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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To wonder why my children are like this?

168 replies

Spudthecat · 11/07/2017 19:25

I have 4 children they are so so badly behaved, I can't go anywhere without being humiliated due to their bad behaviour, I will be sat at the bus stop and they will be running around in a circle screaming, or hitting eachother and fighting, I have I repeat myself constantly 5/6 times before they listen to anything I say, I will be walking round the supermarket and same as the bus stop they will be running around screaming, I never see children like this, only mine, it's got to the point that I can't go anywhere as they are always causing a massive scene, I've lost count the amount of times I've had to get off a bus or leave a shop

OP posts:
SashaSashays · 11/07/2017 19:27

How do you discipline them?

Bluntness100 · 11/07/2017 19:28

How do you deal with bad behaviour op?

What punishments?
What rewards for good behaviour ?
How do you talk to them about it and make them understand?

MeanAger · 11/07/2017 19:29

I feel like this at the minute. I only have 2 and I find it hard enough. They seem to be constantly squabbling or screeching or crying. Today we were in town and my eldest was ripping the piss completely. All I could do was take his phone off him. He found it funny and just kept winding me up. I could only ignore until we got back to the car.

Original poster
Spudthecat · 11/07/2017 19:32

All I do is find myself constantly shouting but they don't care and ignore me, my family say they are like this because I don't smack them, I tell them off but they don't care/listen, people are constantly approaching me in the street about them, makes me not want to go out

OP posts:
Cantseethewoods · 11/07/2017 19:36

I don't smack but I am the keyser Soze of consequences. It works but you have to follow through which sometimes sucks ( e.g. 'No TV'). I try to make the co sequence 'natural' but sometimes you just can't.

Booboobooboo84 · 11/07/2017 19:36

Shouting clearly isn't working, smacking is a punishment best left in the 80's which is when it was last socially acceptable. You need clear boundaries, punishments and perseverance.

How old are they? Other than shouting what do you do with regards to their behaviour?

Shoxfordian · 11/07/2017 19:37

Your children are like this because whatever discipline you're using isn't working

EezerGoode · 11/07/2017 19:38

Online shopping is your friend...refuse to take them anywhere other than school untill they behave...and have strict bedtimes ,nap times snack meal times. routine and internet shopping are your friends.limit yr life to the bare minimum,and theirs untill they behave.

funnyfoursome · 11/07/2017 19:40

Big hug to you. Mine are lively. I'm a teacher and used to being in control of up to hundreds so have found it hard, but everyone has to work out their own systems. Do you have a partner? How old are the DC? Tell us a little more

Cantseethewoods · 11/07/2017 19:40

Also depends on age. When they were little any consequences had to be immediate whereas now they're a bit older ill sometimes sit them down later and chat about why their behaviour wasn't acceptable.

defineme · 11/07/2017 19:41

Age, sex, sens?anything significant about your homelife? 4 is a larger number of children than many have to cope with. You are already doing what I used to do with my 3 eg go home if they were badly behaved.
Are you okay in yourself, it's very draining.

GinIsIn · 11/07/2017 19:42

Yes but just shouting isn't desperately effective. What are the consequences for their behaviour? Sanctions?

QuiteLikely5 · 11/07/2017 19:43

There are no consequences for the behaviour which is the issue.

If I'm taking mine to the supermarket they only get sweeties if they are well behaved. If one is bad they don't get and the others do.

I also save the sweeties until we get back home so that they have to behave on the way back too!

SashaSashays · 11/07/2017 19:43

If they're feral it's because there is a lack of discipline. Shouting and smacking work for some but I suspect what you're family mean is that there is a lack of consequences.

Make rules, give them a set number of warnings and then enforce a punishment. Do not back down.

Once you have regained a bit more of the power balance you can relax a bit and not be such a disciplinarian. You do need to lay the law down initially.

Original poster
Spudthecat · 11/07/2017 19:43

They can not be left alone for more than a few minutes without absolutely destroying my home, which is virtually impossible never being able to leave them alone as I am a single parent, for example I bought a cake today, came home took the baby upstairs to bath her came downstairs dd has eaten the ENTIRE cake and not only that whats left of it as been squashed all over the fabric sofa and floor, she regularly tries to flood my kitchen

OP posts:
drspouse · 11/07/2017 19:43

My DS in particular is a bit wild and doesn't listen - and telling him off/punishments made very little difference.

I do recommend the book Calmer Easier Happier Parenting, you can read the first chapter free on Kindle. It is all about doing positive things that prevent bad behaviour and it is really helpful for our DS.

corythatwas · 11/07/2017 19:44

Do you do anything that isn't telling them off to keep them occupied and distracted while you are waiting at the bus stop. Depends on the ages, but I would not sit waiting in a public place with a child much under 10 without having a plan for when they get fidgety. With more than one child I would be gathering them around me from the start. Something like telling a story, playing a game or whatever.

Not that I am against punishment or being firm; but it's an awful lot less stressful for people around if it doesn't get that far and it also gets your children into better habits.

GinIsIn · 11/07/2017 19:44

And what was the punishment for her behaviour?

defineme · 11/07/2017 19:46

Yes yes Eezergood...strict routines, lots of exercise in wide open spaces...go to park when it's quiet or trampolining ..strict bed times, always bath and stories, internet shopping.

Believeitornot · 11/07/2017 19:47

Ages?

Booboobooboo84 · 11/07/2017 19:47

That's very distructive behaviour from your DD. And it's got to be disheartening.

We need to know the age/sex/Sen details of your children?

What's their daily routine?

Is there a ringleader? I'm one of 6 and I was ruthless in the control of the anarchy until my parents figured out how to handle me.

CleverQuacks · 11/07/2017 19:48

I strongly recommend an approach called 123 magic. It's worked wonders with my kids and focuses on praise and calm consequences so reduces the shouting.

Original poster
Spudthecat · 11/07/2017 19:48

I do refuse to buy them sweets and stuff like that but they just scream and tantrum, They are 6 (dd) 5 (ds) 3 (ds) and 10 weeks (dd) oldest does have asd, I'm probably not great at discipline tbh, everyone says I'm too soft but when I do tell them off they just scream and then go back to acting exactly the same 10 minutes later

OP posts:
MeanAger · 11/07/2017 19:49

If I'm taking mine to the supermarket they only get sweeties if they are well behaved.

We can't all afford to buy sweets every time we take our Dc out of the house! especially not with 4 DCs!

corythatwas · 11/07/2017 19:49

Also, I would avoid shouting if at all possible: it makes you sound panicky. Try to make your voice go lower and deeper instead, sounds more impressive.