity leave; it would potentially open you up to discrimination. If you were technically employed by the school for that period then you just say 'job - sept 15-Jul 17'.

Surely you can't be the only person to walk away from a role with a not very good relationship with the school. Is your subject a particularly desirable one - are teachers being snapped up for it?

The other thing is, there's nothing to stop you going back to work. You could try out being a SAHP while you get your head straight, work out what you do want, allow your baby to get a little older (because whatever your feelings on childcare, whether it's full or part time; in my experience the smaller they are the harder they are to leave as they are so much more reliant on you) and then see what's out there. You wouldn't be under any time or financial pressure and could see what comes up.

It is hard going back to work with a small child. The pressures on you from work and from your home life do pull you in two and a supportive partner is really key in helping you cope so I'm not surprised you're feeling a bit overwhelmed if you're not getting that help.

They legally can't give you a bad reference though.

*LB& but there would be lots of things to stop me.

No reference
No recent experience
No confidence

and so on.

Yes, they can mustang